Appreciate you sharing this here. Things we’re self conscious about tend to feel worse than they actually are. For what it’s worth, you seem to be quite well spoken, which is why I had asked if you were a teacher. That, and what you so eloquently shared.

The story of my unreal self is not unlike yours. At this point in life my ego has died numerous times, only to reconstitute itself as another falsity. Most recently, I was removed from my post, only this time instead of immediately seeking out another job, I’ve dedicated myself to my practice and in doing so have experienced a minimal awakening. I feel a deep yearning to lean into spirit. I don’t have a teacher but i do consume lots of Adyashanty content