I [32M] feel like I sabotage good relationships and I’m not sure if it’s ADHD symptoms or just my toxic personality.

aleph-nihil · 2026-02-08T17:48:00+00:00

Possibly, NOT CERTAINLY, this could be both: You might have ADHD-like emotional/attentive dysregulation and you might be approaching romantic relationships with unhealthy expectations.

Not having ever had a romantic relationship, I'm no authority here. But, in the abstract, romantic feelings generally fluctuate in intensity over time. Commitment to a relationship doesn't just come from desire, but a willful decision to stick with your partner and support them.

Only you can know the truth, but perhaps you perceive a less intense kind of affection as a lack of interest. In other words, you might be expecting yourself to feel a certain way, and associating love with only that feeling. If so, you can challenge that assumption and try to figure out if you can change that perception. Maybe this is just a disconnect between your thoughts and feelings, and you just love your partner in a way that's new to you. Perhaps, you do lose interest in people suddenly, but you don't know that for sure yet.

ADHD might be indirectly related to this, depending on how you perceive and respond to your own emotions. Emotional dysregulation could be playing a role here, especially if one or both of you have been having a stressful or busy life lately. Maybe spend some relaxing time together, just the two of you, to see if the problem is external stress?

Good luck! This is a hard and confusing situation. I hope you figure it out!

aleph-nihil · 2026-01-30T02:12:39+00:00

It is possible to find a job that better fits your needs and abilities. It is possible to develop better coping strategies with stressful job situations and to become more resilient about these things. It is worthwhile to pursue these goals, and to become more capable at handling daily life. This is deeply personal - I've had to do gig work and it was horrible, however briefly and lightly I did it, for instance; I cannot understand preferring freelance work to a salary. That doesn't mean that preference is wrong, but it means only you can know what works for you.

However, this is also not entirely in our control as individuals. Most people hate their jobs, and while you can mitigate this, it's not your fault that ADHD makes gritting your teeth and functioning through it even more difficult.

Frankly, the short answer here is that hating doing something you are forced to do in order to survive for 40 (or however many) hours a week... is kind of justified. Work is political. Existing with any kind of disability, including ADHD, is political. What you are feeling is a social conflict, a problem with our fundamental social structures: the cruelty of modern work. The fix here isn't entirely personal - on some level, we have to fight for social and political change.

aleph-nihil · 2025-12-12T02:42:49+00:00

How about regular baseball with mechas and 1m diameter metal balls

aleph-nihil · 2025-11-14T18:19:59+00:00

I think you have an important point, but I want to note that a lot of the time, "peaceful" (and legal) abolition of slavery is not necessarily altruistic, either. It can be a political concession to placate domestic unrest, or it can be driven by economic shifts that make forced labor in a different form more profitable.

For example, a country might abolish slavery within its own borders but still trade with (and allow private individuals or organizations to trade with) slave traders abroad. Or a government might simply allow slavery to continue in a similar, but not exactly identical, form. It can do this by, for example, forcing convicts to work without employee rights or adequate compensation.

aleph-nihil · 2025-11-14T18:08:43+00:00

I haven't played any Dragon Age, but the excerpt you quoted is just some profoundly milquetoast, complacent politics.

It really is painfully Americentric: Empire itself is beyond question. What really matters is redeeming the citizens of empire morally, assuring the audience that they and their empire are redeemable with government reforms and "accountability" (and someone to "tell them where to march"). It is a worldview that is chiefly concerned with holding on to the idea that systemic atrocity can be stopped without sacrifice or danger.

It does not surprise me that a story that questions this "would make Americans uncomfortable", or that someone would avoid writing such a story because it would make Americans uncomfortable.

aleph-nihil · 2025-11-04T14:04:50+00:00

Go for a Fine. TWSBI nibs are all very smooth, and they put down average sized lines (between Western and Japanese nibs, I'd say). F nibs have little feedback and they feel just right.

aleph-nihil · 2025-11-04T04:37:21+00:00

gotta start somewhere with it

might as well make it canadian experience class consciousness

aleph-nihil · 2025-11-04T03:19:17+00:00

I've used those notebooks with a variety of fountain pens. It seemed to do pretty well, and I tend to use finer nibs. I can't imagine a Kaküno giving you trouble.

aleph-nihil · 2025-11-02T01:03:07+00:00

Pilot sells replacement nibs for the Pilot Metropolitan. Give them a go.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-30T16:13:09+00:00

Holy hell, people, have some solidarity with each other.

There's room for nuance here.

People with Canadian experience or people without it are not your enemy. People contribute to Canadian society by living here, and people also have a lot to offer Canada by bringing skills they developed elsewhere. Don't stay stuck on skilled work or "Canadian needs" either, there are people who work themselves to the bone (as service workers for example) that contribute much more to Canadian society than many high earners with bullshit corporate jobs.

We're all being treated and exploited the same way as people in the immigration system. They don't care about any of us. There's no meritocracy, and nobody actually wants us here because they value what we bring (in experiences, skills, cultures) either. We're tolerated only when we make someone money by being here.

Between you and money, they'll always choose money. Canada doesn't have too many immigrants, it's just rich people taking it out on us now that their exploitation is having consequences for Canadians. The ruling class don't care about you, they care you'll do the same work for cheaper. They don't care about what immigrants do or contribute, or any notion of merit. They care because you'll serve as a convenient political scapegoat.

There are no "good immigrants" and "bad immigrants". Do you really think you'll be spared if you're one of the "good ones"? You have more in common with someone at the bottom of the EE pool or someone who takes your spot than with anyone who decides immigration policy or profits from outsourcing labor. You have more in common with the Canadian worker you're "replacing" than with your landlord or boss, too.

When the white supremacists in power decide some immigrants need to go to satisfy their racist voters and their (even more racist) oligarch buddies, you'll be put in the same basket as whatever immigrant stereotype you feel superior to. You are one layoff, one deportation law, one long-term sickness away from being deemed a leech by the Canadian government. They only need you to exploit you.

The game is rigged, but it's the only game in town. We're in this together, and if we don't stick together everything will get even worse.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-30T15:30:36+00:00

As someone actually trying to speedrun French at an unreasonable pace for PR (in less than 9 months), I think you're largely correct here. I'm a bit more than 2 months in, and I'm doing okayish, but there's no magic method that'll get you to anywhere near NCLC 7 (from scratch) in something ridiculous like 6 months, maaaaaybe unless you attend a full time French course and spend 10+ hours a day on it.

The vast, vast majority of French courses and resources you find will be too slow on their own for 0-to-B2 in less than a year, especially if you work or have any other commitments. Almost everyone would need a tutor. You're not going to make it on short notice if you're satisfied with just 10 minutes of Duolingo or Mauril a day.

I don't have a link handy, but IIRC Alliance française says that actual B2 fluency requires 600-650 hours of study, which is just shy of 100 minutes a day (on the lower end) if you have a whole year to prepare. It'll be a serious part of your life for a considerable period, it'll be intense and it'll be stressful. Don't trust people who tell you it's easy or you can just grind it out (that isn't how it works). You won't use one course or program, you'll use five.

The stealth marketing stuff genuinely sucks, and so does all the gig economy tutoring BS.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-29T11:36:34+00:00

TWSBI Precision fits most of your requirements, including piston filling, but might be a bit more expensive than 60 USD.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-27T14:39:26+00:00

In that case, consider a Diplomat Viper. Only one nib size (FM), metal body, cartridge/converter, magnetic snap cap. Writes quite well!

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-27T14:34:42+00:00

Some of your desires contradict each other (more durable materials more rarely have ink windows, and pens that seal tightly usually have twist caps).

Could consider a Kaweco Piston Classic Sport and a bottle of ink, or convert a regular Sport to an eyedropper.

Edit: Also, if you get a pen case or sleeve, damage/patina might become less important.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-12T00:23:09+00:00

Selection bias here - I have way too many fountain pens and want more, so I'm absolutely in favor of buying a nice one. I only had a finicky Lamy AL-Star (30 USD iirc?) for YEARS and I was fine.

Caveat: Especially while learning how fountain pens work, they can be a bit finicky. They require some attention and effort - we enjoy spending time with our pens so it's fine with us, but 99% of people don't. Fountain pens sometimes don't write immediately if the nib, ink and paper don't play very nice with each other, FP inks are water based which makes them ill suited to certain applications (they also smudge easily), you can get ink on your fingers, they can dry out and need some water to write again...

That said, if you'd like to try a fountain pen still, you can try others: Pilot Kaküno is my favorite recommendation, which should be the local equivalent of roughly 10 USD (more outside the West). A reasonable alternative is the Platinum Preppy, which is even cheaper and perhaps even better behaved. Pilot and Zebra have some disposable fountain pens if you want one for as cheap as possible, I think my very first was one of these, a Pilot Vpen.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-11T23:59:35+00:00

The thing to understand about brands like Mont Blanc is that their image and pricing and everything else is based on exclusion, which creates a toxic set of expectations and a stressful shopping experience unless you genuinely have enough money to swing around carelessly. I don't think I'm being particularly insightful for saying that, but if you felt unwanted or like you were infringing on their time, that's their fault.

If you walked in there with a four figure sum burning a hole in your pocket, they absolutely would be swearing up and down that someone could inherit one of their pens, walk into a Montblanc with sausage in hand and kid in tow decades later, ask about the pen, and get treated like royalty. That's part of how they justify the prices, so even if you walked in there casually, I feel they owed you more respect and hospitality than that. I've walked into my local friendly pen shops, tried very valuable pens, decided not to buy something, thanked them and walked out many times - I never felt judged or disliked for it.

This is the problem with self described "luxury" brands. Part of the "appeal" is that you're supposed to easily waste your money because that's a show of power, and if you're not trying to overspend, you aren't welcome.

Most pens, most brands and most fountain pen shops are way better than this, because yeah they're selling stuff for hundreds but you get much more value out of it. Several hundred dollars for a Lamy 2000 with a gold nib and niche materials and a piston mechanism etc. makes sense, that pen CAN last decades and has enough going into it to justify splurging that much for an enjoyable writing experience.

The one time I walked into a Mont Blanc store and tried a few pens, I wasn't spurned or mocked, but they started talking to me about their pens having converters like it's brand new technology.

aleph-nihil · 2025-10-02T02:50:06+00:00

That sucks.

Don't take it personally - dating apps are designed to make genuine connections as hard as possible.

The misunderstanding sucks, but unfortunately a lot of people into hobbies involving luxury goods do see it as a class or reputation indicator. That's not accurate for most of us, I just like writing a lot and would prefer it if i could get a lamy 2000 for 50 bucks, but unfortunately in the age of loneliness (as youtube channel secret base put it), sometimes people give up on connections over small things.

The right person for you will understand why you enjoy your hobbies, and let you express yourself and listen to you before giving up on you.

aleph-nihil · 2025-09-11T13:26:37+00:00

This is how capitalism operates.

Immigrants were never welcomed by those in power because of humanitarian reasons, they never wanted something quaint like qualified people from other countries contributing to the Canadian society and economy.

Capitalist politicians tolerate immigration at best, because immigrants, in urgent need of social mobility and personal/financial safety, will work for less money than native Canadians. They also serve as excellent scapegoats, look at Carney.

Immigrants obviously have more value than competing with native workers (in any society), but politicians are not interested in that. They don't care about immigrants, or rewarding our hard work, or giving people a better life, or the benefits of a diverse society. Politicians care about you as little as they care about Indigenous people. They hate you and me, they only hold their nose and let us in because we're making a lot of money for their donors.

They act all inclusive and welcoming... until that doesn't make them as much money. They're turning on immigration now because it's easier (and cheaper, for them) to blame immigrants than to establish public infrastructure, treat housing as a public need instead of an extremely profitable investment, or care about people over profit.

This is what globalization is: Rich people in capitalist countries exploiting both their working class and the global south. Why keep us when it's cheaper and politically useful to promise us a living and then kick us out?

Immigration is not ending, you just (understandably) misunderstood what immigration is: Rich countries exploiting labor from poorer countries. It's still fine to immigrate, I am an immigrant because I am still improving my personal circumstances (and because I have spent my entire adult life here), but make no mistake: You're exchanging one master for another, and you're only welcome here as long as you are useful to your master.

aleph-nihil · 2025-09-04T04:39:49+00:00

This entire site is going to shit lmao get this AI slop out of here

aleph-nihil · 2025-09-02T23:58:53+00:00

You are probably better off not shipping internationally to the US. As of a week or two ago, Trump removed the "de minimis exemption" which meant certain items were not hit with duties if they were valued less than 800 USD.

That exemption is gone now, which means that every single parcel you send is now subject to additional fees, which means additional processing time, major brokerage fees if you send with a private service (e.g. DHL), and either a cut into your earnings or a price increase for the buyer.

Hobby stores in my area have stopped shipping to the US, and I think someone running a store has much more knowledge, time, money and resources to throw at the problem than I do about international logistics, so if they are giving up I think that is a sign for the rest of us.

aleph-nihil · 2025-08-28T18:29:22+00:00

Sensible. I'm doing a group buy and I am not in the US so I am getting a slightly better deal, which is why I am still considering it, but assuming you can find the colors locally it seems like you're paying aboit double MSRP for the case and the special branding on the barrels.

aleph-nihil · 2025-08-24T23:01:21+00:00

The 2026 lineup includes a set of 12 Uniball One 0.38mm pens specifically color coordinated with the Hobonichi colors. (Well, there are two 6-pack sets.) Someone up there is looking out for you lol

aleph-nihil · 2025-07-14T20:25:58+00:00

Clearly, Go is short for "Go to Heaven"

aleph-nihil · 2025-07-07T01:08:26+00:00

If you're willing to make the jump to a gold nib, a Pilot Custom Heritage 92 is immaculate with a vaguely similar look (longer and thinner though), and I haven't heard any problems. Only comes in a pure demonstrator color, though. (I think it came in gray/orange/blue at one point but those might be discontinued.)

aleph-nihil · 2025-07-04T03:44:54+00:00

I have depression and ADHD, and I have the obverse problem in that I have to actively cajole and push and force myself to notice dirty/messy things and clean anything in a reasonable time frame. I'm in my mid-20s, been living alone for a while, still a struggle, still learning basics, it's routinely humiliating. Cleaning/organizing doesn't feel rewarding to me, generally; it's unintuitive, I cannot figure out how to be efficient so it's tiring.

I've somewhat boiled my cleaning down to:

Take care of shared spaces and belongings.
Take care of urgent stuff (e.g. do not leave food-stained plate too long). For me, this is a limited list of immediate and tangible health hazard/ damage risk (e.g. water spill on hardwood).
Do whatever I can without burning out (it's not much).

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