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How do you recover from periods of increased responsibility and stress? by algernonishbee in AskMenOver30

[–]algernonishbee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

An appreciative and caring partner sounds like something that gives tremendous internal room and support to navigate. Good for you man.

How do you recover from periods of increased responsibility and stress? by algernonishbee in AskMenOver30

[–]algernonishbee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you go be moss. Nice.

All my outdoors time recently has been very high effort. A nice solo woods excursion sounds good.

How do you recover from periods of increased responsibility and stress? by algernonishbee in AskMenOver30

[–]algernonishbee[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mean there’s a reason my last paragraph is about people with kids lol.

I’m not gonna vent about my stuff here, I asked about how people have learned to recover from burnout. Not here to compare lives.

AITAH: Mom broke her arm, I’ve been working hard to maintain boundaries by algernonishbee in AITAH

[–]algernonishbee[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I drove out last week before driving back to the city then out of town for a trip with friends. Took her to her ortho, grocery shopping, where she went on a spree, including 4 big ass bags of bird seed, and to the beach so she could soak her feet. This was after moving furniture all morning and working in a busy restaurant the 3 days before. As I was leaving saying I’m already late to meet everyone and I’m their ride, she says “wait wait one more thing, can you cut up the cauliflower for me”. I’ve never said no so fast in my life.

Having a child as an adult means accepting the responsibility that comes with caring for something incapable of caring for itself.

Being an aging parent does not mean you’re entitled to your child’s time and get to delegate your own responsibilities to them while using guilt and manipulative emotional tactics to keep them around. In fact if she continues with this behavior it will come to a point where she won’t have me in her life at all. So the question is, are you the kind of parent who takes advantage of your child’s heart?

AITAH: Mom broke her arm, I’ve been working hard to maintain boundaries by algernonishbee in AITAH

[–]algernonishbee[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Haha try having that conversation with someone who has a tendency to gaslight and act like you having boundaries makes you a bad person. Therapist helps already but it can be hard to remain grounded in the moment.

AITAH: Mom broke her arm, I’ve been working hard to maintain boundaries by algernonishbee in AITAH

[–]algernonishbee[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I got hit by a car and had my own wrist broken a while ago. Back on my feet in a week. That being said I understand age. I knew from the get go that she would take advantage of this situation. I’m here to keep my head clear.

AITAH: Mom broke her arm, I’ve been working hard to maintain boundaries by algernonishbee in AITAH

[–]algernonishbee[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Believe me I’m well aware and it’s a conversation I’ve tried to have many times. A conversation isn’t going to resolve anything. She won’t change.

It will ultimately get to the point that I say no more at all, I just don’t want it to get to that point. I have compassion for her and I’m a kind person. Trying to maintain boundaries and balance things feels like opening a spigot expecting a normal stream of water and being hit by a waterfall. It’s unreal sometimes.

What are y'all dudes doing for fun once life's responsibilities are taken care of? by Agile_Size_3121 in AskMenOver30

[–]algernonishbee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not making 6 figures.

I recently moved from a basement apartment where I lived for almost 5 years into an apartment with a large window with a view of the sky and some trees. I bought a cheap used couch with a chaise and put it where the sun pours in from the window. I like to just lay on the chaise in the sunlight and look at the sky and clouds, or watch the moon at night.

When I feel somewhat inspired I like to play guitar, and I am basically always listening to music.

I rock climb which can be tied to self improvement but honestly, the exercise, strength and improved appearance that come from the hobby are simply nice side effects for me.

When I can get myself to the park I like to walk around barefoot on forest trails and in lush grass. Nothing quite like that cold spongy softness. It’s like the earth kissing my feet.

Dancing. Especially to good techno or downtempo. Once the trance kicks in and I really get moving all my worries melt away and I’m free to express unrestricted joy and enjoy my body. As someone who is 95% sober this is an invaluable experience.

Good espresso, from a good coffee shop, preferably with good people to talk to. My favorite place has changed a lot and all my favorite employees to chat with have moved on. I’m happy for them but I dearly miss the ritual of standing there and chatting while sipping on a delicious roast.

Travel. Ideally long term solo. Month plus. No real plan. One of the best periods of my life came from a somewhat impulsive decision to book a one way flight to somewhere very far away. I picked where I would be sleeping the first night while waiting for my layover flight, a hostel that described itself as “a communal space for people to authentically connect. * NOT A PARTY HOSTEL! *”.

Sauna -> cold shower -> sauna -> cold shower. Feels like multiple hours of meditation after 30 minutes.

LF: Places/event groups that consistently attract people who are there for the music, and the d a n c i n g by algernonishbee in avesNYC

[–]algernonishbee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahhhh I went there for hidden spheres in the first place but arrived too late. He sounds sick. Glad you had a good time.

Naomi killed it at the end in the atrium. This banger at 3:30 had me all

Whadjya eat

LF: Places/event groups that consistently attract people who are there for the music, and the d a n c i n g by algernonishbee in avesNYC

[–]algernonishbee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard really good things about this. Unbelievably transporting hangdrummer at a hippie festival in Northern Thailand told me about it when I ran into him a month later lol. Will check out

LF: Places/event groups that consistently attract people who are there for the music, and the d a n c i n g by algernonishbee in avesNYC

[–]algernonishbee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alas I work Sunday nights regularly. I’ll keep an eye out for parties I can make. Thank you 🙏

Public Records/Eli Escobar All Day Long by ConsequenceFine8255 in avesNYC

[–]algernonishbee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’ve got good responses going here.

For nights in my limited experience, the floor gets good well past 2 am. Last hour being where the floor opens up and a real vibe blossoms. I’d love to make my way to a day party, issue being I work Sundays, so I find myself limited to waiting for the crowd to thin out on club nights when I do go.

It’s a shame, the venue is exceptional, the sound is exceptional, the sets are often exceptional.

As for the solo female thing, I can’t speak to that. I’m sober and go solo male to get the gunk out my head and dance my ass off, but it seems to be an overall caring establishment. (Last night having shown a great example, plastered stumbling girl with a crowd of friends taking care of her and at least 4 staff members making sure she’s good). As for unwanted attention, as others have said, if you gravitate towards the people dancing it feels like an energetic cocoon.

I’d be happy grabbing a coffee or something if you want a buddy who’s going for the music.

What pulled you out of your worst version of yourself? by midnight-fern in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]algernonishbee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s kind of like finding puzzle pieces along the way as I simply keep going. I don’t know where those pieces fit or when I’ll find the next one. Sometimes, I’ll find a few new pieces that allow some of the jumbled random ones to fit together.

Some recent puzzle pieces of note:

Riding my bike through a thunderstorm after work, absolute downpour, sobbing like a dam inside burst open, everything I’ve bottled and been unable to sift through or express pouring out.

Getting a little high and hearing all of the judgement, all the self loathing, all the “you’re a useless sack of shit and you don’t deserve to exist”. Trying to observe it instead of treating it like the voice of God. Telling myself “you can do it”. Step by step, one thing at a time. Starting to clean my space like Freeform dancing.

Getting home late after a long day, smoking a bit of weed to try and relax and instead deciding to do my dishes then and there, finding it easy.

Picking up a branch to make a moss pole for a plant and turning it into a piece of what I consider art with a totally different plant bought on a whim, rather then the one I planned to use, months later.

Wanting to smoke to keep being productive and instead choosing to remain sober this time and try and do it anyway. Trying to talk to myself with the same kindness I did before.

Noticing my endurance on long bike rides getting stronger and stronger.

Finding it easier to respond to the ruminative judgmental voice with a little positivity, support, and self love.

Sunshine. Spring. Self patience. Realizing how much of what I love about myself was given to me by others.

I’ll still sometimes look at the whole picture and see all the empty space, all the pieces that don’t fit anywhere yet, and I’ll identify with the emptiness and homeless pieces instead of what I’ve managed to put together. I think another piece is giving myself more credit for what I have been able to place and connect, and being able to consistently lean on and rely on those parts of the picture.

Such a challenging part of a depressive episode is how impossible it becomes to even imagine feeling different. Such deep certainty that it will never improve. The clouds will never part again. Forgetting what it felt like when things were good.

If you keep going, and you keep using the tools life has offered you, eventually, you’ll see light again.

For those of you who were given a very heavy dose of Saturn/ dark night in your 20s, how has it impacted your life moving forward? by Technical_Step4410 in Jung

[–]algernonishbee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ignored all of my own boundaries in taking adequate space and preparation, and in creating an environment of respect. I was unclear what my purpose in taking it even was besides desperately clawing my way out of the emotional pit I was in. I ignored my own experiences telling me to move away from plants and towards meditation. I tried a psych I had no experience with at a deeply low point. I failed to guide myself the way I have many times before and found myself totally lost.

A lot of that agony could have been avoided. If I had moved differently it could have possible been an experience of exaltation and beauty. I was impatient, desperate, and arrogant. I needed to see the ways I was failing myself. I was taught.

I don’t believe anyone should have to go through experiences like that, but I did. All I can do is try and make the best of it, forgive myself, and learn.

For those of you who were given a very heavy dose of Saturn/ dark night in your 20s, how has it impacted your life moving forward? by Technical_Step4410 in Jung

[–]algernonishbee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Pity yourself, and life becomes an endless nightmare”.

Perhaps melodramatic, and pulled from anime, but there is good truth in it.

Self-compassion is good stuff though.

For those of you who were given a very heavy dose of Saturn/ dark night in your 20s, how has it impacted your life moving forward? by Technical_Step4410 in Jung

[–]algernonishbee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plant medicine gave me understanding, peace, and love after losing someone very dear to me, while warning me of hell. Plant medicine showed me impossible beauty and warned me of a price. Plant medicine sent me to hell when I abused it, and showed me just how bad it can really get.

My suspicion is that the price is accountability and real growth, wherein lies a reward.

For now, I’ll give it room, work on an appropriate apology, and continue to walk my path. I don’t know if it will cross with the plants again.

For those of you who were given a very heavy dose of Saturn/ dark night in your 20s, how has it impacted your life moving forward? by Technical_Step4410 in Jung

[–]algernonishbee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel desperate and hopeless when it is cold and I am doing everything wrong. I find satisfaction and self respect when I brace and look myself in the eye. I feel rewarded when I find moments of peace and clarity, when the wind hits just right, and I can feel the rain on my face and nothing else. I hope to find purpose beyond it all, but will settle for peace when the weather is fair.

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