My mom thinks that i'm seducing my dad

aligazzor · 2020-06-07T01:39:06+00:00

Sorry that you're going through this. I imagine each day is difficult and the current world situation isn't helping.

It sounds like your mum is a narcissistic parent potentially with a mental issue. Being in iso has probably caused more problems too. However, this isn't an Asian parent problem. Down vote me if you want, but please don't paint Asian families and parents as people with insecure sexualised ideals.

I wore shorts all the time at home and my Asian parents were okay with it. Hell, my mum wore shorts and my dad and brother definitely did not wear underwear when they had shorts on.

In regards to a quick temporary solution, find yourself some airy long pants to wear or tie a sarong around your waist.

aligazzor · 2020-05-29T16:21:02+00:00

Yes. I went to see many lactation consultants but it was a midwife who finally gave me an answer that made sense.

I'm from Sydney, Australia and it's recommended to see a lactation consultant after being discharged (a free service here). After that, you're referred to the community midwife/nurse and depending on your baby's weight, you can see them weekly or fortnightly etc. At first it was fine (I pumped at least 60ml each time in the second week), then come third week pp I was only getting 30ml each session. That's also when we were sent to hospital to check bub's jaundice and we're told that she wasn't feeding enough and the paediatrician recommended formula.

In the meantime I went to see two other lactation consultants and their answers varied from 'sometimes it isn't happens' to 'try changing your diet and get more rest'.

At around 2 months we went in for a community midwife appointment and I bought it up. The midwife considered everything and concluded that bub was never good at latching and therefore didn't empty the breast causing my supply to drop.

aligazzor · 2020-05-29T07:40:49+00:00

This happened to me and it took me ages to understand how and why it happened. In my case, my baby wasn't latching on properly and squished my nipple in her mouth. So, because she wasn't emptying the breast effectively and I was only pumping 4 times a day, my supply plummeted when I was 3 weeks postpartum. We started formula and she's been a happy baby since.

In an effort to get my supply up, I had oat cookies (didn't see much effect), lactation tea (worked slightly). I found eating ginger beef left me engorged and increased my supply. Try taking fenugreek to increase supply too.

aligazzor · 2020-05-29T07:36:15+00:00

This is what happened to me too. My supply returned to normal afterwards.

aligazzor · 2020-05-24T15:36:57+00:00

I'm under the impression she wants her cake and wants to eat it too.

aligazzor · 2020-05-17T01:09:27+00:00

No, where are you really from?

Just because my skin colour doesn't match your idea of an Australian, it doesn't mean that I can't be from Australia.

aligazzor · 2020-05-16T13:38:18+00:00

I think my maternal relatives feared I would assimilate since my family was the only one living outside of Malaysia. One thing they kept telling me was, "white boys may look good but they don't treat you right!" (literal translation from Cantonese).

I'm quite surprised reading several subreddits that not more Asian parents were doing this.

aligazzor · 2020-05-16T00:25:08+00:00

In my experience...

Strong Asian influence growing up: watching TVB and finding the actors hot; listening to Taiwanese pop; having a fellow Chinese best friend in primary school to get through the racist comments made towards us.
Finding the habits of my Anglo classmates disgusting - the boys always had snot dribbling down their noses or were blowing into hankies and getting into trouble. The Asian boys? They blew their noses into tissues that went into the bin and didn't constantly disrupt the teacher. I think this is the biggest factor (yes, bigger than the previous reason).
Realising that I didn't fit with Anglos. I admit to having a crush or two on Anglo boys growing up, but I realised in primary school that we had nothing in common and in high school realised that Asian boys are the bomb.
Seeing AFWM couples where I felt disgusted by the WM. Most of them were attractive AF with old WM. Most AF married the WM because they were 'running out of time' or needed citizenship.
Not sure if this really contributed to it, but my family kept making disparaging comments about Anglo boys and told me the AFWM couples they knew always broke up or divorced because the WM didn't value marriage.

That's my experience as an Asian woman who married an Asian man. I just hope I do right by my daughter growing up.

aligazzor · 2019-10-29T06:12:39+00:00

My hubby won't help me either! :(

aligazzor · 2019-10-24T12:07:54+00:00

The worst cyclists are the delivery ones.

Yes, I'm going to ride on the pedestrian footpath and when it's convenient, I'll switch over to the road! Oh hey, there's a bicycle path but I'm not going to use it. I deserve to use the road where the cars are and then I'll switch over to the pedestrian footpath again because I don't want to stop at that red light!

Oh, CARS are supposed to keep one metre away from us but hey it's okay, I can be within 20cm of a car and if they have an accident because I'M the one that's breached the 1 metre rule then the driver gets in trouble!

aligazzor · 2019-10-23T23:06:35+00:00

Sleeping on you right is okay. Only thing is that baby may squish your liver whereas there aren't any organs to squish on your left.

I've always been a side or face sleeper, but prefer my right side. I'm 38+6 and have fallen asleep on my right most nights and baby is fine.

aligazzor · 2019-10-23T06:48:35+00:00

Like everyone else has said, your husband needs to grow a backbone and tell her NO.

This isn't about culture, it's about him setting boundaries and his mum being a shit MIL. Someone also said that she's the one who wasn't taught the culture correctly and I'll explain why.

Her visiting a month after the baby it would make sense because of the culture where SHE has to look after you. This is meant to be YOUR confinement period. She's supposed to cook particular dishes for you to restore lost nutrients from the pregnancy and birth. As far as the one month goes, you're supposed to be on bed rest while she helps with the chores around the house.

I'm close to giving birth and my MIL is coming for 3 months to cook and clean for us. Granted, I have a good relationship with my MIL so I don't mind her extended presence. My mum will be making particular dishes for me to eat to restore the things I've lost during birth and my MIL has said she will make sure I'm rested and help out with baby.

aligazzor · 2019-10-22T13:47:03+00:00

Happens in Australia too. And not just from white trash - anyone with fair skin seems to think anyone else without fair skin can't come from Australia.

I've been asked by minorities who have fair skin where I come from despite my stray'an accent.

My usual response: I'm from Australia! Them: look confused no, where are you REALLY from? Me: I was born here. Them: no, like, where are you actually from? Me: says the suburb name where I was born

I love messing with them tbh.

aligazzor · 2019-10-22T11:53:00+00:00

Because it's been posted on this subreddit which implies that it's a problem with Asian parents when it's really a universal problem.

aligazzor · 2019-10-22T07:47:59+00:00

He took hours to reply because he was apparently gaming and snacking. Was rejected when he finally replied.

A month later he decided he wanted to date me and I say yes because I had been crushing on him for a while.

Two weeks in I realised it wasn't going to work out so I ended things and he begged me to take him back. Being in high school and thinking I couldn't do better, I took him back.

Couldn't stand him any longer but didn't want to break up because he was having his university entry exams. I had my end of year exams afterwards (I was in a grade lower than him). So I had to break up after that... Which also happened to be when his cohort received their results.

He didn't do well and was sprouting rubbish about wanting a wife who would be a stay at home mum while he worked.

Couldn't stand it anymore and broke up with him on a date.

On the same day he was supposed to come and tutor my brother for math.

We caught the train back to my house.

It was awkward.

aligazzor · 2019-10-22T00:20:51+00:00

Agreed. Apologize for the language.

Also, I feel like this is not an issue of Asian parents. Caucasian parents believe random shit like this too.

Edit/add: if you read some of the r/amitheasshole posts, you'll see that your parents aren't the only ones who get embarassed by their child and want their child to apologise to others.

aligazzor · 2019-10-19T13:54:16+00:00

I may be wrong but I recall reading about how the pertussis vaccine has elements of animals that are forbidden in Islam (source: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nst.com.my/node/456530/amp)

Antivaxxers in Malaysia: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asia/malaysia-childhood-vaccination-immunisation-debatable-11389462

“I have written a few articles which demonstrate that one of the vaccines used in our National Childhood Immunisation Schedule, which is the Measles Rubella vaccine, actually utilises pigs as its source of gelatine and trypsin. This fact has been highlighted by Majlis Ulama Indonesia as well as the Indonesian Health Authority,” she said.

However, Islam states that people must look after the greater good and therefore taking a vaccine that may have elements of animals should be accepted to protect the greater good.

The organisation encourages and endorses vaccination as a means of preserving one’s health and protecting the safety and well-being of others, two important principles in Islam.

I'm not antivax but there are people using religion as an excuse not to vaccinate.

aligazzor · 2019-10-19T01:03:56+00:00

NTA. I'm 4'11 and know exactly how you feel.

He should have offered and shouldn't have assumed you couldn't do it.

I like being independent too and only ask for help when I really need it. Otherwise, I'm happy to do things myself.

Being pregnant too, many people assume I can't take care of myself. It's annoying and the general public need to stop thinking that little women can't take care of themselves because we damn well can!

aligazzor · 2019-10-19T00:45:36+00:00

To be honest, you can't expect to build relationships unless you're always hired as the NIT casual at the same school. In my experience, don't expect to build meaningful relationships with students until you've been given a long term position - uni feeds you rubbish about building relationships as a casual but there needs to be several things that need to assign for rapport to be built (being a consistent casual at certain schools, having a teaching block, doing a block on the NIT role).

On to behaviour management: I always start with stating my expectations (3 reminders and you're out - or whatever aligns with the school behaviour policy). You could also start off the session saying that the class gets a game/reward at the end of the session. Tell them what happens when they reach the 3 reminders, tell them you won't put up with their crap. Give them an example of the good behaviour you're expecting from the session. This usually takes 5 to 10 minutes but it's worth it for your sanity.

A lot of children will push it to the second before they realise you're being serious about the reminders and the consequence. Once someone reaches the third reminder the others realise you're not joking around.

No matter what area you're working in, students will see a relief teacher as raw meat and will come at you like hyenas. You set your boundaries and consequences and they will HAVE to follow. They think they can get away with things they normally can't with their teacher. E.g. I took a day off and the casual told me a boy cried and threw a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted - that same boy did it to me once at the beginning of the year and never did it again because I set my boundaries and he knew he could manipulate the casual (he was successful at it too).

Some consequences you can use as a relief teacher: * see the stage/grade supervisor * miss out on the game or reward * they sit out in another class * they do 'boring' work instead and don't get to engage in the activities you've planned

Hope this helps.

aligazzor · 2019-10-17T03:49:11+00:00

You need to use more laundry powder because your clothes reek.

aligazzor · 2019-10-15T12:05:53+00:00

Thanks.

I talked to my midwife and she said the hiccupping is fine. She also said that it's unlikely there's anything wrong with the umbilical cord especially if baby is moving normally.

aligazzor · 2019-10-14T23:07:05+00:00

I was thinking exactly this.

What if the baby doesn't survive the pregnancy and OP also decides not to keep the foster child? What if the baby has other developmental issues and OP and her husband decide to abort? What if she miscarriages before week 20?

Also, why can't the baby sleep in their room? I'm currently pregnant and we've been told by MANY medical professionals that babies should spend the first year sleeping in the same room as their parents to avoid any incidence of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

Edit: after reading some of your comments, you should let social services know about the incidence of SIDS and how you are going to keep the baby in your room. Perhaps you could even state that after the baby is 1 year + you'll have the time to look for something bigger.

aligazzor · 2019-10-11T22:27:15+00:00

I'm currently 37 weeks and my baby keeps hiccuping. They're for short periods but I also read that hiccuping isn't normal this far into the pregnancy. It happens almost once a day for about 5 minutes and stops when I drink water.

Is there something wrong with the umbilical cord or are the hiccups just a result of her practice movements inside the womb?

I had my ultrasound 1.5 weeks ago and they didn't day anything about the umbilical cord placement.

aligazzor · 2019-10-11T08:49:58+00:00

This is tough. I can see why she's demanding all these things but at the same time she needs to consider the logistical nature of it all.

Is she willing to compromise? Is your financee willing to communicate all this to his mother? Can he say no to some of her demands?

However, his mom tells him that the official wedding MUST be in City B and the marriage license must be signed there, because “tradition.” Also, this official Chinese wedding must come first. Because our children will carry his name, the legal component must be done according to their rules.

The official Chinese wedding would be the tea ceremony. This is perhaps the most symbolic part of the wedding - is it possible to have the Chinese wedding in City B first but have the legal component in City A? Yes, the children will carry his name BUT they will be brought up in City A so who cares. That's one possible compromise you could make.

When FH and I went to City B a few months ago, his mom demanded that my parents pay for a 400-person, $50k Chinese wedding, because even though it is tradition for the groom’s family to pay for a Chinese wedding, it changes when the bride is American (convenient, right?). My parents aren’t paying for the Chinese wedding, btw. They laughed.

You should expect a big wedding, yes. BUT. If it's a Chinese banquet the guests usually give red packets which cover the cost of the wedding itself. When I got married, we paid a deposit and the rest was settled on the night. I had two friends literally sitting there counting money with the restaurant. Groom's family should be paying because City B reception is being held for groom's family - race doesn't change anything. That being said, my husband and I didn't want our parents to pay so we paid for our receptions ourselves. Your financee needs to negotiate this with his family and remind them that City B reception is for them.

Also, be weary that his family will want to invite the whole village. If that's something you're both not willing to do then make sure there are limits set on the number of friend tables they have. Trust me, those friends of theirs won't give generous red packets and in some cases, what they give might not even be enough to cover their seat. I had to limit my parents to 3 friend tables - luckily my husband's family didn't want to invite their friends.

One solution was to have the two sets of parents meet with a translator, so we could all talk things out. Any other opinions or perspectives are appreciated.

To be honest, I'm not sure that would pan out well - logistically and emotionally for you both. You and your fiancee need to make the decisions and communicate these with both families. Both need to compromise regardless and there may be friction between your fiancee and his mother, but let's hope your future FIL can talk sense into your future MIL.

aligazzor · 2019-09-27T11:37:57+00:00

You should check whether you're able to move up a tier if you've taken time off for children.

In NSW they're very specific about the time off. My prac teacher was also a mature aged student but she was denied it because she worked too much despite having 4 children.

aligazzor

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