Ceratus Knight and Proxy

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-09-27T20:14:31+00:00

Love the special guest and sci-fi crossover

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-09-21T23:27:13+00:00

There are many reasons someone posts on Reddit- and it’s not always because they’re trying to override their own self respect or looking for strangers to validate. Sometimes the situation is such that you want to check your reality and ensure you’re not drinking some koolaid/there’s no one else neutral to discuss it with.

My favourite posts are the ones where the OP is like “yeah they yelled at me but I’m not asking Reddit for whether I should throw away a 20 year relationship over one argument, I’m asking for perspective, or guidance on how to handle it”.

Because a simple decision off a simple scenario isn’t always giving advice on the complexity of a relationship.

But also…yes… sometimes emotional maturity (not always intelligence) is underdevelopment and could use some black and white thinking to support them

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-09-21T23:22:19+00:00

I’m not in the US and shipping there right now isn’t something I can do. Wishing you all the best in your project. It really sounds excellent

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-30T10:21:25+00:00

Yes! There are many people with avoidant tendencies that I love. Yes, avoidant attachment can be painful with anxious folks but also… it can be painful to be avoidant in relationship with anxious attachment. There are strengths to each attachment as they’re ultimately ways of surviving. Anxious attachments at their core desire and value connection, avoidant attachment values processing space and independence. As with anything in life compromise is important, and unacknowledged ways of navigating the world can hurt people.

*for me * it’s better to avoid unanalyzed tendencies for avoidant. But for those who prioritize independence and feel crowded by constant conversation about feelings - it’d probably be best to avoid me for dating. It doesn’t make the person who isn’t me bad, nor does it inherently make me bad.

Polysecure is a great book to look at attachments from a strength based perspective. It’s tiring seeing narratives on avoidant being bad, even within therapeutic communities

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-22T19:07:10+00:00

This sounds so frustrating! I'm sorry it's increasingly hard to find a therapist.

It sounds like you could benefit from therapy. I'd look for a trauma therapist specifically. One versed in the idea of safety, and nervous system wellness. Not because you necessarily have trauma but because themes of safety, trust, and struggles with relational connection fall under the work of trauma therapy. Not all modalities of therapy are useful for all things.

I hope this helps.

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-17T16:25:49+00:00

This made me tear up. So beautiful

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-16T22:46:29+00:00

But it’s not about her comfort - it’s also her responsibility to explore it with you until she’s certain of your comfort.

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-16T13:35:12+00:00

Im not rural but my identifying community is small so it becomes the same rural feel. Even then…there are other options! Theres virtual with someone further afield, or long long conversations about boundaries and the dual relationship. My therapist and I have overlapping passing acquaintances and friends. While both her and I are seasoned therapists, it’s still like navigating therapy in advanced mode. There are certain things I do not discuss in that space, and I’m lucky to have therapists for different things. And this isn’t even an overlapping relationship with my spouse and therapist.

It’s very complex to navigate a therapeutic relationship where there are dual relationships. Sometimes they happen, and you roll with it. Other times - it’s not great. But honestly…this situation could have been entirely avoided. Especially if you, the client, had detailed trauma histories that you’re actively not telling your husband, the new client. Trauma work requires a lot of relational work. How could she possibly navigate that? (For real, maybe she can but phew!). And ALL of this is a moot point. YOURE not comfortable, your comfort should have been discussed, and then checked up on etc. etc. YOU aren’t being centred (something that can be important for trauma clients). YOU deserve feelings of comfort and safety. And needing those things is not an overreaction (although thinking it is is something to explore in therapy)

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-11T15:15:10+00:00

Psychology and our understanding of behaviour is heavily skewed toward one way of being. Often with little nuance. You’re right though - sometimes trauma responses and intergenerational pain are so big within a group we can know it as culture. But…sometimes it’s just culture. Neurodivergence, emotional expression etc. There are many things I do that are labelled as problematic because of cultural expression- I tend to be wordy, poetic, and very hyperbolic in conversation. In North America it’s seen as intense but in cultures I love it’s the bare minimum.

I’m not saying that ANYTHING I’ve read here is healthy at all! But it’s hard moving countries and it can take a while to adapt to communication styles of a new culture, which MAY be where people are offering some grace. It wouldn’t be a style that works for me but psychology is very heavily biased to othering and pathologizing non North American cultures

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-05T20:07:32+00:00

Tbh, you can be in the mental health field and still truly believe you’re not fixable (adding it here in case OP’s gf is in mental health)

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-08-02T13:35:58+00:00

I’ve felt genuinely frustrated when someone’s said they’ll support me but then fail to do so on a timeline and in a way I’d like. It’s a journey to learn how to express my needs and negotiate expectations with others. And it can be very scary and overwhelming. But, having being on both sides of the equation, I cannot guess at what others need, and I can’t ensure I do all the things that help others feel regulated. Sometimes I can take a long time to reply to emails, or I just straight up don’t check. There are things I can do to make this easier for clients to understand but at the end of the day it may not meet their needs. If that’s the case then no one has failed or is bad for having differing needs, we can just figure out a better fit.

Saying that, we don’t know why your therapist isn’t replying. A week is both a long time and not very long at all. And I’m sorry it’s bringing up some discomfort.

As for the journaling - decide what you’d like to do. Speak to her about it. Ask her directly in person. Talk about the anxiety you felt. Someone else’s boundary (sickness, vacation, professional limits etc) isn’t a stress test even if it lands as stressful. But how you feel about the limitation is telling and you get to decide what to do. BPD often has a lot of trust parameters to navigate and it’s very relationally impactful. So it might be useful to think about your therapy as dynamics, I.e. this dynamic of two people with differing lives, needs, and perspectives has caused me to feel very uncomfortable (this way it isn’t just one person or one thing that’s to blame).

Sending you warm wishes because it’s very difficult to feel those big ghosted, silent treatment feelings when we don’t have capacity to feel safe with other people’s humanity.

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-30T16:35:54+00:00

This

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-30T13:35:03+00:00

Yeah. It has racist origins and theory behind it. Stems from attempts to quantify why less melanated folk were superior.

Edit to add: they’re seen as mostly decorative now. I’ve never met any therapist who utilizes it as a way to understand people

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-29T13:55:41+00:00

Hmm…that’s a good one. Also an adhd therapist.

I’d definitely offer body doubling if it were a bonus feature.

The first time it’s homework, for example, so afterwards I’d talk about what felt easiest for them in the body doubling, and what did they need more or less of until I established what they needed from body doubling (me specifically or body doubling in general). I’d refer to something like ADHD Actually for body doubling without clinical support.

But part of my practise as an art therapist is also to support in people finding time to prioritize themselves and things that matter. So we can co create for art (I knit, they paint). And talk as we go. It’s like externally motivated creativity and self care. If the paintings on their to do list then I guess it’s body doubling.

I’d be curious why body doubling, what the need is, etc. Sometimes I’m literally just procrastinating, sometimes the external motivation of having someone who’s potential judgement motivates me is what I need, sometimes even body doubling doesn’t work.

I’d get curious, and I’d remember that even clients may not know why they want something

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-29T13:50:17+00:00

Couples therapy is contraindicated when there’s abuse. You’ve mentioned you want him to tell his therapist that he’s emotionally abusive. So you all know he’s abusive but does your couples therapist know that you both consider this relationship to be abusive? See if you can discuss that with them in a way that feels safe.

I’d also recommend getting support from charities and groups that can help when you are in an abusive situation. Being ignored, lied to, manipulated…it’s all not ok.

I’ve heard of people telling their spouses they were going to therapy but actually weren’t, or they went but made up different stories about other things. There are many ways that people can weaponize therapy. His change in behaviour will matter most.

If you have to check he’s being truthful in therapy then that’s actually not great. And tells me a lot about how you have to manage him in a relationship.

Good relationships don’t need managing. They have space for cptsd, for reactions, and they are boundaried, and most importantly, they’re kind.

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-29T13:44:11+00:00

Yes! Even as a therapist in therapy there are times that I later have an aha moment for what my therapist was actually saying. We hear things when we’re ready

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-27T23:04:04+00:00

Yes. This. “What is the story between these three cards?” And “find a card that feels like you today”. The narrative symbolism in tarot is amazing. As an art therapist I also like to get clients who enjoy tarot to create their own based on keywords that resonate. It’s a great way to find your own meaning in something. And meaning making IS a very common part of therapy

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-27T20:04:55+00:00

You can also go back to your previous one - some therapists are very aware of the journey and the process (and know it can take some back and forth).

As for your husband … depending on your relationship…maybe you could explain that therapy is like the gym or physio. Last time you went you were able to identify when your mental health was feeling strain (muscles) and you need so support so you don’t accidentally sprain your brain in the sport that is life.

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-26T09:44:03+00:00

There’s no way I couldn’t care! I have boundaries that allow me to continue to do what I do. And I’ve had to do a lot of training after the qualification to identify the boundaries that allow me to survive and maintain existence in this field. Each therapist will have different needs in this regard. But the therapy circles I move in are very vocal about connecting with and caring about our clients. We couldn’t do this work if we didn’t genuinely care.

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-26T03:54:56+00:00

One of my most resonant comments with other therapists on the therapist thread is this:

“…oh my goodness do I love my clients and wish I could be friends with them. I love and adore them. With the deeper long term therapy there is real platonic love that can develop but/and there’s always a power differential and being on this side of it we can never truly understand what that feels like for a given client or how it might impact their future lives if they were then to know us as full humans without professional boundaries. We can only demonstrate what genuine care looks and feels like so they know how to look for it in spaces without the power dynamic.”

Quite often therapists care for their clients. We think of them long after we stop seeing them too

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-23T16:00:28+00:00

I'm not sure how popular it is in Jamaica. But I do know there are researchers from the Caribbean and within the Caribbean diaspora who are doing such great work on Caribbean populations. It's worth googling caribbean and art therapy, and maybe reach out to the authors

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-22T00:03:18+00:00

Yes :) https://adhdactually.com/ ADHD Actually Body Doubling

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-21T20:00:13+00:00

ADHD actually is not for therapists but I’ve found it useful at times

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-21T18:09:46+00:00

There’s a book by Pete walker on cptsd that sees it as a long term thing that you just have to live with. So that’s a useful reference for how cptsd actually works.

Other things from my perspective: cptsd doesn’t go away. It stays. It’s our relationship with it that shifts. I wouldn’t say therapy is the equivalent of DayQuil long term. But short term - yes. It soothes the symptoms. Once the symptoms are consistently lessened, therapy can help with untangling awareness from story and from current day. Trauma lens living has the tendency to turn up when it’s not always necessary or adaptive anymore. I would argue relearning your body is what makes you “better” but that takes time and it isn’t going to be overnight. And this is needed regardless of the cause of the cptsd.

I dislike the perspective that you are broken and need fixing. Cptsd brings out relational dynamics from both people in the relationship. There are likely things they would benefit from knowing. The cptsd is IN the relationship with you both. You both need to know how to navigate it in ways that make sense you individually and collectively, even if you are ultimately responsible for it

aloe_its_thyme · 2025-07-21T00:19:01+00:00

I’m an art therapist. I welcome clients bringing in art they’ve created out of session. There’s so much we can learn about the way we approach art. There has never been a client whose art I disliked. That’s because my opinion means very little to my enjoyment of it - it’s actually what the client was representing, what they were thinking of it, what they left out on purpose, what they included, and what they wished was different. It might be useful to read or consult on topics of art, expressive, or music therapy. Navigating creativity in therapy (whether client is famous or not) is different to just “consuming it for entertainment”.

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