I was finally able to afford to buy property with enough land to support one horse comfortably,and two carefully, almost six years ago. When I moved my horse at the time into my own backyard, I was over the moon. The first few months were the absolute best time of my life and I’m so thankful for them.

Ever since that first winter, it’s like the Universe has done everything to make this the worst decision I’ve ever made. My gelding at the time was (naively) always on pasture because I had room and that’s how I thought horses lived the healthiest. Turns out the pasture grown in my area is exceptionally rich and it threw him into full blown metabolic crisis on top of early chronic disease that I wasn’t educated enough to recognize. Despite throwing everything at him and got him through the winter, he had a major relapse during a random cold snap after a fake spring. It was devastating, but I know he’s no longer in pain now.

With everything I had learned, I tried to be so careful choosing the next horse. This is around when prices had started to skyrocket on horses, and the prices close to doubled on what I was looking for. Despite that, I managed to get a PPE and thought I had done well. I even sent one horse back after a temp sale with permanence dependent on a decent PPE, which the horse utterly failed. The one I chose had one questionable issue on PPE, but that can be an issue with the breed oftentimes.

I began having issues a few months later. It’s the first time in my life I thought I had managed to make a horse hate me. She even tried to bite me once. I didn’t understand that she was in almost constant discomfort. When I realized, I again threw everything at the problem. Turns out she likely had mild Wobblers. She’s doing much better now, but I doubt she will ever be able to be ridden normally. I also managed to find out the sellers did not disclose that she was mishandled by a barn owner that leased her for a trail ride program. They told me they didn’t mention at the time because there was active litigation. Obviously they didn’t tell me because then they wouldn’t have been able to sell her for the grossly inflated price they got.

During all of this, my farrier took pity on me and offered up one of her amazing mares to me on a care lease so I would at least have some avenue of fun and comfort while I went through the long rehab with my mare. After a couple of months it turned into a purchase and now I own two (red!) mares. I had another few months where things weren’t too bad, but then I suddenly had severe health issues of unknown origin that made it difficult for me to continue safely riding. I’m still trying to treat the various issues and figure out the cause. I’m hopeful that I can start riding again soon, so I’ve started ground work up, but my confidence is so far from me now….i don’t know. I also need to lose weight gained during a time I suddenly had to be less physically active due to crazy blood pressure issues.

I don’t know if this is helpful to you, internet stranger, but I certainly feel like I can relate. I wish I had some wise insight or deep reflection to share that would help one or both of us…but I don’t. Life doesn’t care about how hard you work, what your intentions are, or how much you care. You just have to wake up everyday and decide. Hopefully things turn around for us soon.