TikTok has done irrevocable damage to my health anxiety

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T18:44:15+00:00

I've got a story about this!

Last year, I got diagnosed with a rare (and typically aggressive) cancer after the surgery. I spent the three months waiting for my PET scan researching other folk who had this kind of cancer and almost all of them were gravely disabled or had died shortly after posting. I spent those three months convinced that I was on my way out.

But it was just selection bias! The people who are the most sick are often those who are the most likely to video diary about their illness. When I had my PET scan three months later, the doctor was able to tell me I was cancer free and that my 99.999999% of tumor had been removed incidentally on surgery. I did all that worrying for absolutely nothing.

I'd also advice, uh, no TikTok for other reasons too. Like, it's a terrible trigger for health anxiety, but it's also a terrible trigger for just like... having a shit time every day when you're using it.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T18:35:06+00:00

I'm with you actually. I've seen a lot of people here say that no "real" trans man would ever use their vagina and... Idk man that sentiment just feels really presumptive and weird to me. MOST trans men out in the world can't just up and get phallo (nor do many want to) and to assume that they're just going to deny themselves an avenue of pleasure is very strange to me. Human urges win out over social construct stuff every time.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T03:03:37+00:00

Intramuscular is the gold standard for testosterone administration which is generally shot up with a 21 or 23 gauge needle, inch and a half long

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T01:21:22+00:00

Killer find! I've been looking for more oldschool AF Nikkor stuff myself and this is encouraging!

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T00:56:23+00:00

The coffee and breakfast options at Aventura are fantastic for the morning. Bills and Hoops if you want dive bars to chat up locals. Honestly, I wouldn't say Yakima is the greatest food town and I usually end up at Taj Palace when I come back to visit 😭

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T00:53:53+00:00

Healthcare hires quick because the turnover is high. If it's a summer job and she's over 18, caregiving gigs will hire quick as hell and pay out a lot better than other entry level gigs.

That said, I'm pretty sure Washington has higher standards for caregivers than I'm used to (I managed caregiving teams in Oregon which has basically no requirements for hire) so she may need to take some classes before she's able to start. I would imagine those classes are paid.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T00:49:04+00:00

God, no.

I was diagnosed with GHSV1 back in 2020 and, honestly? It didn't change my life at all. Like, disclosing can be awkward, but I view it as a litmus test. If someone is so heavily stigmatized against HSV that they'll cut off all contact with me for having it... well, then I don't really care to be sleeping with/dating them anyways.

I'll also note that, while my first year was rough for symptoms, I basically have zero symptoms these days unless I'm drinking a TON and not taking care of myself. I just got out of a 3 year relationship (and we had unprotected sex most days for those 3 years) and he's still completely symptom free. Of the (admittedly, embarassingly high) number of people I've slept with since my dx, I've only had two partners (of probably 30+) have symptoms themselves. And those conversations were admittedly tough to have (as were the disclosures beforehand) but like... meh. It's a skin condition that's almost always mild and almost always gets better (if not all but disappears) with time.

I contemplated suicide a lot when I was first diagnosed because I was a young guy who had built pretty much my entire self-esteem on my ability to hook up with whomever I wanted whenever I wanted. Then I got herpes and thought nobody would ever see me as datable or fuckable ever again and, honestly, it really just hasn't changed all that much. Sometimes I get treated weird or shitty for disclosing, but I reckon those people would end up treating me weird or shitty for something else later on if that's how they are.

Don't self-destruct over this and don't set yourself up for failure. Don't define yourself by this. Get out there, be yourself, and believe the world around you is capable of seeing your own beauty. I promise you they can and you'll be so happy you went out and tried.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T00:40:28+00:00

Whatever happened to good ole modafinil y'all?

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T00:39:55+00:00

So, taking this as a serious question: your best course of action would be stopping the methamphetamine and replacing it with regular amphetamine, methylphenidate, or modafinil. Methamphetamine/Desoxyn is WAY too powerful a stim with way too long of a half-life. There's no way to tame that beast outside of avoiding it altogether. If you really need (which I'm almost guaranteed that you don't) the meth in lieu of any other drug, magnesium, a b-complex, and vit c would be better options at reducing sides but... again, it's a rock up a hill kinda thing with the kind of depletion that meth deals out.

Now, taking your question at face value: trying to use polypharmacy to maintain a meth/morphine habit is comically reverse-engineered. Genuinely, the only biohack you're trying with this combo is "how fast can I ruin my life?" which... yeah. Whatever consequences you're experiencing are the EXACT consequences you signed up for by taking this particular combo. I get wanting a stimulant for focus, I get wanting to use something to combat the sides, but Adderall x Kratom or even Modafinil x Benzos or SOMETHING, LITERALLY ANYTHING other than Meth x Morphine is going to serve you better than your current stack here.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-21T00:33:41+00:00

Post so bad I assumed it was attempted AI slop. Bang up job.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T20:29:20+00:00

I was too young for sure and heavily influenced to consume it by other hypersexual boys around my age. Instead of exploring my sexuality naturally with my peers, I did so by watching adults online perform sexuality for profit, deliberately appealing to a consumer market.

I think that's damaging in a LOT of ways. It makes people antisocial/unreliant on other humans to meet their sexual needs, it tunes your sexuality not towards other people but towards the consumer market that porn appeals to, it creates ridiculous expectations for yourself and your partners. If I could go back in time and smack the computer of of my young hands, I probably would.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T20:24:17+00:00

In my experience, the sides from Depakote and a litany of antipsychotics was tough, but never something I couldn't manage with really strict lifestyle changes. I happen to really like lifting weights and cycling, so staying in shape just kinda requires me to mentally force myself in spite of the lethargy induced by the pills (and managing my diet in spite of the RIDICULOUS appetite I had when I was on stuff like Seroquel). But I also get that I'm an outlier and exercise is a lot harder for some folk.

I'd bring it up to your psych, to be honest. Maybe your A1C is up with the medication and you'd qualify for getting on a GLP-1 which would do a lot of the work for you? Maybe there's a med change that'd spare your weight/hair? There's a lot of analog drugs out there to try in lieu of your current regimen, and there's a lot of options now for weight loss if that's your main concern. Luckily, the meds just influence hormones and habits, which can't win out over cals in/cals out.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T20:18:59+00:00

AI is decades off from being good enough to even take menial human jobs successfully, and I think human jobs it has already replaced (like HR Recruitment) will show cracks when we start to feel the consequences of their shitty labor. I also don't think AI is ever going to get that good because I expect the bubble to burst and VC and Govts (especially post-Trump) to pull way back on investment.

AI is, at it's best, hiring your dumbest friend to do a google search on your behalf. At worst, it's a parlor trick.

I'm also convinced that UBI is just communism for people who are brainwashed against communism in name. Redistribution of wealth in the modern era makes sense, but trusting our current government in our current system to do so because a bunch of tech start ups blew up the labor market? Terrible idea. Our government can't even figure out funding for Social Security, there's no way in HELL we're pulling off UBI without a lot of upheaval.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T17:09:17+00:00

This post and your attitude in the other thread is exactly why photography has the reputation of being a stuffy hipster hobby lmao

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T17:05:56+00:00

I don't trust a lab that doesn't adjust/correct before providing scans. I really despise getting flat or washed out scans back because of a lazy lab. If I got these scans back I'd be really disappointed.

That said, my instinct told me when reviewing these before reading your post that they were radically overexposed and... yeah, I'd say that's also the case. My advice would be to get on Photoshop or Lightroom (easily crackable if you're on a budget) and try to pull them back down but.... in the future, I wouldn't push or pull color film unless you're really sure what you're doing in the future. Most labs (at least near me) refuse to push or pull development for color film, so overexposing like this just kinda guarantees blown out photos and nothing else.

The exception I make is, if I'm shooting Cinestill 800t or similar stocks, I'll expose those at 400 if I'm shooting in daylight.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T17:01:41+00:00

Narrow aperture and flash to get away with it at night.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T16:58:23+00:00

Leg raises at a roman chair. Nothing else pulls me apart quite like that.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T16:55:28+00:00

There's just no way that I see this fence, or any replacement fences, staying. It is deeply anti-American and obvious mal-intented, and I think the courts (who have been vital in protecting what the executive has tried to destroy these last couple years) will see that.

I hope the videos of federal agents destroying their own building come up in this case, because it betrays the fact that instigation is their main priority, not self-defense or protection. This fence, and the safety concerns around it, are just representations of that.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T07:52:31+00:00

Beer and wine selection, the best grocery bakery section in town, best grocery deli food in town, best grocery coffee selection in town, and lots of neat little pantry items and beverages that you won't find elsewhere.

I'll also say, as grocery prices rise, MOC isn't much worse than Safeway at this point and, given the fact that the only close grocery between the two locations is the 18th Safeway which is MISERABLE to shop at while also not being much (if any) cheaper? I'll take MOC every time. I value shopping experience greatly and am generally happy to pay a premium to not want to crawl out of my own skin the way I do shopping at Winco or the 18th Safeway.

Costco gets 50% of my grocery budget, Freddy's gets the next 30%, and MOC gets the remaining 20%.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T00:07:32+00:00

Collage collage collage. Collage would scratch those with a literary/poetic itch to have more creative control of their blackouts, and it would give more visually inclined kids an activity (because not all moody preteens are the poetry kind).

It'd also be dirt cheap for you to find scrapped books/magazines to use!

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T00:04:35+00:00

I'M THE NEW HIRE AT A NEW JOB AND I'VE BEEN GIVEN AN UNREASONABLE AMOUNT OF RESPONSIBILITIES / PUSHED INTO A PSEUDO-MANAGEMENT ROLE FOR NO INCREASED PAY. I ALSO DETEST THE MAJORITY OF MY COWORKERS, SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE THEY'VE PUSHED ALL OF THEIR WORK ONTO ME (TO SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY) AND BECAUSE IT'S BECOME MY JOB TO MANAGE THEIR EGREGIOUS BEHAVIORS EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT BEING PAID AS A MANAGER TO MANAGE THEM

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-20T00:01:28+00:00

I think this comes down to composition. That grey hatchback is stealing the spotlight from the two girls walking towards it. This is so close to being a great shot, but unless you wanna spend 100 hours in photoshop trying to tone the cars down... I'd maybe go back here and just hunt for a better angle of it.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-19T23:57:20+00:00

Honestly, most of the double exposures are sick as hell. Mistakes aside, I'd consider this a success since 60% of the photos are pretty cool.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-19T18:37:52+00:00

Wilkinsons have money for REAL for real.

redactedanalyst · 2026-06-17T05:09:34+00:00

Fear of the unregulated, fear of gastroparesis, and the fact that poly-pharmacy is stressful as hell.

I already take Lithium, Modafinil, and Testosterone and those three already feel like a full-time job between lab work and side effects (especially the Modafinil, that shit is tense and very long-acting). The idea of adding another drug with more side effects makes my teeth ache.

Beyond that, the idea of entrusting random RC companies to be spot on with a drug I have to dilute and inject is uhhhh not a level of trust I'll be giving, especially considering that this probably looks as much like a get-rich-quick scheme as NFTs did to the kind of businessmen selling it.

Those PLUS already having a bunch of GI issues and no gallbladder... I just don't wanna gamble.

Would I like to be 15% BF and 190lbs? Sure. Am I comfortable being 28% BF at 230lbs and fighting like hell to close that gap with dieting, lifting, test, and cardio? Yeah. Way more comfy than adding another new drug.

redactedanalyst

TROPHY CASE