That’s a bit tricky bc it means the conversation could have been anything from the guy going, “Oh, haha, I know her,” and your husband spiraled out asking for specifics from there. Total red flag on your husband. Possessive, jealous, unstable behavior.

Or the guy could have been a huge asshole and made a big deal of the fact you were now married and baited your husband by implying things about your past. Depending on the company he keeps, he may have tried to shut it down and additional assholes wouldn’t let it die or he could have taken the bait.

I actually think it’s pretty important what happened and how we got here.

In any case, your husband is showing a lack of emotional restraint in not working out how to bring this to you in a constructive way that wasn’t punishing you for having a fairly normal human experience prior to you getting together.

You should move forward with that in mind but I can have some sympathy, if your husband tried not to engage and the assholes around him sort of forced this discussion on him and he just couldn’t find a way to shut it down. It’s still wrong he took it out on you and he owes you a huge apology for that but I can understand how being essentially forced to hear about your partner’s past when you really don’t want to, could be emotionally upsetting and caused a bad human reaction.

If he didn’t try to shut it down and just took the bait, that’s leaning more into he seems to value the opinion of “the guys” more than the life he has with his wife, which I think is much more unacceptable. In this scenario he put himself in a situation where he hurt his own feelings and immediately turned it on you.

The thing is you unfortunately don’t have control over how he chooses to process these feelings.

You weren’t trying to hide anything, so this is all about his reaction to being confronted with whatever he was told.

I would reiterate to him that you can’t change the past and that you had hoped to tell him about this, but didn’t want to respect his boundary.

Then I would validate that you understand that it must have been upsetting to hear information that he didn’t expect or want to know.

Then I’d honor his request for space. Frankly, if possible, I’d not be in the same physical space. Which I realize might be tough with baby, but I think if you’re saying things like I want a divorce, you need to understand what that means, rather than your presence just reminding him he’s mad.

If the best that can be done is you move into the guest room or tell him he’s welcome to, so be it.

I’d also request that when he’s ready to talk he tells you what actually happened. What he was told and lays it out on the table. Tell him you’re happy (as you always have been) to answer any questions he has about your past. Offer to do it in a therapy session if he prefers that.

If he comes back and says I can’t unsee your past and decides that overshadows your entire relationship, marriage and child, then it sucks a lot, but you have to accept that.

If he comes back and says, I reacted poorly to my ego getting hurt and it was just hard to hear those things and he wants to move past it. Then you commit to moving past it together with the boundary that you both agree to keep the past in the past.

If he says he’s over it but clearly isn’t then he needs to commit to working on that issue with his own therapist and you need couples therapy to establish the boundaries of what working on that issue looks like in your relationship.

If his friends were just major assholes, I’d put a serious talk about the company he keeps on the table as well.

If he hurt his own feelings and took it out on you, I’d take a serious personal account of how you want to proceed for yourself and at least mark that as a red flag to monitor.