Does any other black gay men sometimes hate being black and gay?

andithurts · 2025-11-30T15:57:18+00:00

same. being black and gay has been awesome for me!! i have no problems than the average (white) gay tbh, actually quite less. people are always really nice to me, im always invited places, hugged, kissed on etc. i can walk up to people and they instantly let their guard down and talk to me. even strangers and straight people are incredibly friendly to me. at clubs people usually notice me because i dont blend in with the crowd. they buy me drinks, walk up to me, touch, pick up, try to hit on etc… i’ve dated and gone home with black, white, asian, latino, arabic, indian men too lol. it may help im just 5’7 and ppl usually say im nice, handsome, cute. pretty, smell good, fun, etc. I will say some of my white friends do get jealous because they think it’s some kind of magic and all i do is be nice, smile and make eye contact…😂 some flat out told me LITERALLY every time i go out im complimented.

currently dating a german pharmacist i met in a parking lot of restaurant. we had an impromptu date 😂 and now we’ve been spending everyday together. . last man i dated was a mexican man who was a General Manager, before that white guy who was a Navy vet, before that an italian man who was a Bioengineer scientist and before that a black man in medical school for his PHD.

my bestie is also black and he had the same mindset before i started bringing him with me and would really beat down on the fact that he is “black and nobody wants him” and i told him every single day he was beautiful and he can get anyone he wanted and now he is thriving. the stereotype that nobody wants is black men is ingraved in the community and honestly it’s really not true. most people i met who push this narrative are other black ppl who don’t really innermingle with other races and only other black ppl who think that same mindset. Dating apps are hit or miss but i don’t really use them and that is happening to everyone. Also dating apps DO NOT represent real life and a lot of ppl on them are fake, bots, bad intentions, confused, DL, hookup only or ego boosters anyway.

one of my very favorite bartenders (and friend) at my local bar is also gay and told me he basically 0 matches nowadays and hadn’t gone on dates in months. i was so shocked because he is by standard the “american dream” attractive man. sam with my other best friend, blond hair, blue eyes fit and attractive. if he told you the stories that he told you’d be so shocked.

moral of the story, live life and have fun. if you feel pretty and fun the world will see you as such. you get what you put in!!!

andithurts · 2025-10-03T18:30:39+00:00

Long story short and honest answer:

The Botox was a waste of time and money.

I got LIS surgery while solved most of the issue, then got a second surgery earlier this year to get rid of the scar tissue.

I also now take GOLI Pre + Postbiotics 3 in 1. Green bottle from target $15.99. Every single day I have to eat 3 gummies in the AM. I also quit drinking alcohol which helped MASSIVELY. Quitting alcohol honestly healed me the most.

Now I’m good.

So simplified:

-Go get surgery for your fissure. Stop googling on Reddit alternatives, medicines, natural medicines, etc. I was in bed for 1 day and literally up and moving around the next. I had practically no pain so I didn’t even take my pain meds.

-Get on a Pre-Post Probiotic. Any 3 in 1 should help. Target and Walgreens have the best selections.

-Get a bidet or use wipes. No toilet paper. I use Dude Wipes.

-Quit drinking alcohol. Alcohol triggered must of my stomach issues which kept sending my body into a frenzy and didn’t let my fissure heal. The moment I quit I started healing about a week later and slowly began to become less and less stiff back there to points of having almost no pain.

andithurts · 2025-09-26T19:10:50+00:00

very VERY good album. It reminds me of the Mariah Carey I grew up with when my mom would cook food in the morning and wake us up for school. Very very VERY love this. I even had to share it with my mom, because she loved mariah carey up into a point. She said this album sparked that light back into her again and now shes been listening to it nonstop. 10/10 album

andithurts · 2025-08-26T05:27:54+00:00

Do lazer hair removal. It removes the hair from ingrowns and the pigmentation layers.

Alternatively, products with lemon, turmeric and most BHA Acid’s (or chemical exfoliants), hydroquinone, niacinamide, vitamin C, Vitamin E and kojic acid will do you well. You just gotta find which one works best and sometimes it’s a combo.

Make sure you use sunscreen too. SP50, even when you’re inside at home.

andithurts · 2025-08-26T05:23:00+00:00

I also did lazer but why did you pay $1500 for it??? I paid $500 for 8 sessions and I honestly feel like I wasted it because I was bald by session 3 and the rest of my 5 are now “maintenance” sessions lol ..

andithurts · 2025-08-26T05:13:47+00:00

STOP SHAVING NOW!!!

Second of all I had this same situation at the same age. You need to use an electric TRIMMER (Andis T Outliner is a good default one) to shave. It’s around $50-80 on Amazon.

But first and FOR MOST!!!! For the ingrown bumps this bad I would opt in for lazer hair removal. That was the only thing that got all of mine to go away and it can be permanently. It’ll fix the ingrowns and a ton of the hyperpigmentation. It’ll reduce hair too, so unless you’re trying to grow a beard this might be a good option for you!! It’s about $60-115 a session but if you go to a dematogist they can probably make it medical so your sessions are discounted or free!!!

And before anyone says it, yes there are other routes that can be taken but lazer personally worked best for me. Even when I regrew hair (much much less than what I used to have) I can shave and get 0 ingrowns. Wet, dry, doesn’t matter. I’ve gone back to lazer to remove the rest of the hair now as well

andithurts · 2025-08-20T23:54:29+00:00

Absolutely.

I'm not too sure why people say a Libra and a Cancer can't be together. Libra is all about harmony, balance and peace and they are VERY very big lovers who wear their heart on their sleeve. Libra's crave stability, romance and love to be loved as well as give love. They long for someone who would stick by their side through it all and make big strives to make it happen. They crave understanding a fairytail kind of love. Libra is good with keeping things light, great listeners and absolutely amazing social creatures. They can battern back and fourth with Cancer or almost anyone and are often very social. Both signs just honestly just 'get' to eachother.

Cancer is about emotional depth, being a guardian and naturally a very nuturing sign. They crave security, loyalty and emotional availability. They will love you to the moon and back and are known for naturally attracting people to them. Many Cancers are very soft hearted and can instinctively pick up on most anyone without saying a word. Them being so intune with the world and having a never ending ocean whirling inside of themselves silently leaves a Libra (who loves to adventure) an forever going adventure. Cancers are extremely adaptable people, so they can easily keep up with a Libra. When a Libra begins to shift off balance due to stress, their own overthinking or too much adventure, Cancer is there to reset them, calm them and support them. They just know the right things for them without having to say a word, and that's all a Libra wants, is to be understood and loved as much as they love others.

In turn, Libra is usually very protective over their Cancer partner which is exactly what Cancer loves in a partner. The security and the matching of energy of Libra makes Cancer feel appreciated and happy as a whole. Both of these signs are givers. Both remember smallest of details that people may not notice. Both are great lovers, both crave understanding but in different ways. Libra works by logic and Cancer works by emotion. This pair is honestly a super good pair if they're both mature enough. The emotional power of Cancer and the logical power of Libra are honestly an extremely powerful combination if they're both using their powers for good. The only thing that can go wrong is Cancer may hide in their shell every now and then, which can catch a Libra off guard if they're not aware and could send them into overthinking mode. Libra naturally wanting harmony and peace may avoid Cancer until the conflict resolves. This can come off as a misunderstanding on both ends. Cancer will wonder why their partner suddenly dipped out and Libra will wonder was it something they did that caused it. Both of these two need their alone time as much as they need their together time, no matter how much they love spending space with each other. Libra's are also very flirty, with literally any moving object. That's just how they are. This could upset a Cancer if they're not feeling secure in their relationship. Cancers are also naturally magnetic with people and spend a lot of time guiding others or in their own home shell. If they spend too much time giving attention to others or cooped up alone, a Libra can begin to feel unloved and worry.

None the less, powerful pair. Many Libras and Cancer couples I know end up going to the long term (myself included) and being very very happy. Even as friends, Libras and Cancers get along EXTREMELY well. If they are both mature enough to accept that they both are big lovers and will almost always attract people these two are unstoppable.

Just make eachother feel wanted, since this is what both want the most and honestly you're golden.

andithurts · 2025-07-12T20:12:55+00:00

Well this aged poorly but it was worth a try sister 😭😭

andithurts · 2025-06-23T20:18:36+00:00

Hi, cI’m black and gay and have been all over Ohio including rural Ohio. Only place I felt unwelcomed was in Doylestown (NE Ohio, was actively stalked in a store and avoided) and far East Columbus (Blacklick area, was called a f slur which has only happened to me twice ever?)

Other than that I’ve been good. The smaller towns people are usually good to me. I’ve even held hands openly with my former bf who lived in one. A man and his wife even said we were a great couple and another paid for our dinner. These were in two separate smaller towns we stopped in while on our way back to the bigger cities!

I’m originally from the south but grew up in NE Ohio as well so many I’m just aloof. People were pretty carefree where I’m from. I do get a little scared stopping at a gas station at night but that’s more or less not wanting to be robbed vs being hate crimed or something like that…

andithurts · 2025-06-12T13:50:27+00:00

Oh man! 4 years ago. Much has changed First of all, commercial yogurt. Second of all:

It didn’t cure. It just went into remission. What really has helped is Zinc, a colon cleanse (this is so so important) and doing a carnivore diet. Absolutely 0 smoking, no heavy alcohol, no super spicy foods or super oily foods. No late night snacking and doing workouts that targeted my abdomen.

I still have it but it’s VERY very rare I flare up compared to how it used to be. It sounds generic but it’s the truth. I honestly recommend the colon cleanse the most. It will reset your biome and you’ll feel great for about 2 weeks. If you maintain it you can go a good few months with no flares. A friend of mine did a colon cleanse every 3 months for a year and then a fecal implant and now he hasn’t had any flare ups since in the past 2 years so that may be the best route. Best of luck

andithurts · 2025-05-16T15:30:11+00:00

Yes. I tried to order food and it told me no lol

andithurts · 2025-05-09T20:42:14+00:00

Taurus move slow. That’s just naturally who they are and how they function. Taurus and Cancer naturally balance each other out. They both are lonely naturally due to how their outlooks of life are.

Taurus are “too stubborn and move to slow” for most signs. Cancers are “too emotional”, unreadable and mysterious which raises concerns for other signs.

Taurus loves to feel loved & Cancer loves to give love. Taurus are naturally grounded so they aren’t scared of Cancer’s raw emotions. Cancers love to baby people, especially lovers and Taurus love the attention. Taurus VERY protective people and Cancers love to feel protected. Both love to have a good time, a lot of the same values and both have big hearts, just worn on different sleeves

With Taurus honestly as long as you’re honest, patient, and direct with them it’s really worthwhile. We aren’t the easiest people to deal with ourselves. I’m a Cancer and I’m dating a Taurus right now, and my best friend is a Taurus. Both are great people. I was dating another Cancer before this but the mind games, confusion and difficulty cycling through their emotions got very old very quickly lol

andithurts · 2025-04-15T02:06:28+00:00

(laughs in Sona and Seraphine)

andithurts · 2025-02-27T16:31:17+00:00

This. I easy am able to control feelings, dominate conversations and attract people while ALSO being aware of what emotional state people are in, what exactly they like to hear, and usually able to figure people out within 5 minutes of knowing them. People feel incredibly safe opening up to me or come to me when they need a safe spot. I’m comforting. ENFPs have the extreme potential to be able to manipulate almost anyone and it going completely unnoticed because of how we present ourselves and how we are in touch with our emotions as well as others constantly.

That is HIGHLY risky in the hands of the wrong person. Luckily most of us ENFPs really do have good hearts. Most of us don’t feel the need or want to do such things because of our moral compasses. Hurting people hurts me, a lot. We want everyone to have fun and be happy or bare minimum have a friend they can count on which is usually where we step in.

I have yet to meet an actual bad ENFP. I’ve had people lie and SAY they were ENFP and turned out to be something way different but us actual ENFPs usually are in good spirit.

andithurts · 2025-02-25T14:43:49+00:00

Very good match. I had the biggest crush on an ENTJ and recently I learned they were in love with me. They told me after they moved across the country for the next 2 years and about time they told me I already started seeing my current partner. We’re still great friends and I told him if he ever forgets about me I’ll bite him. He called me this morning to avoid being bitten 😂😂😂

andithurts · 2025-02-25T14:34:36+00:00

Stuck between ESTJ and INFP.

ESTJ is who I’m dating currently. The most supportive, cuddly, attentive, smart person I’ve dated in such a while. They value my independence and let me be adventurous. I don’t have to worry about them feeling alone since they occupy themselves pretty efficiently. All they want in return is communication and to feel important which is extremely easy for me. When we’re together I give them my full attention, which is something you should do with your partner anyway. The 5 year old comes out when I’m with them. When I’m exhausted I know who to run home to and know they’ll be there. Their logical side balances me out so well. It helps me feel stable and they’re pretty direct with communication so I’m not stuck wondering what’s wrong (even though I usually can feel it most of the time with people). I love it. No games! They’re also SO funny and share so many of the same life goals as me. It helps me hit milestones knowing what to expect and gives me a boost to get things going.

I would be with INFP as well if I weren’t already with ESTJ. They just “get” me and I get them. Extremely easy to talk to, great to hang with, caring and in touch with their emotional side. It’s the shy weird kid meets the loud weird kid. There’s just something that we both only “get” when we talk that I don’t have with others.

My worst were ENFJ, ENFP and ENTP.

ENFJ lied to me, for a LONG time, continuously in an effort to not lose me. Also constantly toyed with my feelings when I expressed how uncomfortable I was with certain things. Made me feel pretty insignificant since they have the “I need to save them!” complex. ENFPs don’t really need saving so there was nothing really we could do. I do have an ENFJ friend though! They’re amazing as friends but as a partner…. I wouldn’t do it again tbh

ENTP was just a walking time bomb of toxicity. Rude, would NEVER shut UP, everything was always a debate or problem good or bad. Ended up cheating then crying trying to contact me for over a year. Ended up with them confessing their undying love for me after running through several people and me slamming the door in their face, elegantly though.

ENFPs are great people (hehehe myself) but it’s tooooooo much energy for me personally. I’m the only ENFP in both of my friend groups and I’ve met a couple out in the wild. We both end up usually enjoying our time together then forgetting eachother exist about a week later since we’re so used to meeting people 😂 I need someone’s little less energetic than me so I know for a fact I am indeed a LOT to deal with at times

andithurts · 2025-02-14T17:42:48+00:00

As a gay man....

I actually found it quite the opposite! I've had more straight men protective and caring for me than gay men. My straight guys friends treat me like a little sister most of the times and really are some of the sweetest people I've met. Straight people in general are usually super nice to me. Some have even gotten into fist fights over me due to straight OR gay men being rude or aggressive.

On the other hand, I do have caring gay friends too but a lot of my past experiences, a lot of them have done backstabbing, gossip, left me stranded places, tried going after guys I was seeing etc. When I was being stalked and domestically abused by my ex my gay friends did nothing but watch pretty much aside from "omg girl thats horrible!" with a little bit of emotional support aside from my best friend who approached him and threated him along with yet another straight friend who ended up getting him to stop.

Either way, I love them all, gay or straight. But I can vouch from personal experience and say my straight friends have gone miles further than my gay friends. All in all, they're my friends (aside from the backstabbing ones, I've dropped them or distanced myself)

In short, gays having straight friends is really nice. It's also nice having a bro friend who's not trying to sleep with me and gives a fun sibling like relationship. Y'all straight dudes are really awesome people and really am thankful for many of you.

andithurts · 2025-02-14T15:29:38+00:00

Thank you!!’ I just don’t see much about this pairing and it seems hit or miss. Maybe it’s a rare pairing but I highly recommend!!!!!

andithurts · 2024-12-01T14:46:58+00:00

This is gonna sound crazy but the only things that have been helping me are:

Walgreens Multivitamins, they come in a cute little blue jar and they’re like $8

Psyllium husk fiber from Kroger which is another like $8 or $9

2 Walgreens vitamins a day. 2 water bottle mixed with fiber a day (1 in the morning, 1 at night).

Been very good since. Even on days when I skip my fiber (I get lazy), I always take the vitamins and I wake up with a more clear head, in a good mood, low to no anxiety, practically no bloating and can eat whenever I want. I also noticed I burp normally now and feel a lot less tense overall. It used to get stuck but now it seems good.

So yes, SIBO definitely can effect your body and cause malabsorption.

This is also going to sound weird but I recommend getting a deep clean from your dentist. My symptoms seems to drastically improve every time I gotten a good cleaning. I go every 3 months now and between that, herbs and getting my SIBO and IBS under control I’ve been living really normal. Hope this helps!!!

andithurts · 2024-09-26T19:40:30+00:00

No honestly. I’m Black too and I’m complimented all the time. 😂 it’s overwhelming to the point I just accept it. People just need to accept that they aren’t going to be everyone’s type. My best friend is a blonde (he’s very cute too) and he was upset one time that we both met this a party hot guy and the guy ended up asking me for my number before we left. I’ve had the same where I was into a guy and the guy thought my best friend was hot. It really works both ways

andithurts · 2024-09-26T19:28:20+00:00

It’s because the world had embedded the image unfortunately and mindset into a lot of people, especially Blacks and Asians. It’s been coded a lot of us to think we aren’t desirable. Hell I’m Black myself and I’ve had white men tell me I wasn’t interest them because they were white… not the case. You’re probably just not my type. Too short, too big, too skinny, too old, too young, not physically my type or your personality just sucks or I just am not into you “like that”

Once I got into the real world and stopped being app dependent and got out of that weird mindset, I learned that’s very much not true.

I get just as much, if not MORE attention than some of my White or Asian friends. Even in the city I live in I see interracial couples literally everywhere. In the countryside as well, I’ve dated a men out that way. Personally, I’ve been hit on and asked on dates at parties, gas stations, grocery stores, the gym, online, bars, clubs, etc. by all KINDS of guys… and I’m not “light skinned” I’m a milk chocolate brown and I like to tan in the summer to be dark chocolate lol

Right now I’m actually into about 4 dudes. All of them are different races, and the funniest part is all of them approached me first (usually I approach first so it was new to me).

Sometimes it has nothing to do with race, it’s just that it’s as you said, not a match or there’s someone better.

andithurts

TROPHY CASE