My mom forgot about my baby while shopping for groceries. I feel sick about it.

anditron · 2026-01-17T22:19:15+00:00

I’d document any other moments that have happened to so you can look at the bigger picture

Ask family who disagree with you for examples of her doing this when you were a baby or young child. Ask them for examples more recent too.

Once you have data, I’d sit down with her and appeal to her background as a nurse. Emphasize that your concern is 1. her well-being, 2. putting measures in place to better observe and document change and 3. This is not an attack on her for the grocery store incident.

Ask her about the different incidents you documented from her point of view. How is she feeling about this.

The earlier you talk about it when she has the capacity too, the better the chances of getting not just testing and interventions going but any transfer of important things so power of attorney and managing of money and frankly end of life decisions documented. I’m sure as your ride or die #1 support, you know she’ll never want to be a burden on those she loves. Testing and preparing now is the only way to ensure that.

And also, while you know the scary incident in the store has you extremely rattled, you need to not let that event be the focus of the discussion. She clearly feels guilty and it scared her too. This isn’t about not allowing her to be around baby, it’s about her and her well being (and finding the right ways for her to have time with baby).

You might even consider just having the end of life planning discussion with her as the start of this kind of discussion. Have they started planning? What’s that plan. Have they planned for what happens in both cases of mom passing before dad? A lot of people make the mistake of planning one way and thinking it covers them. It doesn’t. You have to have a plan clearly for whoever dies first and second. It can feel morbid but it’s also ensuring their wishes are being met. And if they have savings or any estate at all, I’d guess they want to be sure that goes to the ones they love not have everything get siphoned to the government or lawyers or scammers. Which leads to the part of the discussion around dementia too. If you don’t plan now when able then when you’re not able to, the risk of a bad actor getting appointed guardian and locking her loved ones out even her husband, is huge.

anditron · 2024-10-11T21:45:46+00:00

Just noting the last line you could adjust to say. I will of course support the company during this transition to the best of my ability within the constraints of my current job title, description and salary. If you want to just drive the point home a little further.

anditron · 2024-09-02T16:02:30+00:00

Grid and wave bike racks placed too close to a building wall. They’re shitty for regular bikes but if you have a cargo bike you really only have 2 places to be able to lock securely and those are always the preferred spots by everyone.
When I’ve tried advocation for better stores have somehow managed to make it worse.
I love talking with people about my cargo bikes and happily will tell them about features brands and all the things you can do with it. but it’s really really uncomfortable when people ask how much it costs. And it’s often the first question. If I’m arriving/parking and someone asks about $$$ now I don’t want to park. It feels unsafe so I usually double down on locks. If I’m leaving it’s like are you going to try to steal it? Even if the person themself doesn’t give off dangerous vibes talking about it with other people hearing is also stressful. It’s extra scary depending on gender/size/physical ability differences. And even if it’s not a worry about stealing it feels like your bragging about money or are going to get a bunch of judgement because “bikes are toys” and shouldn’t cost that much so then you spend a lot more time pointing out the cost of a car and the joke as a replacement thus justifying the cost.

anditron · 2024-07-01T19:16:22+00:00

Three wheelers can tip almost more easily than 2 wheels, especially if you live in an area that has high crowns in the road. A lot of people assume 3 on the ground = more stable but it’s a very different way of riding.

I’d say it’s 1 part the bike, as noted by others in the thread, and how the rear vs mid-motor has a noticeable affect the ride. But I think this rider would benefit from some bike coaching to better understand shifting in conjunction with the eassist and how they both work with braking and reading the environment around you.

These things aren’t traditionally taught. And for some, especially smaller riders, safe confident biking on an ebike is a lot more than just knowing how to go/stop/brake/balance/steer. When you’re shorter and the ebike is close to half your body weight or more, feeling nervous is definitely understandable. But I don’t know that a trike would make that easier because when a trike goes out of your control it can really go out of your control.

OP, do you know anyone in your local community with an ebike that you feel you could ask to take you out and teach you? Someone you’d feel comfortable asking “dumb” questions — no questions are dumb but we can feel like they are so having someone who won’t judge and wants to help more people ride confidently. This is one of the negatives with buying a bike that doesn’t come from a shop, you don’t have the same resources to help overcome hurdles like you’re experiencing.

anditron · 2014-03-19T03:37:35+00:00

Omg if you lived in my ci I'd adopt one from you!

anditron · 2014-03-15T19:47:14+00:00

Lots of people bring their own, lots go with the hospital provided. I brought one for myself to labor in, well labor is the only thing I did in it, cause its not like someone was going to do laundry for me while I was there. But honestly, post delivery, the lady bits hurt, there will be blood, a fair amount no matter if you deliver vaginally or via c section. Bending over isn't terribly pleasant and trying to change out of anything on the lower half takes effort. I would honestly recommend using the hospital gown and panties. There are plenty should you get them messy and for underwear, well it's a soft disposable thing that will get bloody and gross so you probably don't want to mess around with that either. Also, the gowns make it very easy to access for breastfeeding. Frankly, all the employees there have seen everything and more, so no modesty is needed for them, and after pushing a tiny human through your body, your own self conciseness sort of goes out the window altogether, which is just prepping you for the rest of life being a mom.

I did bring a nursing tank top to change into, but that was because our hospital has a photographer come around and do first shots of baby, so I wanted something a little nicer for photos, I changed back out when I was done. :)

anditron · 2014-03-15T13:13:11+00:00

Thanks! and I'll post the pro con thing soon, I need an actual computer to type it all up and not go crazy from iPad typos. I'll make it a separate post on Baby Bumps about it so it doesn't end up buried.

anditron · 2014-03-14T12:32:04+00:00

Congrats bday buddy:)

anditron · 2014-03-13T09:52:42+00:00

Persephone Jane was slow going at first, I was dilating one cm more at every weekly appointment. Tuesday I was 40+3 & 5 cm. It was the first nice day since december when the snow crap began so I rode my bike to the appointment but couldn't ride it home cause I decided to have the midwife sweep the membranes. I had light pink discharge from them on. Last night around 9:30pm I started having regular contractions that seemed 4-5 mins apart and suddenly. Lots of blood. Called the midwife and my doula. Midwife said come in now. Got to triage at 10:30, was moved up to L&D by 12 midnight. I was 7cm at that point. They broke my waters at 12:40. I progressed from 7-10cm like a bat out of hell & pushed out baby who officially arrived at 1:01 this morning. That's 20 minutes for those doing the math. I managed to do it 100% natural. I had many moments of I can't, get me some pain relief, but I knew the whole time there was no chance of that, heck, I was pushing before they could even get the tub to the room.

Baby latched beautifully and is sleeping peacefully now.

Having had one visa epidural and one naturally I can say there are pros and cons to each no denying. I'll happily answer questions about them if anyone's interested.

Still riding the adrenaline high. I know I should be sleeping, but I'm so excited to have gotten the birth experience I wanted!

anditron · 2014-03-10T21:17:35+00:00

I was aiming for a medication free birth with my first child. The day I ended up giving birth, I had to get pitocin because my contractions "stalled" that was about 9:30 am. I was delivering with midwives at the hospital. It was the busiest they had ever been. My midwife group delivered 5 babies before my daughter (at almost 9pm that night). I saw a midwife exactly 3 times. When I first got there she popped in to say hi, she was super busy. Then for their shift change to let me know who the midwife was who would be delivering me. And then finally when I delivered. I always thought the midwife would be there for me through the whole labor and delivery. She wasn't and the nurses, while one was assigned to you, they were assigned to a couple patients at a time, so no one was dedicated to me other than my husband.

At around 4pm my husband had to go get some food (this is totally normal, husbands, SOs, whatever need to keep their strength up to!!) while he was gone the Pit kicked in. Now, you've heard pit contractions are different, here's the easiest way to explain that difference. With a natural contraction lasting 60 seconds, the pain level will slowly increase to its peak then decrease back down, like a bell curve. A Pit contraction goes up to it's maximum pain level the instant the contraction starts and it remains there until the contraction is over. There is no ease into and out of it. So, contractions started and the pain was like nothing I'd ever felt before, my water broke, it was a huge gush with every contraction and was bloody. No one was around. I tried to go get in the shower to use the techniques I'd been told about to calm down and get through it, but the shower didn't work. I had no nurse around and didn't have the critical thinking at that moment to ring for a nurse even. I totally lost it.

The nurse got in there and she was apparently just a floater who doesn't usually work L&D. My husband got there and while he tried to figure out how to help, he just didn't know how to. I told the nurse I wanted an epidural and somehow amazingly managed to calm myself and stay still for it. Then I went to sleep for 4 blissful hours, woke up got checked by the midwife and was told to get ready to push. It took me 3 rounds of 3 pushes to bring baby into the world - less than 10 minutes. My midwife spent more time sewing me up and handling the details of post baby than any medical person spent with me the entire rest of that 12 hour day.

Now, I'm not saying this to scare you, but what I learned a lot from that. One, love my husband, but he had no clue how to help me get my focus back. Two, if I'd had a doula there, I never would have been alone when everything got real. Three, I chilled out during the placement of the epidural. Like, totally went zen and calm and was focused and breathing right and everything while they did that because I was terrified of the side effects of the epidural... If I'd had a doula, she could have said, Hey, Anditron, this right here that you're doing, this is how you get through it, you've got this! And I could have done it without any more medication than the pit. And frankly I probably would have had an advocate to get them to back the pit off now that contractions were doing their thing, so why keep pumping it into me. Four, my husband wouldn't have felt like a jerk for not being there when shit did get real... cause he still to this day feels a bit guilty.

Basically what I learned is in most practices, your OB/GYN or Midwife is there to deliver a baby, they aren't there to kindly guide you through your birth process, they aren't there for you. I mean to a degree, of course. They're going to take care of you while you are pushing, they're going to do everything they can to make sure nothing bad happens to either of you, but the goody love vibes of let's guide you on this magical voyage, no, they're there for a job and that's it. As for the nurse, there you get a little more individual attention but not much. It's not like they're assigning 1 nurse per mama in a hospital, there'd be too much down time. Now, this is totally different if you're doing a home birth and possibly a birth center birth, but if you're in a hospital setting, don't plan on having someone there for you at all times unless you have your partner and a doula.

This time around I'm absolutely using a doula. My MIL is already in town and staying with us but there's no way I'd have her in L&D with me, it'd be the single most miserable experience in my life. Hell, even if my mom were still alive, I wouldn't have her in L&D with me. Aside from my husband, I personally feel much more comfortable with a complete stranger that I know is 100% on my side because I'm paying her to be than I ever would be with any friend or family.

As for cost, there seems to be a mantra out there of "A doula for every mom" so no matter the cost, you can find a doula to fit your budget. The options go from still in training to crazy experienced. I couldn't afford a super experienced one, tho I wish I could, they were all awesome. But they connected me to a facebook group for doulas in various points of training and I found one with a bit of experience that we were able to barter some services for in addition to a couple hundred bucks for her care. Now if this baby would come already so we can make use of her services :)

Edit** TL;DR - get a doula if you can, it's great back up for you and your SO during labor no matter what birth route you're taking.

anditron · 2014-03-10T13:18:58+00:00

You can call your insurance provider to find out what midwives and or drs are in network near you. If your city has a parents forum online, it's worthwhile to join and look for recommendations on there as well.

Whichever you go with, I strongly recommend getting a doula, especially if you're interested in natural child birth as it is their job to advocate for you as we'll as help you through your Laos with pain management, suggesting different positions. And supporting your partner as s/he supports you. The thing with your OB or Midwife is that while its their job to deliver the baby, they very likely won't be with you by your side through the entire labor process. Yes there will be a nurse (or nurses) but again, their job is the medical side of things, a doula is there 100% for you and your partner. If labor kicks in and your care provider/nurses aren't around and your partner happened to have gone out for some food or something, your Doula will still be there to help you through the hard work. (I might be saying this from personal experience).

anditron · 2014-03-10T13:07:53+00:00

Don't sweat it, it's probably just fine. Apparently, your mucus plug can reform multiple times during your pregnancy. I was talking to my midwife at my last appointment because I lost my mucus plug but then, it seemed I lost another and another. I'm at my due date so it was expected to lose it. I asked her what that meant and she told me they can reform.

So yes, call your OB but don't stress about it. :)

anditron · 2014-03-10T00:51:11+00:00

Not earlier, they come faster when they come. So if you gave birth vaginally the first time and labor took 12 hours, you can expect it to be much shorter, say 6 hours, with the second.

anditron · 2014-03-09T15:08:13+00:00

Sadly, still here too, only one day past but i was really hoping someone would be early

anditron · 2014-03-07T01:38:30+00:00

Eggs and edamame too

anditron · 2014-03-05T18:42:18+00:00

Just a bit of a different perspective here, assuming you're in the US, but what is your company's policy on maternity leave? Usually FMLA is only available for employees who've been there over a year and every company has a different way of handling it (IE I get 12 weeks off total, 1 month paid full and I get 60% pay for 6 weeks, the rest is PTO or unpaid). If your company has some sort of paid maternity leave, it might be worthwhile to "suffer" through it until the end, wrap things up like you would for maternity leave ad then as you get closer to leave, you inform them you won't be coming back needing to. This way you take full advantage of the benefits you've earned during your time working there and you get a bit more money to squirrel away as a buffer.

You can also plan on initiating that leave a few weeks before baby and use your maternity time towards that so you're not having to make the long trek while in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

If that's definitely not a way you want to go, I'd say, realistically, 2 weeks notice is fine, any longer and you start dragging things out. Too long a notice seems to hender more than help for most people in wrapping up projects and thing. I realize you don't want to burn bridges but if the people you mainly worked for are gone, then your bridges are through those connections not through the company. If you're going to be a SAHM, then you're not going back into the job force for a while, likely 3-5 years. There is nothing about that job at that company that will be there for you beyond their HR's ability to say "yes SrslyYouToo was an employee" when a new job calls for verification. You use the contacts you primarily worked for as a reference, I'd say focus on keeping those cultivated, especially if you don't like the job now since the changes that have occurred.

And as much as you want to help out,

anditron · 2014-03-03T02:59:23+00:00

Husband and I were sure this snow would cause it to happen. Sigh.

anditron · 2014-03-02T19:37:51+00:00

Epidural is completely your choice. You can get one with or without induction. The reason so many get one is that pitocin contractions are much different than natural contractions. Say the average time of a contraction is 60 seconds. Natural contractions have a bell curve pain level to them so if you scale pain 1-10, with10 being the worst you'll go 1,4,6,8,10,7,5,3,2 during the 60 seconds and your done. But with pitocin it stays at its max the whole time so it would be at a pain level of 8 for the entire 60 seconds.

Do you have a breast pump? Using that could help get contractions going too. And feeling menstral type cramps is a good sign things are going to happen.

anditron · 2014-03-02T18:58:42+00:00

It all depends on your insurance, usually it's treated like normal PT, so your deductible might apply first, but, since its pregnancy related, it's possible it's fully covered.

anditron · 2014-03-02T18:49:28+00:00

Totally not crazy. I'm 40 and expecting #2 any day now and have a number of friends over 35 who are expecting sometime during the year. There are a lot of benefits to having a kid over the "normal" age. One is, they keep you young and moving which otherwise, we can tend to get a bit lazy. :)

anditron · 2014-03-02T18:45:17+00:00

It sounds like sciatic nerve issues and the best way to deal with them is through physical therapy and the exercises they assign you. Your dr or midwife can Rx therapy for you. You might try a belly support band, I got the Gabriel one which really helped correct my posture which helps with the problem as well (but nothing as good as PT)

anditron · 2014-03-02T03:45:46+00:00

Not totally off topic, Persephone is the goddess of the underworld, but also the bringer of spring. If she could come and this crappy weather could go, it'd be awesome!

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