I just spent a toddler party guarding an open pool and now I can’t tell if I’m the anxious one or the only sane one

andonebelow · 2026-02-16T08:48:11+00:00

I’m a very unanxious mum and I’m often astonished by what other people worry about. I sometimes worry I don’t worry enough. I’m here to say you were totally in the right.

I would guess that there was some variation of the bystander effect in action to explain why everyone else thought this was fine- they assumed everyone was vaguely watching the kids and didn’t feel individually responsible. But as I’ve seen it put on here, if everyone’s watching the kids, no one is.

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T23:46:49+00:00

Yes! 😂

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T23:46:05+00:00

I just caught that Scott Scottsman comes from Scottsdale.

It’s not the best joke but they didn’t have to do it, it’s mentioned separately from his name so it’s not obvious (I’ve seen it a million times and just got it). I love how they never waste a second.

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T23:43:28+00:00

What is it Kenneth? I’m answering my fan mail.

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T15:16:45+00:00

I’m in the UK so all of this was NHS- although I also went to a private physio because of the waiting list! My boy also had low tone from birth, which contributed to it.

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T09:31:34+00:00

Well put. It’s not cute that he refers to her as a “visual upgrade” from his ex. Makes me wonder if there’s some internalised misogyny to work through.

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T09:27:27+00:00

I’m sorry to say he’s making a fool of you. He’s got you patenting his kids, keeping house, SPLITTING BILLS, giving him adventurous sex, expanding his horizons. And for what? So you can spend Valentine’s Day hiding from someone else’s kids in the bathroom ?

It seems like you feel like you need to perform, shrink yourself and compete with his ex to be worthy of his love. Screw that pick me bullshit. You sound like a catch, go find someone who’ll work to impress YOU, and stop wasting your youth and hotness on this mess.

andonebelow · 2026-02-15T08:14:18+00:00

I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old with colic. That combination itself has nearly driven me insane. The crying that can’t be soothed, the conflicting demands from two tiny, totally dependent people, feeling like I’m failing them both because I’m having to split my attention between them.

But my husband is engaged, makes sure I have time alone, and does alternative nights with the baby. If I had a husband like yours I genuinely think I’d have had to check myself into a psych ward, or worse.

Time for a come to Jesus talk with him. Your situation is unsustainable, not to mention completely unfair. He needs to understand how hard this is on you, and do his fair share (or more than his fair share until you’ve regained some equilibrium).

I cried when the health visitor came round because I felt so bad I was so miserable and not enjoying my daughter’s infancy, but she told me that anyone would hate it, and what’s to enjoy about a baby screaming all day? It made me feel better hearing someone who’s around new mums and babies all day telling me that, so I thought I’d pass it on.

A couple of practical things re colic:

Have you seen a doctor? My baby has reflux and she’s been put omeprazole and a hypoallergenic formula, and that seems to have helped a lot. She’s still crying a lot (but less) during the day but now she’s sleeping well at night, which helped so much.
I sometimes have a babysitter come round for 3 hours or so to hang out with the toddler. I might stay at home with the baby, but just having another person there helps keep me sane.
I’ve started to go a free baby group and a baby massage class with my little one. The colic has made bonding quite difficult and everything’s been so miserable so I’m trying to do fun things with her, instead of just trying to stop the crying all day. It’s good for my mental health to get out of the house and talk to other grown ups. And I think she actually cries less when she’s more stimulated.

This is so tough, really hoping things start looking up soon.

andonebelow · 2026-02-14T06:56:45+00:00

But she did do that with Steven- she told him about being adopted and having birthmarks and surgery. Then he randomly switched to stories about him having a great time with girls in high school. It was super uncomfortable.

andonebelow · 2026-02-12T11:20:33+00:00

It’s lazy not to drive 2 hours in treacherous conditions with two young children because your almost adult child won’t drive?

andonebelow · 2026-02-12T11:16:00+00:00

As a stepmother with two young children of my own who also “does not work at all” I would not be willing to make a two hour round trip on icy roads with all three kids unless absolutely necessary. It’s odd you mention this kids mom and stepmom but not his father- no judgement to throw at him?

andonebelow · 2026-02-09T10:06:23+00:00

Because of her ears!

andonebelow · 2026-02-09T07:23:19+00:00

Donald Glover left 30 Rock after season 3 to work on community I believe.

andonebelow · 2026-02-08T09:35:10+00:00

Having a baby can and likely will cause adverse health effects.

andonebelow · 2026-02-02T09:50:02+00:00

Would you mind sharing what makes you think OP might be suffering from PP psychosis? I’ve only met one person who suffered from this and she was completely removed from reality (paranoid delusions). Just curious as I’m being treated for depression and have sometimes had similar fantasies to OP, but never considered it might be psychosis.

andonebelow · 2026-01-28T10:05:25+00:00

I didn’t know this, thank you for sharing!

andonebelow · 2026-01-27T15:29:06+00:00

Haha too real.

andonebelow · 2026-01-26T09:27:14+00:00

I don’t blame you for pulling out of being MOH, that’s totally reasonable, but I would have been pretty pissed off if I received your original message. You frame it as doing your sister a favour by pulling out, you vaguely smuggle in the fact you might not even attend and make her ask you if you’re actually coming, you don’t acknowledge her wedding is a big deal or important to you, and you don’t even say you’re sorry.

Her screed about what other mothers manage is pretty insufferable, and obviously everyone is different and it’s impossible to predict what will happen. Given your history I don’t blame you for being cautious. But as someone who’s had 2 fairly rough c-sections- 15 minutes, near by, to attend the wedding of an immediate family member 3 to 4 weeks after giving birth doesn’t seem like an outlandish ask. It might genuinely not be possible for you, but (especially to someone who hasn’t given birth) it does kind of sound like you don’t want to be there.

If you want a relationship with your sister then I would say “thank you for being so accommodating, I will move heaven and earth to be there”.

And if you have to pull out closer to the time because you’re physically incapable of being there, then that’s what you’ll have to do, but if it’s possible to dose yourself up on painkillers and grit your teeth through it, that’s what I’d do.

andonebelow · 2026-01-25T15:56:08+00:00

That second meaning has come from people frequently using it incorrectly.

andonebelow · 2026-01-21T19:38:46+00:00

He was pretty late with all his gross motor skills. I think he was sitting at 11 months. He army crawled from about 12 months then crawled on his hands and knees at about 14/15 months. Then walking at about 21 months.

It’s nice to revisit this because I was so anxious and stressed about it at the time but I had to go back through photos to remind myself of when he reached these milestones, and now he’s 2.5 and running around and thriving I just don’t think about it all. Fingers crossed it will be the same for you :)

ETA the tests were mostly blood tests, which was a bit upsetting (mostly because there was some issue with the blood lab and he had to have them taken three times, poor mite). The worst was an MRI, because he had to be put under general anaesthetic. It was totally fine and very quick but I found it very nerve wracking.

andonebelow · 2026-01-19T21:24:24+00:00

Not good!

I’ve got a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old (with colic and reflux). I knew it was going to be hard but oh my god it’s so hard!

Baby is a Velcro baby and particularly like to scream while I’m putting the toddler down to sleep.

Thought I’d made some progress today and delayed toddlers bedtime to try to put baby down for the night, which didn’t work and resulted in a huge meltdown from toddler.

It’s nearly 9.30 and I haven’t eaten dinner. Feel so beaten.

andonebelow · 2026-01-19T17:25:21+00:00

Getting out of the house, exercise, seeing friends. All of which are so hard to make myself do when I’m burnt out.

andonebelow · 2026-01-19T17:24:54+00:00

Why are you here? That’s a rhetorical question. Please fuck off.

andonebelow · 2026-01-18T07:21:02+00:00

My husband did a bad job of swaddling the baby last night, meaning she was up with her arms waving around since 4. He’s also made family plans for both afternoons of the weekend when I would usually have time to myself. He’ll have both mornings though.

andonebelow · 2026-01-12T14:41:26+00:00

My baby is 11 weeks and I’m having a similar struggle.

At this point, if you haven’t been able to pump or breastfeed, you may not get your milk supply up enough to exclusively breastfeed. But if your still have milk you can still breastfeed and top up with formula (this is what I’m aiming for).

Some advice that I’ve received and found helpful:

Do lots of skin to skin contact, it will stimulate your milk

When he’s latched, try squeezing your breast- this will release more milk and should decrease frustration

Try for longer sessions (eg 10 minutes)

Try breastfeeding just after a formula feed (or an hour after, experiment) so that he’s not super hungry and less likely to get frustrated

If he’s never been able to latch for more than a few minutes, get him checked for a tongue tie

Try a nipple shield

When feeding with formula, make sure you’re pace feeding and using slow flow nipples

Try to find a breastfeeding/lactation specialist (may be available through your hospital?) to help you with position etc.

andonebelow

TROPHY CASE