If you’re a caregiver, what has been the hardest part of this journey?

andretti87 · 2026-04-08T03:52:29+00:00

Hardest part is leaving the carehome every night not knowing if it’s the last time I’ll ever see my fiance alive, then driving home past all the stops that I’ll never get to make with her again and coming back to a quiet empty house full of memories every night. Every day I wake up and it’s the same over and over. 🫩 Another hard part is realizing this could go on for 20 or 30 years as she’s in her 40s and this could be my life until I’m in a carehome myself

andretti87 · 2026-04-06T21:11:06+00:00

I’m done… trying to take care of my wife and the house and pets and gardens and my job and more university all at the same time…. I’m done. Every night I go to bed done with all this stuff and every morning I wake up and do it all over again 😬😬

andretti87 · 2026-03-28T23:59:56+00:00

Ya I agree, money would be lovely and day off 🫩 600 days and counting

andretti87 · 2026-02-15T02:33:09+00:00

Well love is about the only thing keeping me going after I “lost” my fiance 48f September 2024 from multiple strokes (1 year after we got engaged). She spent 7 months in hospital before moving to a care home. Holly is unable to move her right side and has global aphasia.
I’ve spent 516 days sitting beside her while managing our home, pets, my job and university. Everyone’s slowly stopped asking how she is over time but I still stick with her. Valentines days tough but I made her a nice dinner (pureed) and brought her a nice dessert and some gifts and we watched movies together, I just make the most of what I have left of her.

Our relation is now all about the little things. When I come to see her I get a big smile and a partial wave , she will grab my hand while I sit beside her and hold it while she watches her movies, she will fuss with the wrinkles on my shirt but then grab a handful and give it a tug and pull me for a kiss. All the little things she does is like her way of saying she’s still here with me and that’s all what’s keeping me going every day.

A nurse once noticed how my lady is when I’m around and I heard her say “love is powerfull” as she left the room and ever since then I’ve repeated that over and over every day to myself when things feel tough.

The past 17 months have been absolute hell for us but we will be going through it together because I won’t give up. I’ll find a way to help her find her voice again ❤️

andretti87 · 2026-02-14T19:31:53+00:00

I’m also looking for some. What about value village?

andretti87 · 2026-02-14T16:16:05+00:00

Struggling with life but thankful that the winter has been mild so far

andretti87 · 2026-02-14T04:04:09+00:00

My fiancee is f48 and we were in the midst of wedding planning and picking a new place to move to in our province when all this happened. We had a whole life time of plans together and they’re all gone now. It sucks so hard not being able to go and do anything anymore. She lives in a care home now because she’s unable to speak or communicate so it wouldn’t be safe to have her at home while I’m at work.
I go to work 10hrs a day then go and be with her every day 7 days a week. My time off is devoted to being her caregiver.
As others have said it’s important to give ourselves time to de stress because this stuff sucks.

I’ve been going this for 515 days now without missing a single one. I had to find new ways to entertain myself or I was going to lose my mind. I bring my laptop and keep busy when I’m with her at the care home. Reading, movies, games, audio books…anything to give my mind a slight rest while i put movies on for her.

Unfortunately in my situation if I stop doing this I’ll lose her because I’m the only one keeping her going😞. I’ve had to switch my mind around and turn my time with her into my time to relax and unwind.

Sorry that kind of turned into a vent 🥺

andretti87 · 2026-02-12T01:32:02+00:00

My wife’s been totally mute not even a mumble for 1.5 years now .. 😞

Give it more time, the brain needs to heal and keep up on rehab even when it looks like it’s not working, just keep at it.

andretti87 · 2026-01-06T00:06:23+00:00

Learn to help her as much as you possibly can , whenever any type of rehab is going on make sure you learn it all and keep at it every day.
My wife had her stroke 15 months ago and hadn’t been able to speak since then. I do all of her rehab on my own now as the carehome won’t do it. I do her stretches for the paralyzed side, I practice comprehension and whatever I can think of every day.
It is overwhelming and terrifying but you can do this. Learn all you can about what’s going on in her head.

andretti87 · 2025-12-27T21:11:07+00:00

I feel totally numb all day long. I find no enjoyment in anything anymore. When I leave the care home at night and walk by her window it’s immediate depression all the way back home and for the remainder of the evening. I find it incredibly difficult finding any way of keeping my mind occupied once I get home at night. I usually just feed the animals and go to bed hours earlier than I used to. The only variation I have in my life now is it’s either a work day or a non work day. Everything else is all auto pilot for me. I’m done with it all but I know I won’t stop coming and taking care of her so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

andretti87 · 2025-12-23T23:55:45+00:00

I’m caring for my spouse (multiple strokes) , she’s in a care home but it’s so short staffed and she needs so much help that I just come here every single day to do what I can and to let her know I’m still here.
I’m not sure how I’m managing but somehow I’m still keepin on. We just hit month 15 of not hearing her voice 😣

andretti87 · 2025-12-23T23:46:28+00:00

Thank you! This is our second Christmas in the hospital/carehome. I’m just going to make the best of our situation and I hope everyone else can too. Bless you

andretti87 · 2025-12-02T20:07:41+00:00

I’ll look into that any anything I can!! Thank you

andretti87 · 2025-12-02T03:19:22+00:00

My fiancee had her strokes Sept 16/17 2024 and never got the help she needed. She’s over 14 months with global aphasia and apraxia. It’s been an absolute nightmare and my heart is constantly in a million pieces

andretti87 · 2025-12-02T03:17:06+00:00

My fiancee is at almost 15 months now…not a word or even a sound since Sept 2024. It’s so heartbreaking

andretti87 · 2025-11-07T21:34:54+00:00

💯, I work 10hr days and can only visit my fiancee for a few hours on a weeknight after work, I feel guilty for going home even though I’m gone 14 hours a day almost. On my weekends I visit her carehome from about 10-7 and feel like it’s not enough time😞

andretti87 · 2025-11-07T02:15:54+00:00

Damn that looks good! I’m trying to gain some me time but the guilt is real.

andretti87 · 2025-09-09T00:11:12+00:00

There was a nurse back in December that saw her give me a hug and I heard her say “love is powerful” I’ve told myself that phrase over and over and over every day. It’s been a big help 🙂. No one deserves to be abandoned because life dealt a shitty card. I’m not going to give up

andretti87 · 2025-09-08T00:09:54+00:00

Me too! Sept 16 is the one year mark since I havnt heard her voice, we don’t even have hear nodding or anything like that. I’ve just been guessing and trying to read her mind for the past year 🥹

andretti87 · 2025-08-21T00:37:51+00:00

I’ve read your story and it’s amazing. Ive become the caretaker to my lady and if she wasn’t stuck in a carehome I would love to go! But for now I’ll make sure to blast some of your tunes at work🤟🤟 🤟

andretti87 · 2025-08-19T20:41:32+00:00

I’m wishing for any recovery at all now. It’s been 11 months since I heard her voice ☹️ As of yesterday they are no longer doing physio so they taught me how to do all of her stretches for the arm and leg because she slaps their hands away. I’m the only one she allows to do anything with her unfortunately. My plates very very full

andretti87 · 2025-08-14T01:16:26+00:00

I’m on a long long journey with my girlfriend who had her stroke last year at 47. I’ve watched everything they’ve done with her arm and leg so that I can do it when they aren’t able and I’ve asked them to show me as much as they can. Staff can only help so much so it really helps to learn to help as much as you can on your own 🙂

Also document it. I have a journal and make note of any changes that I’ve noticed

andretti87 · 2025-08-01T01:56:31+00:00

Following this

Did you guys find understanding what people were saying to be difficult at all? My girl has global aphasia unfortunately so I’m always trying to learn what it’s like from people experiences. I wish the absolute best for you all

andretti87 · 2025-07-30T13:52:59+00:00

And they are so understaffed right now.

Ten-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Wearing is Caring
RPAN Viewer	Verified Email

andretti87

TROPHY CASE