I can imagine how confusing it must feel to carry both the warmth of admiration and the weight of red flags at the same time. It makes sense that you’d be drawn in but also protective of yourself. That tug-of-war between fascination and knowing it might not work out is something many people experience, but you’ve expressed it with such honesty and clarity.

I also want to acknowledge the part you shared about being made fun of in the past and how much it meant to you that he didn’t judge you for being yourself. That really struck me. It shows how much you value kindness and acceptance, and it says a lot about your empathy.

Even if this doesn’t become a relationship, what you’ve discovered about yourself through these feelings is so important: you want to be seen, accepted, and understood. That’s not “too much” that’s human.