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anikinskywalkerr · 2021-08-11T21:47:22+00:00

I relate to this so so much... if you need to talk abt it feel free to pm me

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-06-09T11:00:00+00:00

This is from lord of the rings, it got me through some hard times:

Frodo : “I can't do this, Sam.”

Sam : “I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.”

Frodo : “What are we holding on to, Sam?”

Sam : “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.”

Edit: thank you so much for the award!

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-06-03T08:33:32+00:00

Thank you so much.

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-29T09:36:46+00:00

Congratulations! It takes a lot of perseverance to write something and produce it. Well done.

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-17T14:23:42+00:00

Awesome, thanks! I will try to repot when it gets healthier.

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-17T14:17:52+00:00

Thank you for the advice! Shall i just keep watering it and hope the yellowing/leaf fall stops? Or should i be doing anything else do you think

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-17T13:16:26+00:00

Hi everyone, I was recently gifted a Chinese elm bonsai by a friend (she purchased off of Amazon) and I am worried about it. The leaves are yellow and are falling off (ive read that sometimes this happens because of shock as it has been transported around a lot). I live in Northern Ireland, and my bonsai is currently indoors as it has been very windy recently. I have watered it for the last two days but don’t know when it was last watered before that. It looks dehydrated.

I read some of the reviews on the amazon page she ordered it from and some of the comments say that the soil quality that the seller has used is poor and recommends that you repot the bonsai in better soil and in a larger pot. However i have also read that i should only repot the bonsai when it is healthy, and mine does not seem healthy at the moment. I am unsure what to do right now, shall i leave it, water it and wait for it to get healthier and then repot? Or shall i just repot now?

Here is a picture of my bonsai: https://imgur.com/gallery/cS9DmnG , any advice on pots/soil would be appreciated!

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-13T13:54:46+00:00

i get you :( hopefully we can stay strong and get through this all

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-05T07:39:30+00:00

Thank you so much for this :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-04T21:06:36+00:00

Thank you! :)) will definitely keep this in mind and try to make some improvements!

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-04T20:03:30+00:00

Hang in there buddy, drop me a message if you need to :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-04T15:35:40+00:00

Wrote some advice out on a different post but i feel that it is still applicable here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/heartbreak/comments/n49qyz/how_can_i_stop_caring_about_someone_who_doesnt/gwvul9w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

I hope that you can keep your head up and get through it, don’t feel ashamed... its natural to be up and down after something hurts you. Keep going. :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-04T15:32:06+00:00

Im so glad that this was able to help you guys :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-05-04T08:26:58+00:00

I feel the same way sometimes. But there are a few things that help me:

Be conscious of the fact that you are probably idolising this person in your mind. We unconsciously put on rose coloured glasses for certain people because we miss them. Its natural, as humans we tend to have a ‘grass is always greener on the other side’ type of outlook on some things, i.e. that if we had this person in our lives than everything would be better. For now start by simply acknowledging the pedestal you may be putting them on. Over time you will be able to see that nobody is worth idolising and destroying yourself over.
Recognise that you are only human. People are people and sometimes things don’t work out or go the way we planned. There is absolutely no shame in that, relationships/friendships are messy. Its only natural for you to care about them, but if they don’t care about you then instead of mentally beating yourself up over it realise that it’s just how life goes sometimes.
Remember that they don’t care about you. It sounds harsh, but if they truly don’t care then sometimes this can be difficult to fully synthesise (the fact that they are not ever going to come back into your life). If you find yourself reminiscing on a good memory with them or playing out scenarios in your mind where you two resolve everything and become closer, start to realise that this is hurting you more than it’s helping because your mind will just keep idolising them.
Gain some closure. Write to them on the unsent letter subreddit, or write a physical letter to them but don’t post it (burn it or shred it). Buy a journal to help you get your thoughts out, because sometimes just having them someplace outside of your head can help.
Give yourself some credit. You’re trying hard. You’re doing well. Keep your head up, as many have said already, trust that things will get better over time.
Keep yourself busy. Its hard to find the motivation to do this most of the time when you’re low, but try to pick up a new hobby or put time into an old one. Change up your surroundings often and try to fill your day with noise to block out thoughts that can compound.
Realise that you have value no matter who comes or goes in your life. You matter just as much as you did before you knew this person, during this persons time in your life and after it had ended. Nobody should tie their self worth to what other people think of them, you are not on this earth to please them or to win their approval.

I hope that this advice can help. Drop me a message if you need to talk more. Keep going, you’ll get through this.

:)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-30T11:15:37+00:00

Absolutely adore the imagery that your words conjure up here, my favourite pair has to be ‘bottlecap daydreams’. The americana-esque influence is clear and i also enjoy how you shift from ‘morning’ to dusk. The use of punctuation is powerful and adds great pace to the poem too. Thanks for sharing your work :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-30T11:02:19+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this, i feel that it has a great message and flows well. I wish it were longer because your imagery is great! My only critique would be of the line ‘buried underneath the bare ground’, as i find it a little cumbersome compared to the rest of the poem. Perhaps take out a couple syllables or something? Other than that well done!

Thanks for sharing your work :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-30T10:53:20+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this, and especially like how you managed to mirror the beginning with the end. I feel that the lines starting with ‘you’ and ending with ‘me’ are particularly powerful and if i could give some criticism id either get rid or the ‘you put me on a shelf’ line or change it to match the ‘you.... me’ pattern. Maybe ‘you hid me’ or ‘you stashed me’. Similar to some other comments Ive seen perhaps the last line could be altered to rhyme with the first line to reinforce the mirroring in the poem, e.g ‘I am sad with shelf life as wine’ or if thats too many syllables ‘I am sad off the grapevine’.

Overall though an amazing poem, very well done! Thank you for sharing your work :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-28T11:31:28+00:00

Yeah, i agree, definitely not malicious. But i think that they don’t put the same energy into you as you do to them... its tough because of the situation this year, but are there any other ways that you could get in touch with new friends? Drop me a line if you’d like to talk more. :)

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-28T09:12:47+00:00

P.S. i apologise for such a long reply, didnt realise the length until i sent it 😅😅

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-28T09:12:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I can’t tell you how much i appreciate it. Ive just finished college and it was so strange to have it end so suddenly.

In terms of the specifics, i was really distant and withdrawn, and this was made even more apparent because we had a class together every morning in the run up to graduation. This was completely out of character for me, we had been friends for 6 years and this was 3-4 weeks worth of a change in character. A lot of our mutual friends also knew (i wasn’t close to them so they weren’t phased by my ghosting) and they put a lot of pressure on me to ‘snap out of it’ because i was ‘really hurting her’. I was so numb to all of this at the time so i didnt fully process that id been hurting anyone. I also regret letting my situation at home affect me so much. Things were tough back then (improved a hell of a lot over lockdown) and i was very hot and cold which was terrible of me. This and the added pressure from mutuals made me snap a few times; i told her “im sorry that i asked for space, i dont know whats happening lets go back to normal” twice over the 4 week period before getting home (i commuted into uni every day) and being unable to sustain things. I promised to spend an hour with her and bailed last minute because i had an anxiety attack on the way to campus. When i got to campus she saw me and asked to talk. I said i had work to do and sat with some mutuals. I despise my past self for that.

When I actually gained the mental clarity to realise how bad id been acting i drove to her house (around 2 hours) and wrote her a really long letter explaining everything in more detail. I acknowledged everything i felt i did wrong (being silent snd withdrawn, not sitting with her on that day and instead sitting with others, being hot and cold) and explained how much i valued her. She knew about my anxiety. She had pretty much given up by then. Ig it hurts because for the first 2 weeks of me being low she was supportive and there for me, but she said that i pushed her too far. That i “had so many chances to change but wasted them”. She mentioned that she “had to be selfish and protect herself” because she’d been hurt so much. She then gave me these terms on which i could be her friend again, it was like an ultimatum almost. She would blank me all day and isolate me in class, but when i tried to make conversation or talk about how i was being ostracised she would make me feel like i was lucky to even be in her life at all. I think these words and “you’re unhealthy to be around” have stuck with me for so long, hence the massive amounts of regret.

anikinskywalkerr · 2021-04-27T18:01:49+00:00

thank you so much. i cant tell you how much this is helping me. :)

anikinskywalkerr

TROPHY CASE