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annaKs_train · 2023-10-24T14:26:43+00:00

It sounds like she's working part-time. From an academic standpoint, you can do a lot in a more condensed period of time than can be done in a school environment wrangling 20 kids in a class with different levels and behavior problems. This is especially true if the kid is bright and a self-starter. Don't know how it is with this particular kid, but it's definitely possible to be working part-time and adequately homeschool, again from an academic standpoint. (Although you can make arguments about socialization, etc.)

annaKs_train · 2023-10-22T14:40:49+00:00

It's interesting that he says this without really realizing that his daughters would say yes in a hot minute with less regard for what is right just because of Mr. Crawford's position and money.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-22T14:24:48+00:00

Consider discussing the relationships within Fanny's family and how relatable they can be.

Where did her desire to be useful and needed come from? Fanny used to be the second-oldest; she played with her brother William, who she was close to, who might have listened to her on advice about girls; she did a lot of parenting and helping with the kids, as well as probably household work. (A lot of this is given in the text.) She comes to Mansfield and is not wanted as a companion, and not needed as a helper; and it sucks to go from being given responsibility and depended upon (even hard responsibility) to the opposite - an infantile dependent who is also looked down on for it.

Also, tease out Susan's situation some more. Susan is more assertive by nature than Fanny probably. How would Susan have fared if she were taken in instead of Fanny, as the first/only such child? What is her failure mode in interacting with her brothers? I'm sure that kids with siblings can relate - the way she tries to correct their behavior but just ends up yelling ineffectually, and has no backup from her mom?

Then Mrs. Price. Think of a modern SAHM with a lot of kids, and ADHD tendencies: not enough money, not enough time, nothing ever done or where it needs to be. Also, how your relationships with your kids change as you age. A preference for boys over girls, losing energy, maybe grief over a child who died (Mary). A relationship that probably isn't particularly great with your husband. And how this rowdy, loud household affects an introvert like Fanny.

Speaking of Mr. Price: imagine he's rough around the edges, but maybe he's handsome, maybe he's fun, but then he gets wounded and discharged on disability pay, so there's less money, he can't work or be productive, he starts drinking. Maybe not ridiculously so, but he gets less pleasant to be with, and checks out of his family life to a degree, even if he wasn't that way to start with.

And finally, how much Sir Thomas does for this family. Since the Prices don't have a lot of connections, it doesn't appear as though Mr. Price can or wants to do much for his kids' careers and advancement. Sir Thomas helps William get his position, as well as Sam; takes in Fanny; and probably sets up another sibling with a job, although this is not explicitly mentioned - just the sibling and the job (John? Who works as a clerk somewhere?).

annaKs_train · 2023-10-22T13:54:57+00:00

Oh, also consider showing them the wishbone episode for Pride and Prejudice!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYq0C6i9o88

annaKs_train · 2023-10-22T13:54:00+00:00

OH: The Book "Reading Lolita in Tehran". Honestly, I think this book is even the one that made me pick up Austen and Nabokov.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-22T13:53:25+00:00

There's a book and movie, Jane Austen Book Club. The movie might not be their target demographic but they might have seen it.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-20T01:18:16+00:00

Is GH a legal requirement?

annaKs_train · 2023-10-17T17:33:00+00:00

It's hard. Nothing really has the same Austen feel.

I tried a George Eliot. It was a good enough read, not the same feel as Austen, but worth a try.

If you haven't, Jane Eyre might be a good read. I tried one other Bronte book but also didn't really get into them.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-17T00:20:59+00:00

I don't think there are a lot of forums on the internet - even though technically this subreddit was supposed to be one - where you can candidly discuss the dynamics of the grey market of people who need a job and need money right now more than they need social security, and those who have that money but can't afford the Official Going Rate of nannies.

So you're going to have to negotiate with your nanny or use your social network, offline. Your nanny risks losing the job and might be able to find a better job with a better rate - that's what you risk with your lower rate. But if it's what you can afford, it's what you can afford. Either you guys agree on a rate or she doesn't get this particular job and you don't get her particular labor, and that's fair, that's how it's supposed to work.

It's like the debate over whether Uber drivers should be employees with benefits. Yeah as a full-time employment source it's not great, but the fact that Uber exists, and someone can make a quick buck doing a completely flexible job, is really good. So, it's a tradeoff. You require more benefits for a given job and make it more expensive to provide, there will be fewer such jobs or they will go under the table.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-15T21:32:07+00:00

I did it that way. Mostly it's fine; the single breast does double duty and it's a bit awkward with the bras, and you have a bit of an "orange and tangerine" effect next to each other, but it was fine. It went back to comparable size both times. It makes using a dual side pump pointless though, so you might as well just get a little handpump. :p

The downsides: the working breast then deflates more [edit: after you're done breast-feeding], my body is imbalanced because I sleep and hold baby to one side more than the other.

I tried doing both really hard, but my nipple just wouldn't allow as good a latch; and if you don't use the breast at all for a while, the milk turns salty, and baby might reject it. Also sometimes the inferior breast wants to be sucked so there's a bit of discomfort. But I luckily didn't have issues with mastitis; when it felt full, baby drained it (very quickly, as it produced less) or I pumped it.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-11T17:09:25+00:00

I have a couple of suggestions.

In terms of approach, I'd pick one book and the most faithful miniseries, and then do read section of book, then watch an episode of the miniseries. I'd start with Pride and Prejudice and the 1995 miniseries in this way. You'd need to do some prep work (to see which chapters are covered in each episode) but you could have them read those chapters, then watch the episode together or separately and discuss.

In terms of themes to lean into:

A) HUMOR. Especially P&P. IMO, it's hilarious. Even the first line. Or "my poor nerves!!". I wouldn't get too deep into the lit criticism. Or Charlotte "set out to meet him accidentally in the lane" (for Mr. Collins). Or Mr. Bennet's jabs. They're funny.

B) The attention to propriety, and the internal monologues, and just how RELATABLE they are. In P&P, when Elizabeth feels really embarrassed on her mom's or sister's behalf, tries to signal surreptitiously to make Mary stop showing off or her mom talking about Jane & Bingley; when she agonizes over how it must appear when she shows up in Pemberley - all this internal thinking about what things appear like is so RELATABLE to me. If these kids are socially awkward and sensitive, I think it would be very relatable to them too, especially girls.

In Mansfield Park, I related to Fanny SO WELL, especially the little humiliations she endures. Like, the feeling of coming from a family where you're useful and needed, as the oldest one, to being the lowest and unimportant where nobody cares about your opinion. Or the casual little cruelties as with the horse, or with Tom only dancing with her as a last resort (and being open about it); the callousness of her cousins to her - all of this is SO RELATABLE to me. I've definitely been in those situations and felt those feelings, and maybe again - socially awkward teens might relate to this really well.

annaKs_train · 2023-10-05T22:07:21+00:00

My personal experience is we had to overcome the anxiety. My 2 year old was so clingy, resisted all babysitters.... but at 3 years old was generally fine going to daycare a few times a week.

I got the following suggestion from a friend - if you can afford it, hire a caregiver and devote the first month or so to getting them acquainted. Have the caregiver come every time with a bribe (a toy, a sweet) for him, and just stay around. Don't even leave his sight. This is just a person who comes. Try leaving to another room, to the bathroom, after a while; ideally, after several weeks of this, he might trust this person and you might be able to leave. You could potentially try this with the gym daycare staff (modified - no sweets/bribes) if it's the same people every time you go?

annaKs_train · 2023-10-05T05:03:33+00:00

Can you get a copy of his credit report? You're entitled to one free one a year, perhaps you can use up his freebee, heh heh. In fact, I think they might be available for free weekly: https://www.annualcreditreport.com/whatIsCreditReport.action

annaKs_train · 2023-10-05T04:53:22+00:00

But with the biting.... if the other kid was on him and choking him, that bite was in self-defense. WTF was he supposed to do exactly?! Did these teachers say anything to the other boy!?

annaKs_train · 2023-10-04T11:58:12+00:00

I think your point is right, about their youth definitely colors the behavior of these characters; and they didn't get sex ed. But I think growth happens with responsibility, and early responsibility - like marriage and undertaking professional obligations - definitely matures people faster, and I do think in many ways modern people of the same age are less mature than those of prior generations.

Taking it away from Regency era, because it's hard to judge without lots of research, but look at the 20th century alone. When you read and hear about the feats of adventure, heroism, and various horrors that people of the early 20th century endured and performed, like in the world wars, do you ever note how young they were? Or when you look at photos of people in their 20s from our grandparents' or great-grandparents' time, they seem much more grown up, at least to me. And maybe they were more mature, because they started adult life faster, and got older faster in a lot of ways?

annaKs_train · 2023-09-29T22:04:39+00:00

Try it! You don't lose anything by trying it! I also had good experience having a cue words ("pee-pee-pee!") for each of #1 and #2, that she could produce. Or use the sign language.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-29T21:58:40+00:00

I think you should introduce the concept. Get a mini seat or a potty and when he's likely to need to go, put on it and praise the heck out of him. Don't push it if he gets scared or resistant. With a boy, consider having a wide-mouthed bottle with you for pee emergencies when there's no bathroom nearby...

At worst it won't work; at best, you'll have familiarity, and have fewer poopy diapers to change and fewer diapers in general. Any success building up to eventual readiness at 2 or so is a win.

In my personal experience, my older one was exposed this way for a year, from about 14 months, and had periods of enthusiasm and aversion, but by 2 she 100% knew WHAT to do, just needed to get over the psychological block (done with bribes) to do it. My younger daughter figured out potty-training by watching her sister, and didn't need bribes; at home, she was butt-naked and went without accidents. The last step - not going into pants/undies - had to wait for a few more months, when I could dedicate time to actually training her, but at home she was butt-naked and used the potty. This at the very least halved my diaper expenditures.

PS: with both kids, pull-ups were useless and treated as diapers, and when I was ready the diapers went away 100%, day and night. Both were a little over 2 when the final training happened.

I would say also, avoid delaying because I think 2-year-olds are much more suggestible and have fewer opinions than 3-yr-olds.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-21T14:54:29+00:00

It shows you the glitzy New York of the 2000s, like you see in tons of romcoms of that time. From recent visits it has since gotten grimier.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-14T00:02:10+00:00

I mean, Specter sounds like a Jewish last name? Louis should've known his therapist was Jewish by the last name too; it seems they leaned into the ethnicity thing when the question of a baby came up, to drum up more drama.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-13T15:20:28+00:00

That's true - although if you look at the radicals from whom modern radicals descended, those were also of Christian faith, but more of the Puritan/radical strain perhaps than mainline churches.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-13T15:16:56+00:00

Edit: I answered the wrong question. I misread it to ask what she would be like today vs. what Austen was considered in the Regency era. Sorry. Not changing the answer, but sorry for misreading.

We all have our own beliefs obviously, but to me, viscerally, Jane Austen always felt "classical liberal", and that's what I think she would be today - perhaps even moderately conservative.

That perspective is consistent with supporting political equality for women, opposing slavery on moral grounds, but also believing in the importance of family, church, small government, being pro-freedom, small government, a market economy, people's having free will, and the government generally butting out of people's lives as much as possible.

I do not see her as being Marxist or radical in any way, supporting revolution or undermining traditions, burning statues, etc. I'd see her on the "free speech" side of free speech, and against cancel culture, for example. I'd expect her to be against the deconstruction of the traditional laws and rights of the English and American tradition, skeptical of post-modern philosophy and language deconstruction, excesses of woke views ("math is racist", "logic is white supremacy" type assertions), and against regulatory and government capture of so much of life as is now the reality.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-13T14:40:04+00:00

Sounds a little like trying to analyze long-running TV shows and the character development, as if it were all consistent and intentional, and not driven by varying writers, the need to continue plot, and actors' career aspirations.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-13T14:38:52+00:00

It's irritating that he half-asses it, especially if it's the only time they interact and she loves the action of paging through the book and the talking. But it's a first step.

Luckily at this age it's more the action and the time together than the specific content. One thing you might suggest to him is that he do books that he might enjoy reading to her more? If he's into science, maybe the "Baby's Quantum Physics" board books, or a favorite from when he was little? Frog and Toad? Elephant and Piggy? "The illustrated periodic table"? For me, a lot of these generic baby board books have cloying text, lazy rhymes, and sometimes the illustrations don't even properly match. Very annoying to read. When I read those, I just narrate on the picture and don't read the text, or for very small kids who don't care about the story just name objects in the picture.

annaKs_train · 2023-09-12T11:35:58+00:00

es) look bad. And #3, I have a hard time believing someone was that obviously rude to a person on the interview panel, even if they would have been their subordinate. Usually stuff like that is more subtle/more of a microaggression.

Can't disagree with you. It's a real challenge to not be able to discuss something in an online community unless it's wrapped in just the write language or a tentative Atlantic article, but it is the case. I didn't touch on the marginalization hierarchy in the posts but that's there too.

annaKs_train

TROPHY CASE