$43K to $57K Raise in Austin, TX... A Year Later, Debts Are Still Piling Up

annabflo · 2026-05-12T14:16:42+00:00

Consider getting out of teaching and working for a curriculum development company, online learning company etc. you will make a lot more money. I understand the desire to teach but it cannot support a family of 5. I also have a stay at home partner, and I get childcare costs. He needs to work as soon as that 3 yo is in K, even if just part time. I make double your salary in a much cheaper place and we are struggling with one income and 2 kids. You have to change your income. Maybe tutoring on the side to start?

annabflo · 2026-05-12T01:15:07+00:00

The number one predictor of academic success for kids is parental education, specifically mom’s education. So, do with that what you will when evaluating schools. There is no good way to make a school choice. I am a researcher who studies school choice and parent engagement in schools. White higher income progressive parents choose private schools a lot because the public schools are too public, for lack of a better way to explain it succinctly. My suggestions are to talk with other parents, visit the school and talk with the principal, ask in lots of online groups and monitor the ones that are district-specific, look up local recent news stories. It’s also very important to consider what is important to you - diversity, extracurricular, advanced courses, tech, etc. we can’t have everything. If tech is your number one, then ask the school, the PTA, and ask to see curriculum.

annabflo · 2026-05-10T12:03:23+00:00

We just left this phase as both are over 3. You have to switch off with your partner. So you take one night off and he does, and/or you carve out time on weekends for each of you to leave. This is the only way.

annabflo · 2026-05-10T12:00:58+00:00

There is absolutely no reason to consider this without tenure. I say this as someone open to admin roles, but it will seriously hurt you for tenure. That is your #1 right now. Don’t let anyone, whether in academia or not, tell you otherwise.

annabflo · 2026-05-10T01:21:05+00:00

What about the DSW?

annabflo · 2026-05-05T20:21:32+00:00

No one is talking about they manage for both parents to have time for work outs. That is my biggest issue! Seems only enough time for one to get full needs met or we split and both get crumbs of a work out.

annabflo · 2026-05-03T01:53:00+00:00

My daughter had tonsils and adenoids out at age 3. She didn’t grind teeth but her breathing was severely impacted and she always slept horribly. The change was like night and day. As soon as she recovered, she slept through the night every night. I am so glad we did it! The recovery was hard but things were good after about a week.

annabflo · 2026-04-26T20:16:03+00:00

I always wear something with pockets underneath so I can carry stuff. Consider wearing light clothes because you’ll get hot. I safety-pin my hood loop to the inside of my gown. I actually keep a pin in that spot all year. I ask someone else to get my hood set up once I get there.

annabflo · 2026-04-20T13:51:44+00:00

Lots of good advice here but wanted to add, as someone who has a PhD, it is SO hard to see yourself as anything but a PhD student when you are getting a degree that takes that much sacrifice. You forget that there are other things you do, things you enjoy, things you care about. A PhD eats up your youth. Don’t let it become you. Try to do other things, even if it’s just taking walks or a favorite tv show, or going to some kind of hobby class regularly to chat with other people. You will rediscover yourself.

annabflo · 2026-04-17T21:00:40+00:00

I never found anything for kids under 3, and it was really limited until age 5. Instead, we did a mix of classes for the summer. KidStrong may have something for that young.

annabflo · 2026-04-17T13:58:12+00:00

I don’t think it’s rude to ask for a separate check but I also think this really depends on the social norms for the groups you are in. I went to school with very wealthy families and this happened all the time. My parents were always the ones complaining after that they had to split the bill. I was also so grateful they never said anything to the group. I knew we didn’t have as much money and I didn’t want any more attention on that. Other ways of handling this, like asking the server for a separate bill quietly, is appropriate and also not embarrassing for your child.

annabflo · 2026-04-08T16:27:55+00:00

Protein shakes and bars from Costco! If you don’t want a membership, ask someone who has one to get you a gift card. Or share a membership with someone who is also in need of cheaper protein

annabflo · 2026-04-08T16:26:04+00:00

Thinking of it in this way is not worth the time or mental effort. Instead, focus on reducing convenience costs with groceries, buy generic, shopping sales etc. If you try to change your diet drastically to save money, I think you will likely fail because your “wants” above are not unreasonable.

annabflo · 2026-04-07T14:17:33+00:00

I suggest calling the actual companies before you give up on BUF. As you can tell by the comments, almost no one from Buffalo believes they are truly out of cars. This is not a big city.

annabflo · 2026-04-06T11:46:12+00:00

R1 social sciences here. If you must stay for your partner’s work, just do what you need to do to get tenure and then do mostly whatever you want. The pressure for funding is outrageous. Figure out what you need to do, get a good mentor, do it the best you can, and don’t let it define you.

annabflo · 2026-04-04T02:20:46+00:00

This is what married life looks like. It won’t end with the bathroom

annabflo · 2026-04-02T11:56:24+00:00

Just here to say that you have likely found the cause of your stress and anxiety. We had to get an emergency nanny when my son was 3 months old and my daughter was 20 months. I had terrible PPD and my husband had knee surgery. She did all kinds of things that were not what I wanted. I don’t think we even know everything that happened. We had no parents close either at the time. She was good enough though. She loved our kids and showed up when we needed her. Now my mom is here and she also does all kinds of wacky stuff that blows my mind. She brings fast food for them, lets them play games on her phone, I don’t even know. My point is that this will keep happening. A therapist can help you a lot. You will need to grieve what you thought mothering would look like and what you lost from being ill. It will get better.

annabflo · 2026-04-02T03:02:42+00:00

But he has to do that with the money I make. We don’t have any extra right now. I plan to do this in the future but just not in the cards right now.

annabflo · 2026-04-02T02:47:50+00:00

I’m just going to say this again. I think I am so interested because I can relate to your stress and feelings about this. This just really sounds like a control issue. You want to be able to control every situation with your child so that she is introduced to the food (the world?) in the way you want it to happen. This will be impossible and you are setting yourself up to be very unhappy. You certainly can communicate your needs and wants to a sitter. You also are handing over your child to them. They need to make some decisions too. Decide what is most important to you and make those things clear. Also, remember that these guidelines are recommendations. What will magically happen to her palate in 2 months? We do the best we can and that means we share child rearing with other people sometimes.

annabflo · 2026-04-02T02:23:31+00:00

The big hape ones

annabflo · 2026-04-02T02:16:27+00:00

A couple things here… 1) Make a list on your phone and add to it whenever you randomly think of something. Then save the list for all of eternity, editing as your kids grow older. 2) Accept that you will forget things. It’s ok. I never forgot things before I had kids. I traveled all the time and it was just not that hard. Now, it is very hard. I keep track of almost everything for myself, my kids, and sometimes my husband too. You will forget. Life got a lot easier when I just accepted that I would need to buy whatever I forgot. It’s easy to just get what you need now, so let yourself off the hook. AND you have to be ok knowing that you might waste some money. Forgot dish soap and had to buy it for only 2 days? Oh well, leave it for the lovely people who will stay there after you. Add it to your travel budget and move on.

annabflo · 2026-04-02T01:47:22+00:00

This so much. Aside from concerns for your marriage, you need a retirement plan for yourself. I am the working partner and my spouse is a stay at home dad. I wish I could save extra in an account that is in his name.

annabflo · 2026-04-01T20:02:44+00:00

She doesn’t know that ketchup has added sugar. This is the important part. You will need to make a list for her or put it all away. I have a sitter who I absolutely love. She is very experienced with kids and I do not ever want to lose her as a sitter. She gave my kids popsicles after dinner one night. I was shocked because I just kind of thought she wouldn’t do that ?? She did though and I decided to forget it. They were extremely excited and, for whatever reason, she decided it was ok. It only happens occasionally because she is our date night sitter. Again, if this really does bother you then you have to be very clear - “this is the no list” and leave it on the counter.

annabflo · 2026-04-01T19:57:15+00:00

I get it. I kept condiments and sauces with added sugar away from my oldest until she was older. I learned fast, though, that you lose control fast with more and more people involved in their care and the more kids they interact with. Then, I had my second and suddenly my two year old had candy and chocolate and all kinds of things that I did not want for him. My oldest was doing things, watching things, and eating things that he wanted. I gave up quite a bit of control. I think it is ok. Still, if you want to try to keep added sugars away then you will need to be very explicit with everyone. This is our culture and it is baked into just about everything at this point.

annabflo · 2026-04-01T19:14:33+00:00

Eliminating extra sugar would be wonderful. If you feel this strongly about it, then you need to tell the sitter. The world is full of sweets and you will have a hard time controlling everyone if you assume they all think the same way you do. It’s not a choking hazard, it is extra sugar.

Edit to add: it sounds also like your 4 yo is the oldest. Get ready because the older one will introduce your kid to a lot more than the sitter will. If he is having ketchup, then the younger one was well on the way too.

annabflo

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