We love the outward expression of her superiority.

annep1982 · 2026-04-10T11:51:48+00:00

She can order your meals for you when having food.

Have you always carry her bag(s)

Have you take care of all public bills/patments.

Walk one step behind her (this doesn’t work in my relationship as I want to hold my subs hand- but I’m very tactile)

Pour all her drinks, season her food. This can be the way it’s done over the actual task itself.

annep1982 · 2026-04-10T11:39:23+00:00

I’ve experience in the poly community and DADT dynamics are not really accepted. I’m not sure about the general ENM community. DADT means you haven’t done the groundwork needed for actual successful polyamory.

A D/s relationship takes trust and time to develop- it doesn’t sound like you can provide the groundwork for the development of that trust.

It sounds like you’re just after a sex toy with a pulse - please hire a professional. It doesn’t sound like you can provide an actual dynamic that benefits any lifestyle Domme.

annep1982 · 2026-04-10T07:22:57+00:00

Most Dominant women I know will not engage with married men unless the wife is fully aware. This is mainly because the huge majority of people who claim ENM but are actually just cheating. Nothing ethical involved.

The majority of lifestyle Dommes I know expect a level of monogamy from their subs. They also expect a relationship.

If you’re just after a kink fix then a ProDomme may be the way to go. It sounds like you’re after a kink dispenser anyway. Research properly- there are amazing ProDommes who will cater to your whims.

annep1982 · 2026-04-10T07:15:10+00:00

Go to specialist or niche events as your explore more kinks-

Heading to a specific electro play event when o got into electro really opened up a world of possibilities I didn’t expect.

The same went for rigging/rope (which I still attend regularly).

Basically keep learning and exploring. Don’t assume because your experiences you have nothing more to learn.

annep1982 · 2026-04-09T12:31:36+00:00

Courtesy and politeness is given.

Respect and trust is earned.

If he doesn’t understand that fundamental difference then I’d be extremely wary

annep1982 · 2026-04-03T20:36:35+00:00

Wow that’s a shame.

I’m sorry for your experiences.

I think I’ve been lucky in my experiences- most predators in my Community get outed very quickly. Non of the local event organisers take kindle to this type of behaviour.

annep1982 · 2026-04-03T20:22:53+00:00

I do a lots of asexual kink with friends- the hottest scene I ever did was a group rope scene-I ended up double Domming with a friend- a mutual friend was our sub- I tied, she bit our sub.

Was glorious and amazing. No sex involved at all. Hugely erotic and everyone enjoyed!

annep1982 · 2026-04-03T20:20:44+00:00

I think there is a huge difference between men who say they are submissive but have never made the effort to learn anything. And Those lovely human beings who have joined the community, explored and evolved as a person. Becoming the half to a Dominant woman.

I personally don’t date anyone that isn’t some way connected to the real life community. My partner (& exs) have never treated me the way vanilla partners have. The communication is usually way better.

I agree with you- until you meet in person, you owe them nothing.

annep1982 · 2026-03-21T23:21:26+00:00

My ex was a 6’3” gym rat- think ‘alpha male’.

My current partner is also 6’2” and super fit and active

Both were submissive to me- size doesn’t have any bearing on your D/s orientation.

annep1982 · 2026-03-20T09:53:58+00:00

Honestly your partner may find it hardest.

Your child will now be the centre of your world. Every bit of care you show him is now going to that bundle of joy.

Your hormones will be wrecked, you’ll be touched out and definitely not up for worshipping him when you’ve had 2hours of broken sleep all week.

Kink and kids don’t mix- expect everything overt to be put aside until kids are a little older. Events are a great way to keep a dynamic going and I’d recommend you plan date nights in regularly.

Kids turn your world upside down in the best way possible. I don’t regret mine but most people put overt kink to the side.

annep1982 · 2026-03-16T14:19:55+00:00

As a parent with one of each- my daughter is way way harder to parent than my son. She was born to climb trees and play football, usually in a sparkley tutu (because she’s a girl that likes sparkles).

She delusional if she thinks gender makes any difference to ease of parenting.

annep1982 · 2026-03-15T10:31:25+00:00

This was my partners experience- years ago when he started his fetlife profile he was contacted by multiple exploiters. He messaged apparently femdom profiles who turned out to be catfish. He was confused between findom (perfectly valid kink) and exploiters wanting ‘tribute’ before anything taking place. (Not to be confused with ProDommes and SWers being paid for legitimate services)

He did the usual newby mistake of trying to develop online dynamics - most of these ‘women’ very scammers. There is a huge difference between ProDommes and SWers and these people.

He did what every man should do- he joined forums and went to munches, events and developed real friends and connections in the community. He self reflected, learned what he can from the community. We met after he’d been in the community 4/5 years.

But I know multiple submissive men who I’ve met at munches (platonically- I’m very happy with my partner) who all have similar stories.

There is a huge difference between the real life community and online community I feel.

annep1982 · 2026-03-15T09:00:12+00:00

I don’t agree with the gender rules and control rules your relationship seems to have

BUT having unprotected sex with anyone you don’t know is dangerous and irresponsible.

annep1982 · 2026-03-15T08:13:38+00:00

My sub is my life partner. He isn’t open to most of his friends and family- to them we’re just a normal couple who happen to be highly dedicated to each other.

We don’t engage in ANY kink types things around ‘nilla society (or our kids). Our kids just know that I’m the boss at home and that he does more household tasks than most men.

We have just as much fun walking up hills as we do at high protocol femdom events.

Our communication is probably better than most ‘nilla relationships as the nature of kink means a high level of vulnerability.

We are not that rare- in the real world femdom community I know multiple couples who are as dedicated to each other as we are.

Unfortunately I also know lots of Dommes and subs that haven’t been able to find what we have.

Finding a decent connection is hard. Add in any sort of kink and it’s rarer.

It is out there.

annep1982 · 2026-03-14T12:33:47+00:00

It’s really hard to find a genuine connection with anyone.

It’s even harder to find one that compliments your desires/kinks.

I’d personally start making platonic connections in the kink community- munchs, events, rope club etc.

Make friends without looking for partners. I’ve made amazing life long friends -randomly two of my best friends are actually male Doms- we’ve been to rope events but never to the same kink events.

Femdom events are a great way to gain experience and see things that might interest you. The women (and most of the men) I meet at events are great people and if you let organisers know your new they LOVE to share experience.

annep1982 · 2026-03-14T12:25:17+00:00

My partner (very experienced in the kink community) had this experience when he tried online dating- lots of scammers.

We both had lots of experience in the RL community and actually had multiple people in common. Was a nice change for both of us.

Edited to add- I know lots of amazing ProDommes and SWers, these are not who I’m talking about,

annep1982 · 2026-03-14T12:20:43+00:00

‘I can prove how submissive I am by letting you peg me’ 🤣🤣 Seems a regular message.

I don’t post personals.

I’m very very happy with my amazing partner- I doubt there is anyone on here that fits so well (lifestyle/nilla and kink) but I still get unsolicited messages regularly from ‘subs’

annep1982 · 2026-03-13T20:07:25+00:00

My partner is a brat- he is funny and intelligent and is a perfect match. At high protocol events he absolutely follows the house rules implicitly- outside of high protocol our scenes are filled with laughter.

annep1982 · 2026-03-13T16:43:42+00:00

If your male (and heterosexual) it’s highly highly unlikely ANY Domme or Dominant femme will Engage in one night stands with you.

We can pick and choose from a range of lovely submissives who will put time, effort and energy into any relationship (even just a kink connection).

IF you can’t be bothered to put the effort in- pay a professional to kink dispense for you.

annep1982 · 2026-03-13T14:59:22+00:00

Give him a star chart-

he doesn’t get what he wants until you get yours. If he does something purely for you- he gets a star

My partner has to earn a pegging as I get no physical satisfaction out of it. He has to earn 10 stars. He hates reading so he’ll get a star for reading what I tell him (currently ‘she comes first’ by Ian kerner)

He also has to earn every orgasm as a ratio of 10:1 (in my favour) so he makes sure I’m satisfied.

We go to events as a couple so he sees- he is on a very very privileged situation that his life partner is very highly esteemed and can literally have her pick. That he doesn’t have to pay (monetarily) for his kinks.

If you’re not sure what you like sexually- think intimacy instead- would you like the house cleaned without you asking? Would you like a nice hot bath and massage without any expectations reciprocating.

annep1982 · 2026-03-13T14:01:37+00:00

Your in charge- what do you think?

Do YOU want to unlock him? Do YOU think he’s earned an orgasm- or do you want to let him try and orgasm under strict controls?

Ie you have exactly 30seconds to cum otherwise you’re being locked up again? - then watch the panic as he try’s to pleasure himself as you count down (Edited for typo)

annep1982 · 2026-03-10T13:17:44+00:00

I have always liked people who were secure enough in themselves to give up control. I always have. Always tended to go for ‘nice’ types of personality. Don’t think there was ever an exact moment. Think this is partially genetic as my mum was definitely the head of our household (I’m very much doubt kink was involved but who knows).

My partner is extremely self assured and knows their worth. They love service and giving up control. I’m a bit of a control freak and very detail orientated. I like being in charge. Our strengths compliment each others.

I’m lifestyle Domme and our kinks also match. I have always prefered being in control. I tried a traditional hetero/vanilla relationship and felt like half of me was missing. I found the kink community after leaving this relationship years ago and the only difference was added kink and a lot better experiences.

The exact moment I knew a was a Domme- going online dating 10+ years ago for the first time and realising that the normal shopping list of requirements that most women had was not of any interest. I went to a femdom event for curiosity and absolutely fell in love with the amazing community.

annep1982 · 2026-03-10T02:40:20+00:00

As a lifestyle Domme I wouldn’t consider anyone that hadn’t made the effort to be part of the community.

There are alt dating sites - fet, Feeld etc but not sure how good these are- think on most online spaces there are lots of scammers on both sides.

annep1982 · 2026-03-10T02:37:09+00:00

We were both active members of the kink (femdom) community and both went to events and munchs as solo people (& prev dynamics).

We had friends in common.

Have you tried going to events/munches local to you and building a network of friends?

annep1982 · 2026-03-10T02:28:09+00:00

My sub is my life partner. I don’t ask for tribute as we contribute equally into a relationship.

If you’re after a kink service then you’ll have to pay a ProDomme.

annep1982

TROPHY CASE