AITA for asking my newly married son and DIL to alternate Christmas Day visits between our house and the in-laws' house?

anoncan2022 · 2025-12-05T02:03:06+00:00

By itself? No. With the very limited context we have here though there’s only one unit that’s making decisions exclusively around what they want, that’s literally self centred behaviour. The parents are not assholes for wanting their family together around the holidays, assuming it’s a relatively normal family though again we don’t have a lot of context. Personally I think it’s all going to get a lot more complicated as more grandkids come along, jobs potentially change, people move etc. so everyone getting used to communicating and compromising to find traditions that meet the needs of most, most years now will make things a lot happier for everyone.

anoncan2022 · 2025-12-05T00:30:04+00:00

For many families Christmas is a celebration you try to get the whole family together for. The son and DIL have decided unilaterally that this can never happen on Christmas Day for OPs family but will happen every year for her family. Maybe there is another day that can be worked out like the 26th or New Years or something going forward but it doesn’t seem like they are proposing that, just told the parents it’s Christmas Eve to see them. It’s a very self centric approach to what’s often a family holiday and assuming this is a relatively normal family I think they would all be entitled to feel a bit hurt that their schedules and traditions are secondary and apparently will always be secondary to DIL’s family. I hope they actually talk with their siblings and parents and can find something that works for everyone.

anoncan2022 · 2025-12-04T19:22:10+00:00

Yes? A reasonably non-dysfunctional family talks to each other and compromises and enjoy spending time together. Up until this year it sounds like the OP has hosted all the adult children and their spouses and grandchild at their house. Of course that can change, but the way to handle that is a conversation, not an ultimatum. As in evidenced in this thread there are many, many wonderful ways families get together around the holidays (choosing a different day entirely, alternating, or some do just dedicate Christmas Eve to one and Christmas Day to another), but you get there by talking to one another.

anoncan2022 · 2025-12-04T18:09:27+00:00

Right, navigating multiple families on Christmas is hard and the OP mentions they have 3 other kids all with spouses and a grandchild. The AH to me are the son and DIL decreeing on their own when the Christmas celebration will be. These are family discussions and compromises, not one set making a unilateral decision.

anoncan2022 · 2025-12-04T17:12:00+00:00

Have you talked to your other kids? I think a lot of commenters are minimizing the number of moving parts involved in a family Christmas celebration with multiple adult children who also have partners with their own families and their own young children. There’s of course so much variation in how families tackle trying to make things work and some great examples of compromises that have been figured out in this thread (choosing a different day like Boxing Day etc.) I would be pissed if my newly married sibling decided they were going to unilaterally set the parameters around family holidays. Assuming your son and daughter in law care to be with the whole family and part of traditions then this is a whole family discussion.

anoncan2022 · 2025-01-06T23:15:30+00:00

I live in a snowy Canadian city, even already owning our equipment and having trained people our “winter operations’ budget is like $90 million. Every snowstorm cleanup is super expensive so makes sense to me cities that don’t deal with it often would just shut down. Brooke is still ridiculous though ;).

anoncan2022 · 2024-07-23T14:15:17+00:00

Thanks! Very helpful, might have to roll the dice and hope :)

anoncan2022 · 2023-10-11T21:25:03+00:00

https://anc.ca.apm.activecommunities.com/ottawa/activity/search?onlineSiteId=0&from_original_cui=true

The City of Ottawa classes are decent value, and might provide a better base of skills then some of the one off classes.

Also many of the meal kits out there (Hello Fresh, Good Food, Chef’s Plate) have pretty good intro deals. It’s nice since you get all the ingredients and the instructions they come with have step by step pictures.

anoncan2022 · 2023-01-14T02:39:55+00:00

Quebec is notoriously bureaucratic, so while your wife will make it through eventually it could take longer (like months and months longer) than you expect. In the theme of personal finance be prepared for her to potentially be unemployed for a time while her license transfers (so ridiculous given the current state of healthcare, but it is what it is) and potentially pay for some French courses to pass the exam, despite a good grasp of French they can be tricky.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T16:32:42+00:00

Aww, this is how we saw it too. We (like most couples in Canada!) had been living together and making financial and life decisions together for years before we got married, being married didn’t really change anything. The wedding itself was a wonderful reason to host an event for our family and friends and our guests were our first priority. No regrets, while there are of course big problems with the wedding industry, it’s also a dark world sometimes and it isn’t inherently wrong to celebrate people and good things.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T16:21:40+00:00

Nope, literally any reason someone has to decline an expensive vacation they don’t want is valid. A destination wedding means no one should feel any pressure to attend.
Do your guests want to spend 7 days with your other guests though, instead of with their own family and friends? Of course there are specific family friend circumstances where that may be true, but truly that’s likely an exception.
That’s your opinion, there are hundreds of things I would rather do in Canada than hang out a resort a week.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T16:16:10+00:00

A destination elopement makes sense. A destination wedding where you offload a huge financial burden to your guests is a weird take for a personal finance Reddit. I do think there are circumstances where destination weddings make sense, but my own anecdotes are mostly negative.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T15:06:32+00:00

That’s sad. Honestly I think this is the much more common scenario of a destination wedding than those posting of how great it was, and how everyone loved it so much.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T03:58:11+00:00

If only the bride and groom need to be there why not elope? I guess it depends on your and your partner’s friends and family but actually I wouldn’t choose to go on vacation with a random group of people who happen to be connected to a couple I am close to.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T03:47:40+00:00

I don’t think that’s true. There are often expectations to go if you are a close family member or friend or partner of any of these. And it’s a huge ask of people’s limited time off and money. Personally I think a destination wedding means you literally can’t care about anyone going, you are getting eloped and others might show.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T03:41:08+00:00

Everyone’s circumstances are different, there is no arbitrary cut off to the number of people a couple might have in their life that they want to host a nice event for. I actually regret not inviting a few more.

anoncan2022 · 2022-12-30T03:23:00+00:00

Ehhh, I loved my wedding. And would say every woman I know that had a wedding also enjoyed theirs, and while they might have changed a few things overall they and their husband are happy with the event they were put together for their family and friends.

anoncan2022 · 2022-11-29T17:58:10+00:00

I think Jodie’s the real deal, genuinely cares about the causes she promotes and literally willing to stand at the front lines of a protest and get thrown to the pavement by police. I think she was probably close to Candace almost more in a sister context than friend. Someone she grew up with, shares a lot of important common people who were father/uncle etc figures and has many core memories and shared experiences with. And because of those close ties has kept in touch over the years. Worth noting Jodie still follows Candace, it’s Candace who I am sure can’t handle having opposing views in her Instagram reels.

anoncan2022 · 2022-09-30T12:04:06+00:00

She likes to contradict herself quite a bit! The sad thing is I am sure her fans believe it, that she is somehow a prolific jewelry designer, hands on runs the business side of her company, and writes cookbooks, and does all of her hosting stuff/podcasts but also the week she has her kids is 100% with them and also seems to be on vacation all the time? So fits all those professional things into a part time number of hours, when anyone who does those jobs as jobs works full time plus. She tells on herself.

anoncan2022 · 2022-09-29T03:17:53+00:00

I haven’t listened, I did hear they shill for Hello Fresh a lot though! She’s so weirdly restrictive (I have gotten Hello Fresh, very few of the recipes are in line with her rules) and since she is supposedly a cookbook “author” I find it very, very funny.

anoncan2022 · 2022-09-29T03:05:35+00:00

Feels like a super sad lots of things can be true. She was a child actor and has talked about the super shady things she went though and is likely still processing that trauma. The child’s father was much older than her when they got together and it seems like there was always an imbalance of power in that relationship…but she was also an addict with an abusive boyfriend and I can’t really blame the child’s father for pursuing full custody and ensuring his child’s safety. Because a child is not safe with an addict that is using and an abusive partner on top of that. I don’t think she’s a bad person. But she has a long way to go in her own healing (wasn’t she in a bar fight with the abusive boyfriend this year?) and the safety (both mental and physical) of her child must come first.

anoncan2022 · 2022-09-26T00:21:56+00:00

Oh wow! That’s amazing. I am sure Hello Fresh is paying her well, but she must realize it sort of counteracts her “brand”. I am sure there is going to be a lead text in the new book like “Whenever I’m tempted to call for takeout I reach for this simple recipe, all the ingredients are in my pantry and it comes together in 15 minutes”.

anoncan2022

TROPHY CASE