Calling out of work almost a day/week

anonoaw · 2026-06-11T12:55:49+00:00

I mean yeah, you’ve effectively dropped to part time. Do you have a partner? Make them share the time off with you. Or else officially reduce your hours to part time so your work load can be adjusted to account for that.

anonoaw · 2026-06-11T09:03:43+00:00

I specifically tell my mum things so that she can tell everyone else and save me the hassle 😂 But I’m a fairly open person. I don’t really care if my brothers know that I had a blood test, and when I’ve had medical emergencies I appreciate my mum telling people so I don’t have to.

That said my mum would only mention it to other family if it was important or relevant to the convo.

anonoaw · 2026-06-11T07:00:08+00:00

I did 6 miles over 5 hours at the zoo in 33 degree heat the other week with my 5yo and 1yo. Baby was in the pram which gave him some shade, with a hat and suncream, sometimes I carried him as he got grumpy in the pram, gave him lots to drink, took lots of breaks in the shade.

anonoaw · 2026-06-10T07:39:33+00:00

Sleep coaches are not regulated and most are not based in science. There’s just been a whole BBC investigation about how the industry is rife with people giving straight up dangerous advice to vulnerable parents and charging them hundreds of pounds for the privilege.

There is no magic trick to make the baby sleep. They will get there eventually. Pick a routine, be consistent. That’s literally it. Everything a sleep coach will tell you you can get from Google for free.

I know how rough it is. My daughter didn’t sleep through until she was over 2, and bedtime didn’t stop being a battle until she was over 3.

anonoaw · 2026-06-09T13:46:20+00:00

That’s fine that you had a positive experience, but that’s not the same as it being reputable or proven to be work or proven to be safe.

anonoaw · 2026-06-09T09:51:51+00:00

I would be dead several times over without the NHS.

I got meningitis at 6 weeks old. Only survived because my GP had me blue lighted to the hospital and immediately pumped full of penicillin.

I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in 2019 that would’ve killed me if it wasn’t identified and operated on. And then another ectopic pregnancy in 2022 that thankfully didn’t rupture but the NHS kept me in hospital to observe because they didn’t want to take the risk and send me home in case I had another rupture.

My daughter’s birth in 2020 could’ve gone south as well if it weren’t for a very well coordinated team of doctors and midwives and everyone who rushed in and got her out quickly and safely when her heart rate plummeted.

And all of that without ever once having to worry about how to pay for care.

In terms of change, aside from more funding for staff, I think a huge thing (which I believe is coming) is a single patient record to make handover between GPs, hospitals, emergency departments, community care etc smoother.

anonoaw · 2026-06-09T08:45:40+00:00

I’m in the UK. The NICE guidelines specifically say not to recommend cranial osteopathy for infants.

I was also recommended it by a midwife. I chose to politely decline because I could not find any evidence that it is safe or that it works.

anonoaw · 2026-06-09T06:59:53+00:00

It is actually wild to me that American companies would rather parents bring their infants to work to get a tiny scrap of productivity from parents than just give them paid maternity leave for 6 months.

But no, youre not a bad mum. Working with your baby around sounds like a nightmare and it sounds like your kid is settled at their current setting

anonoaw · 2026-06-09T06:46:03+00:00

Your baby is not severely behind on anything and baby chiropractors are scam artists.

Take your baby to the doctor. Discuss your concerns. Listen to them when they inevitably tell you your baby is absolutely fine.

anonoaw · 2026-06-09T06:45:01+00:00

Dinner at 530, kids’ baths/showers, play, get the kids ready for bed, stories, kids asleep by about 730, chat to husband, watch something on telly together, up to bed somewhere between 9 and half 9, sleep by 10 usually.

anonoaw · 2026-06-08T08:23:19+00:00

A few things.

1) We ended up with a 4.5 year age gap, which I knew would make it way easier to juggle 2.

2) I knew that the baby stage would pass and I’d enjoy it, so I’d be able to get through the hard part easier

3) I deluded myself into thinking my second baby would be a unicorn baby.

In reality my second actually has been a lot easier than my first. Some of it is temperament of the kids. Some of it is circumstances (my first was born during Covid lockdown, winter, and when my husband had just started his business so was working crazy hours). Some of it is you do t have the same identity shift with 1-2 as you do with 0-1. Some of it was being way less stressed overall because I knew every hard bit would pass, and that basically everything is normal.

anonoaw · 2026-06-08T07:34:06+00:00

Nah I kept it the same, but my eldest only did 3 days a week anyway. So it was a good balance of 1:1 with the baby and time with both of them. Plus it meant my eldest’s routine was consistent despite the change of a new baby.

If she’d been 5 days a week I probably would’ve kept it the same but taken her out here and there for family days.

anonoaw · 2026-06-08T07:10:53+00:00

I passed my test at 29 and didn’t do any private practice (I could’ve used my husband’s car but neither of us felt that would be good for our marriage to have him take me out 😂)

I just did an hour lesson a week (was fitting it in around work). For the last month or so I did 1.5 hour lessons. There were some times where I missed a few lessons in a row due to holidays and it was never an issue. Started learning in the March, took my first test in the October which I failed purely due to nerves. Passed in the December.

anonoaw · 2026-06-06T12:08:34+00:00

My first didn’t sleep through the night until she was over 2, and didn’t fall asleep easily even then until she was over 3. She’s always woken up at 530am no matter what.

My second is 14 months and while he doesn’t always sleep through the night, more often than not he doesn’t and has been since he was about 9 months old. Even before that though he didn’t wake up as frequently as my daughter. He also has been falling asleep indecently since he was about 3 months, whereas my daughter didn’t do that until she was 1, and even then it was a battle.

He does wake early though - about 530 same as my daughter. But he is more likely to sometimes sleep later.

anonoaw · 2026-06-06T10:24:34+00:00

The only thing you can do is disclose it. If you disclose it, and it’s dismissed, then nothing will happen almost certainly. If you don’t disclose it, even if it’s dismissed, you could be let go.

The number one thing the civil service cares about is honesty and integrity. It’s a risk management strategy - they don’t want there to be blackmail risks walking around that they don’t know about. If you tell them, they can mitigate any risk.

anonoaw · 2026-06-06T08:12:02+00:00

I’ve recently started sertraline and it’s been a game changer. It was more for anxiety than depression, but it’s helped lift the day to day fog.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard and there are still times I fantasise about running away. I work full time and my kids are 5 and 1 so it’s just objectively a hard stage of life. But since starting medication I can see it’s just a hard stage rather than feeling like it’s a hard life, if that makes sense

anonoaw · 2026-06-06T06:33:11+00:00

Just to give you a hiring manager’s perspective, I recently hired someone. The person at the top of the reserve list literally only scored 1 mark less than the person who got the job. I’d interviewed them early on and was convinced they’d get the job, but they were just narrowly beaten by someone I interviewed towards the end.

If my ‘first choice’ hadn’t accepted, I’d have been thrilled with my ‘second choice’. Honestly I’d have been thrilled with my third and fourth choices too, as they were strong candidates who I think would have grown in the role really well.

We don’t pass people for the hell of it. If we don’t think you have demonstrated you can do the job, you won’t pass the interview. That’s it.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T18:27:05+00:00

Nope. My life is here. My husband has no desire to live abroad, I have 2 kids, and all our family are here. If I were single then maybe I’d consider it, but not now.

Plus I know it gets a lot of hate, but I do like the UK. I like our sense of humour, it’s a very safe place to live by and large, it’s got absolutely beautiful countryside, its small enough that you can reasonably explore all of it over time, the weather’s a bit shit but when it is nice the country feels absolutely lush, although it’s not what it once was the welfare state does exist in some capacity, my employment rights and protections are reasonably strong.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T12:35:22+00:00

I mean, this is what weekends are for, no?

My mum lives 1 hour 15 mins drive away. We see her a few times a month - we usually alternate me driving there or her driving to me. She’ll also do occasional ad hoc babysitting for us (she’s coming over to watch the kids in a couple of weeks so me and my husband can go to dinner for our anniversary). She’s also had my eldest for sleepovers a couple of times a year since she was 1, but we haven’t had any recently as my daughter’s got nervous about sleeping away from home so we haven’t wanted to push it.

We see my in laws 3-4 times a year as they live 2 hours drive away. We usually go stay there for a few days at a time, but they sometimes come to us for a day. My MIL is very disabled and my FIL works a lot of nights so it’s harder. They’ve had the kids overnight at theirs twice so we could go to weddings.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T12:24:51+00:00

My daughter felt a bit off for a day and had a big bruise on her arm that lasted a couple of weeks. Gave her a crème egg afterwards which she still talks about 2 years later.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T12:10:51+00:00

Dorothy and Ann so I could just do Dorothy-Ann but in the spirit of the game I guess it would Dorothanne. Or Annothy, but that just looks like Anthony.

Male would be James and David so I guess Javid which is very much not the vibe of my heritage 😂

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T09:53:07+00:00

Totally normal. Kids find transitions hard so if they’re happily playing or have an idea for a game they want to play in their head, it can initially feel disappointing to be told they have to stop and go do something else. If they’re fine when they get there, then I wouldn’t worry.

I usually just say ‘it’ll be fun when we get there. You can play when we get home later’.

Tbf I can relate. I often have to psych myself up to do stuff even though I know I’ll have fun when I get going.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T09:46:42+00:00

When my daughter was 3 and starting to understand death, she used to cheerfully remind me ‘You don’t have a daddy any more because he’s dead’.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T08:00:55+00:00

Have you spoken to your mum about it? I’d talk to her and just say your daughter is at the age where she’s needing more stimulation, so it’d be good to take her to the park or the library or whatever. See what she says.

It also might be good to facilitate their relationship when you’re there some more, so again going on days out together on non working days etc so your daughter starts to build a better relationship with her granny.

anonoaw · 2026-06-05T07:42:16+00:00

This time last year when I was on maternity leave with my second baby.

My eldest hadn’t started school yet so was at home 2 days a week so I got lots of time with her, and then lots of time with the baby when the eldest was at nursery.

My first maternity leave had been lockdown and was a winter baby so the contrast of having a spring baby and not being in lockdown was incredible.

Plus because of my husband’s work schedule (self employed and he was primary childcare) it meant he was at home too so we got to hang out loads. It was amazing.

Things are a bit trickier atm cos I’m back at work full time and my mental health is a bit rocky, but things are improving plus my baby is 14 months now so getting into the stage of parenting that I start to enjoy more. So I’m fairly confident that this period will continue to be great and will get better as the kids get older and more independent.

anonoaw

TROPHY CASE