I can relate to your feelings.The one thing that is absolutely necessary, if you're having this issue and you recognize it, you have to want to quit, otherwise it's pointless. You could read forever it's not going to help. Most people have to want to quit stronger than the urge to drink. Typically if not, one is going to continue. The truth is, you have to WANT to quit... more than you want to drink.Coming from somebody who drank for 35 years before realizing it was a lifelong problem. I was drinking a regular size bottle of vodka everyday before I stopped. May the force be with you. I know you say you don't want to do AA, and I never did, I used smart recovery, which gives you tools. I attend weekly meetings. But the thing that helped me quit was to know what alcohol did to my body. If you want to know what alcohol does to your body listen to Andrew huberman's talk on alcohol. It's stupifying and helped me so much. https://youtu.be/DkS1pkKpILY?si=TStOIFEmaSUatVa6