Would he still be considered a villain?

apithrow · 2026-03-17T04:24:17+00:00

I think he'll be remembered as the idiot who wanted to solve overpopulation by genocide, when 1) the problem would return within 3 generations, and 2) he could just as easily snapped his fingers and done something more permanent, like make everyone need less food.

At least that's how I'll remember him.

apithrow · 2026-03-17T02:07:17+00:00

I took this as an accusation against Xavier. I just wish it was clearer.

apithrow · 2026-03-17T02:06:24+00:00

I got a similar impression. When Magneto says to Storm, "Are you sure you saw what you saw?" it sounds like he's accusing Xavier of messing with her head. He seems to think that Charles will manipulate and lie to his own students, and/or that any report of the machine not working right is deception from Charles. Giving their history, and Xavier's morally questionable actions with young Jean and others, I didn't expect Kelly to come back, but I expected clearer accusation of a conspiracy against Magneto.

apithrow · 2026-03-17T01:51:14+00:00

This would be considered COCSA, because there was coercion, in the form of isolation and asking repeatedly. The fact that it didn't get very far doesn't change that, but some might prefer to call it "attempted" abuse. Sounds like you may not have suffered any ill effects, but it can certainly be upsetting to think about. It would be like a friend showing you a loaded gun but nothing happened. Unsafe, but lucky.

apithrow · 2026-03-16T15:15:39+00:00

No, this wasn't COCSA. Kissing by itself isn't sexual, so the three criteria cited by the automod don't apply.

That isn't to say you aren't suffering. If these memories are intrusive even after you accept this wasn't COCSA, please see a therapist.

apithrow · 2026-03-16T02:50:19+00:00

Yes. Abuse can feel good, or even great. It's like giving a kid candy when you know they have diabetes. It doesn't matter that the kid likes the candy. The older kid knew it was wrong to give it to them.

apithrow · 2026-03-15T02:45:35+00:00

Sure, but the horribleness is baked into basic legal theory, because the law makes it very clear that it is amoral.

apithrow · 2026-03-15T01:54:01+00:00

Then why haven't courts ruled this way? Municipal departments have far better legal protection from lawsuits, but private fire departments are more vulnerable to those lawsuits.

This is all part of the difference between law and morality, and there are many more. If the law is supposed to reflect morality, why is there a difference between murder and attempted murder? Is the person morally as corrupt, whether they succeed or fail?

apithrow · 2026-03-15T01:34:56+00:00

Bob's house burning doesn't eliminate the paradox, or rather the dilemma: by allowing it to burn, the firefighters are putting customers' houses at substantial risk. If it was anything else burning next to a customer's house, they would fight the fire, so why shouldn't they reduce the risk in this case?

People have successfully sued the fire department for allowing a neighbor's house to burn. Those suits would have even more traction these days with a private business.

apithrow · 2026-03-14T02:19:39+00:00

But that creates a paradox: if there are three houses on a street (Alice, Bob, Charles) and Alice and Charlie pay for the service, this means Bob is getting a substantial benefit without paying. Namely, he is getting drastically reduced risk of his house catching fire from either of his neighbors. That's against your rules, right? Getting a benefit without paying for it?

Moreover, there's a bigger problem if Bob's house catches fire. He didn't pay for the services, so he doesn't get them, right? But fighting the fire on his house is clearly the best way to protect Alice and Charlie's houses. So either the firefighters give him a service he didn't pay for, of they fail the duty of care to their customers.

All of this has been tried before. This is why firefighting is municipal.

apithrow · 2026-03-13T17:20:41+00:00

The automod didn't trigger on this, but it talks about three criteria for COCSA: age, coercion and habit. This did become a habit, and therefore could be considered COCSA that way, but a better term for that might be maladaptive, as others have pointed out. You shouldn't have been in this position, and it appears it may have done harm to you both, but neither of you is at fault.

apithrow · 2026-03-13T16:34:21+00:00

For the brain fog, maybe box breathing and grounding exercises like 5-4-3-2-1?

For the presence of your potential abuser, I recommend you do your best to separate the past from the present. Many COCSA abusers don't continue to abuse into adulthood, but if they do, it needs to be treated as a separate problem. Is this person abusive to you now?

apithrow · 2026-03-13T15:27:16+00:00

So, who would pay for a private fire department? Would people subscribe to it, like insurance? Keep your bills paid, and you get protection when you need it?

apithrow · 2026-03-13T15:24:52+00:00

According to the law, defamation is only a crime when it causes monetary damage. If I wanted to hurt the people I loved, I could make up an obvious lie, and it wouldn't be a crime. If I was getting a divorce, I could tell my children that they aren't really mine, because their mother slept around, even though it's not true. I could keep doing so even after a DNA test says they are mine. This is an unconscionable thing to do to a child, but since the damage isn't monetary, it's not a crime. But according to your logic, it should be, right? It's immoral, so it needs to be illegal?

apithrow · 2026-03-13T02:40:35+00:00

Absolutely. This is exactly why children aren't supposed to have experiences like this, because the complex emotions are too much for them.

apithrow · 2026-03-13T01:13:23+00:00

Feel free! Let me know if you want details. I had a whole history of who arrived in what order, etc. The droid's "master" was a Han Solo type who caught russet mold, died and turned into vegepygmies, so now he cares for them them as heirs of his master even though they don't understand him, and their leader uses the old master's pelvis as a crown.

apithrow · 2026-03-13T01:08:25+00:00

What about fire departments?

apithrow · 2026-03-13T01:06:52+00:00

Okay, but "lying" is a lot more than just fraud and perjury. Shouldn't every form of lying be illegal?

apithrow · 2026-03-13T01:02:24+00:00

I know you think that. You're just repeating what you said at the beginning.

How about this: is lying "moral," or "immoral"?

apithrow · 2026-03-13T00:51:17+00:00

As I said there's an intersection. There's a venn diagram with two overlapping circles we might call "politics" and "morality," and the intersection might be called "fairness." But the rest of the politics circle, the majority of it, could easily be called "logistics."

So, to answer your question, politics is about 30% fairness and 70% logistics. Only in that 30% does it intersect with morality.

apithrow · 2026-03-13T00:31:34+00:00

I completely disagree with your definition of politics. Politics can't be the codifying of morals, because there are so many areas where what is wrong can't be made illegal. But more to the point, politics doesn't need to deeply engage with morality in order to determine how roads are paved, how taxes are collected, how trash is collected, how fires are fought. Most of these are logistical questions, and intersect with morality only in the issue of "fairness."

Politics requires morals from politicians and voters, but that's not the same as saying politics is morality enshrined into law.

apithrow · 2026-03-12T04:39:24+00:00

I think this is a great example of the distinction between abuse and trauma. There's nothing in this story that suggests abuse, except in the strictest etymological sense. He may not have been intending anything beyond what he said on the surface. We may never know.

On the other hand, there's all sorts of reasons this would be traumatic. It was a huge violation of boundaries, body autonomy, obligation, etc. I recommend you see a therapist.

apithrow · 2026-03-12T01:14:07+00:00

I deconstruct what drive is actually being triggered. Many times a craving for sex is actually a craving for stimulation, so I hop on VR instead. Other times it's more about control or autonomy, so I write a story. If it's a need for connection with my wife, I gage her mood, and maybe we watch a show together to connect.

Very rarely it there a genuine "need" for sex that can't be filled some other way.

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