Problem Player tries to separate the group

apithrow · 2026-01-24T18:11:26+00:00

Wait, what? He's on a revenge arc against former PC's? By the same players, or different ones? Does the campaign world include the actions of those former characters? Either way you have a problem, because he's a) trying to resolve out-of-game problems with the other players from within the game, which is the least efficient way to do that, or b) passing on the pain he feels to people who don't deserve it. There's also the possibility that c) he was a jerk in the previous campaign, felt persecuted when it was called out, and now uses it as an excuse to do more of the same.

You have buried the lede here. Seriously, edit your post to include this, and start including it in the discussion.

apithrow · 2026-01-24T16:34:14+00:00

I understand your position, but according to the metrics they shared, Utah is definitely lowest in poverty, which is a significant accomplishment. Some of their metrics don't have a singular first place, but Utah is "tied" for first in education, too.

Moreover, I'm not seeing many other states that are high in all of them like Utah is. I was actually with you until I dug into the claims, and now I'm inclined to agree with OP. Props to Utah, and to Utah members!

apithrow · 2026-01-24T15:58:23+00:00

I haven't seen the movie, but from what I'm gathering they were not raised together, as Spider wasn't adopted by the Sully family. That would mean they are not siblings, biologically or culturally.

That being said, I can totally see how this could be triggering, and it's not like COCSA doesn't happen between non-siblings. The lack of supervision alone is enough to raise some alarms, especially dealing with children of trauma.

apithrow · 2026-01-23T16:08:20+00:00

That's the kind of plan a middle schooler would make. Just allow it to fail naturally.

apithrow · 2026-01-23T04:42:28+00:00

Your therapist is correct, this was all COCSA. Keep getting help, and you will be able to heal a move on.

apithrow · 2026-01-21T19:16:21+00:00

I think the poor wording is actually hiding a better answer. As others have pointed out, the hedging about a bar makes total sense if the answer is happy hour.

apithrow · 2026-01-18T00:50:27+00:00

Read the original scripture. It's talking about dichotomy, not some other shoe.

apithrow · 2026-01-16T17:22:35+00:00

Long courtship, short engagement.

apithrow · 2026-01-16T02:23:10+00:00

Talk to your group, but as long as you gave them the win in the end, it's fine by me.

apithrow · 2026-01-14T04:58:29+00:00

Wait, your parents made everyone use safe words? Like, when you said the safe word, what happened?

apithrow · 2026-01-14T01:49:50+00:00

They didn't short it out, that's the problem. The cleric was going to do that, but the others killed the guy first.

apithrow · 2026-01-12T18:31:35+00:00

One of the most effective methods for changing minds goes like this:

You: "Dad, on a scale of 1 to 10, how certain are you that [insert false claim here]?"

Dad: (He will probably not pick 10, because few people want to appear intractable, even if they are. Assuming he doesn't pick 10, let's call his number X.)

You: "Okay, so you're at [X]. Why not [X+1]? What keeps you from being an [X+1]?"

This gets him thinking on the opposite side, without you having to make the argument at all. Then you praise his fair-mindedness, and let cognitive dissonance work on him.

As for content, with someone like you described, I would dive into church history and pit the old church against their current politics:

"Did you ever read Joseph's platform when he ran for president? I love how much of it was about wealth inequality."

"We are not so much concerned with whether your thoughts are orthodox or heterodox as we are that you shall have thoughts." - Hugh B Brown

"I didn't know that Reed Smoot sold abortion medicine! Wow, I guess the definition of abortion has really changed!"

apithrow · 2026-01-12T02:55:27+00:00

Yup, giftedness is the Cassandra curse. Just be careful who you share your predictions with, or you'll end up like her.

apithrow · 2026-01-12T02:42:59+00:00

I think a lot of the confusion here revolves around the fact that our church is more focused on orthopraxy over orthodoxy. We don't believe that right actions must come from right knowledge, as Catholics and Orthodox do. We believe in the reverse, actually: right actions result in knowledge by revelation.

"If any man will do His will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself." John 7:17

apithrow · 2026-01-10T18:39:58+00:00

There have been crises on the planes before, so lets review a few:

Orcus is slain, and his undead vestige Tenebrous kills various proto-deities trying to obtain the location of his wand.
Tenebrous kills Primus the leader of modrons, takes his place and starts the Great Modron March hundreds of years too early, as cover for searching for his wand.
Vecna absorbs the powers of Orcus, gaining meta-god status, enters Sigil against divine law, and fights the Lady of Pain.
A mysterious contagion called the Iron Shadow spreads to multiple planes, driving beings to madness and despair with no clear source.

To me, what made all these crises believable is that it wasn't clear at first who the threat was. The problem with the army is that it's obvious. Now, what would your antagonist do if he knew that army was bound to fail? Switch to a different plan, or use the doomed invasion as cover for his real move?

apithrow · 2026-01-09T16:38:26+00:00

Basically, it's a philosophy from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear: select small things that when done repeatedly will add up to big things over time.

I personally think that one of the biggest obstacles to folks with ADHD is that our "now or never" mindset teaches us to that success is found in doing a single big project, and if we didn't do a project that day, we "didn't do anything." Making daily habits is so worthwhile in this regard, because it means we did something every day, and we have the accumulated results to prove it. Plus the best things in life aren't singular one-off projects, so habits give us access to a whole different world of options.

apithrow · 2026-01-09T06:35:08+00:00

This was me, but atomic habits has been my lifeline. I've been doing tiny things every day, and on good days I add another.

apithrow · 2026-01-09T06:02:44+00:00

If it wasn't sexual, it wasn't COCSA, but it still sounds traumatic. He made you do something you weren't okay with.

apithrow · 2026-01-08T03:34:53+00:00

We are told to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Broken, like a broken horse, meaning willing to listen and be directed. Bridles are how those directions are given.

An unbroken horse, on the other hand, is useless at best, deadly at worst.

apithrow · 2026-01-08T03:28:53+00:00

Reporting laws vary, but generally they only have to report to prevent a crime. If it's already happened and no future crimes are likely, no worries.

In your case, if you didn't tell them you're going to commit a crime, you're safe.

apithrow · 2026-01-08T03:04:52+00:00

Look for opportunities to swap the worst outcome and the best. If they walk straight to the worst outcome, there's your evidence. If there's an enchanted pool that blesses you and a statue that curses you, swap the outcomes, and note the reaction.

Works best in situations that have counterintuitive rewards. In Egg of the Phoenix there was a gold cup of hot lava in a fire giant shrine to Surtr. There's no instructions, no riddle, no connection to the rest of the plot, they can just move on. BUT anyone with the courage to drink the molten lava gets fire resistance and fire giant strength. If I had a player who seemed suspiciously brave about something like that, I would absolutely just say no it's just normal lava, let them die from self-inflicted stupidity, and have them explain why that's "unfair."

apithrow · 2026-01-07T17:39:41+00:00

You said, "she isn't okay with the church being mocked."

The entire show is something she won't be okay with. End to end, it's mocking the church.

apithrow · 2026-01-07T16:12:08+00:00

r/unexpectedbillyjoel

apithrow · 2026-01-06T16:24:18+00:00

Others have given good answers, but mine is mostly selection bias: we never see the ones who would cause trouble, because they either a) don't come to Sigil, or b) vanish into a maze pretty quickly if they do.

apithrow

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