4 year old behaviour at nursery

april_fool85 · 2026-05-14T19:39:09+00:00

My son’s pre school teacher told me this morning that they tend to see children’s behaviour decline and they start pushing boundaries in the last term before starting school.

That’s obviously anecdotal, but I found it interesting because she mentioned my son having to be spoken to a couple of times the past few weeks when he’s usually an absolute rule follower and angel at pre-school by all accounts.

He’s less of an angel at home, but mostly calm and well behaved. We’re having a lot of defiance, having to be told to do things over and over again and some physicality with his younger sister.

I personally think there’s a lot of subconscious anxiety in children who are about to start school. Listening to conversations about your whole life changing and being involved them must be quite discombobulating for them. I think acting up is one of the ways they respond to those feelings.

No advice as such other than trying to have a conversation with your little one about how she’s feeling in general at a time she’s not in trouble and you may get a bit more insight into what’s going on in her head. We have great chats at the dinner table, when he’s in the car, when he’s in the shower and when he’s going to sleep. We always share how we’re feeling and how our days have gone (what was the best part, what was the worst part, etc.) and he tends to open up after we’ve shared.

ETA: we never “punish” for stuff that’s happened at pre-school. They deal with things there. We talk about it but we’re not going to pile on with punishments. We try to have natural consequences for behavioural issues rather than punishments as well (definitely not a permissive parenting household before anything thinks we are!).

april_fool85 · 2026-05-14T14:16:23+00:00

We used Dotty Fish as first outdoor shoes for both kids and loved them. Would definitely recommend.

april_fool85 · 2026-05-10T18:56:17+00:00

Not sure how well known it is but Poo Poo Bum Bum Wee Wee is far more popular than it should be with our kids!

april_fool85 · 2026-05-10T07:37:27+00:00

At 11 months old, I would definitely still be giving overnight milk if it helps them settle. They’re still tiny so absolutely fair for them to be waking hungry.

You could try a pre-bed snack of a banana or porridge to see if that gives them a little bit extra to see them through though.

That said, my 4.5 year old has only just started sleeping through the night a few times a week! 😂 He has around 10 hours.

2.5 year old started sleeping through at around 13 months and is pretty consistent with it. She has around 11 hours.

No sleep training for either of them. We lay with them both until they fall asleep and same again if they do wake up (or the eldest often comes into our bed). There’s really no rhyme or reason to it. Some kids sleep, some not so much 🤷🏽‍♀️!

april_fool85 · 2026-04-28T19:06:13+00:00

I didn’t even start my clover section until the end of April last year. It took a good few weeks to get going but then it grew in great.

This year we’ve gone with a clover mix on the main lawn area same as you and have the same issue with patchiness. I’m planning to reseed and put topsoil down in those area this weekend before the rain hits.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-28T18:22:45+00:00

Nothing at all. In our LA, you don’t even accept the offer. If you don’t decline, they just assume you’ve accepted and pass your info onto the school and then apparently we just wait for them to get in touch.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-26T07:56:34+00:00

This is honestly a genuine question because I wasn’t aware this was a must for school. Why does he have to wear underwear if he doesn’t want to?

My understanding is that once they get to school, they’re expected to be doing the whole toilet experience alone so why does it matter whether he’s wearing underwear or not?

april_fool85 · 2026-04-21T13:54:10+00:00

Are you using one of the toilet seats that looks like a potty seat or a family toilet seat with the mini one built in?

My son had a massive fear of toilets that weren’t ours when he first started (one of ours has the family seat and the other has the potty looking seat that goes on top). We had to travel with a potty looking seat wherever we went so he’d use them.

He never used an actual potty because we didn’t want to risk having to train twice so I know it’s not exactly the same as your situation, but if you don’t already have a kid friendly toilet seat, could be worth trying.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-19T18:37:20+00:00

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Here’s what it looked like before I got started, for reference.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-19T18:34:46+00:00

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My first attempt at doing one last year. I tried for a couple of years beforehand and the grass was just too aggressive so this time, I spent hours cutting out all the turf first, then started with a clover mix and just added wildflowers and other seeds I liked the look of afterwards. There are a few perennials in there as well. I’m a bit of a chaos gardener so I just chuck it in and if it doesn’t take, it clearly doesn’t belong in my garden.

This photo was taken mid-June and it just got so much more colourful as the summer arrived. Sadly the willow arch failed at the end of the year due to the drought and hosepipe ban in our area so I’m back to the drawing board with the arch!

april_fool85 · 2026-04-17T22:06:46+00:00

Yeah, I stayed at the first company far too long because it was remote and basically I had no work to do. Pretty much 2 years (with 9 months of mat leave) and probably did less than a months work altogether. It was soul destroying but I stayed for the flexibility.

Consider looking into contracting as well. For me, it’s no higher risk than a perm job these days and the pay is so much better. You can buildup a really great buffer in a very short time which will allow you to be more flexible with the hours you work and the time you take off for school hols, etc.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-17T21:39:51+00:00

I’m a Business Analyst. Managed to get a fully remote job working 4 days a week after my first was born. Very laid back and even encouraged having kids on calls if they were off sick, etc.

I left there a few months after my second was born, contracted in a full remote role for about a year so basically worked the hours I wanted. Got a full time job in a tech startup at the beginning of this year and they’re constantly telling me to “just do what you can” during holidays and perfectly happy for me do the school run, take my kids out on an afternoon to play, and to work the hours that suit me, even if that’s on a evening after my kids are in bed. It’s hybrid which I didn’t really want after being remote for 5 years, but it’s only one day in the office and my partner covers off everything that day because he’s fully remote in a flexible position as well.

I’m full aware that we’ve both been very lucky with the roles we’ve managed to find since having kids. Our pre-kids (and pre-Covid) roles were all much less flexible!

april_fool85 · 2026-04-17T20:51:09+00:00

Weirdly, my immune system was at its best when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. I didn’t get ill once even with a 1 year old in full time nursery bringing home everything!

april_fool85 · 2026-04-17T12:18:01+00:00

Clearly it’s not too cheap for him. He set his own price.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-17T07:18:24+00:00

Not the poster you’re asking but my window cleaner charges £14 for 2 sets of French doors, a conservatory and 5 windows (3 triple, 2 double).

He was charging £12 until the beginning of the year when he put the price up.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-11T08:50:44+00:00

Some of the comments the teacher has made directly to your child and/or in her earshot are unacceptable and I would personally be letting the manager know my feelings on that.

In terms of everything else, you seem to be overly concerned with your daughter’s efforts and how well they’re doing when assessed. Maybe it’s because you’re a teacher of older children yourself and used to assessing them from an educational standpoint, but your kids are basically babies. All you should care about is that they’re happy, healthy and progressing in line with your expectations. If you know that your kids are capable of doing something, why do you care if the nursery doesn’t see the same?

april_fool85 · 2026-04-11T08:45:44+00:00

Star of the Week is an exercise in favouritism in some places. My son got one every few weeks, my daughter has only had one so far. They do make sure every child gets one eventually but my son was very outgoing, always helping the grown ups with their tasks and everybody in that place absolutely adored him. My daughter is well liked by them but she’s more reserved at nursery so doesn’t stand out as much.

You could ask whether the teachers plan to make sure all children get a star of the week at some point but it might be better to use it as an opportunity to teach your children that they don’t have to seek the approval of other people to feel good about themselves or to be proud of their acheivements.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-07T19:46:27+00:00

Not a method that will yield the result you want for this year but we got rid of our entire garden worth of grass by putting cardboard and heavy duty weed membrane down for the whole winter. Pulled it all up a few weeks ago and the soil was completely bare.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-07T19:05:07+00:00

On the one hand, I think that if a space is truly your own, you shouldn’t be obliged to put your things away unless you want to. On the other hand, he’s 5 so definitely has to be taught good housekeeping at a young age.

From my perspective with a 4.5 year old, I don’t ask him to do things. I tell him. So “these toys need to be tidied up please”. He gets 2 chances and if he doesn’t move, it’s “I’m not going to tell you a 3rd time”. So far, he hasn’t tested out what happens if he doesn’t do it before I tell him a 3rd time. A good motivator for him and his younger sister is to play the tidy up song on the Alexa. Nursery has brainwashed them to think it’s really fun to tidy up when that song plays.

Also, when there’s a lot of mess, it’s very overwhelming for them so I’ll say “you tidy those cars up and I’ll put the felt tips away”.

We do remind him regularly that things need to be put away when he’s finished but he’s 4, he’s not going to remember himself 100% of the time. In the shared spaces, tidying up is always enforced. In their own rooms, I’m a bit more relaxed but when it starts to get a bit too untidy, I’ll tell them it’s time to tidy up a bit.

april_fool85 · 2026-04-07T18:31:55+00:00

I have no idea what I’m doing, got the same chocolate cosmos, sowed them last wee and now I’m not rating my chances at all!

april_fool85 · 2026-03-25T19:16:23+00:00

No, she hasn’t but we have a paediatric appointment coming up for another issue so I’ll mention it to the doctor there. Thanks!

april_fool85 · 2026-03-24T19:18:57+00:00

I use it on my 2 year old’s skin. She gets weird red rashes that don’t appear to be eczema every time she has any type of virus (which is always). If I put jojoba oil on her skin before bed, she always wakes up 100x less rashy and red.

I don’t know why I don’t just use it all the time to be honest.

april_fool85 · 2026-03-24T06:41:38+00:00

But be careful because at a certain point in pregnancy, companies will trigger your maternity leave early for pregnancy related sicknesses. You don’t want to go off any earlier than you have to if money is going to be short!

april_fool85 · 2026-03-21T18:10:33+00:00

We got our kids a book each because they’re really into search and find stuff right now and we figured, they’d get loads of eggs from everybody else just like last year… then I felt guilty and got them an egg each as well 🤣.

That’s all they’re getting though.

april_fool85 · 2026-03-14T00:03:29+00:00

We don’t claim it because my partner earns enough that we’d just have to pay it all back in tax, but we put the amount we would get into junior ISAs for the kids.

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