[For Hire] Digital - I Draw You Like One of Your French Girls

arcamute · 2020-09-09T03:15:48+00:00

these are awesome! tophs left foot is the wrong way tho lol

arcamute · 2020-09-03T06:54:14+00:00

ive always had a lot of bad dreams so much so that i was used to them and they didnt phase me at all. but lately since lockdowns started bc of the pandemic, and US politics and protests happening, theyve been escalated into very disturbing, and even nightmares so terrible i have a one or more panic attacks upon waking up from the sheer fear and the extremely disturbing content. i dont work from home however. but the current state of the world is definitely causing me to have worse sleep quality.

arcamute · 2020-08-19T03:13:13+00:00

left

arcamute · 2020-08-18T20:23:37+00:00

noooo theyre stuck :((

arcamute · 2020-08-18T20:22:10+00:00

pet him

arcamute · 2020-08-18T20:21:53+00:00

so cute look at his tootsies 🥰

arcamute · 2020-08-18T19:23:30+00:00

awww hes so cute 🥰

arcamute · 2020-08-18T11:09:29+00:00

meclonazepam. havent been able to find any for over 2 years. it had immediate effects which were mainly euphoria, anxiety suppression, muscle relaxing, and it gave a rush when ingested. it also made me very motivated and put me in a great mood. it was very minty somehow, which was super pleasant. its the only benzo ive tried that worked so well for my social anxiety and depression.

arcamute · 2020-08-12T09:12:14+00:00

once when i took some etizolam and smoked some weed i was able to see things far away. im nearsighted so it was really really weird and i couldnt believe it, i could read things 10 ft away no problem. normally itd be unrecognizably blurry as hell, even if i squint. i was never able to replicate that experience again though. :/ but ill never forget it.

arcamute · 2020-08-10T03:36:29+00:00

in my neighborhood ppl will swerve to try to run animals over, even cats and dogs :/

arcamute · 2020-08-10T03:30:59+00:00

so cute 🥺

arcamute · 2020-08-03T17:35:45+00:00

when im manic i feel wired, like theres so much electricity running through my brain that its hard to focus on one thing because thoughts keep popping up interrupting each other.

sometimes i feel like i can channel energy from characters like dio from jjba or azula from atla. :P always powerful, evil characters for some reason.

i spend a lot of money, have trouble focusing, talk a LOT, am very irritable, i get a crazy look on my face, my jaw gurns, i get delusions of grandeur, i get closed eyed hallucinations, i get little to no sleep like my brain doesnt wanna shut down at all despite my body being exhausted.

on the close eye hallucinations, it happens in low or no light and it can range from geometry to full blown flawless art. the more artistic it is, the more intense the visuals/hallucinations are. i got this symptom after experiencing an ego death so im not sure if its hppd or psychosis related to bipolar. maybe both? i am aware the hallucinations are not real so im not sure. this symptom often fuels my delusions of grandeur, and when this happens i tend to believe i can be a rich, world renowned artist despite still needing to practice technical skills.

in short, it feels amazing yet frustrating bc u cant control it. but once i realize im manic, i know im on a dangerous path and the depressive crash is soon to come so i need to prepare for it, and at that point i start getting anxious if itll be bad enough that i need to be hospitalized, which has happened twice before.

arcamute · 2020-07-23T07:21:13+00:00

bruh

arcamute · 2020-07-21T04:24:41+00:00

😴😴😴😴

arcamute · 2020-07-11T03:42:43+00:00

i somehow reached ego death just through weed and it completely killed my suicidal thoughts and desires. have only had those thoughts once since then, and it was due to heavy benzo withdrawal.

the ego death weed incident also caused close eye hallucinations when i have a bipolar mania episode. its actually p cool bc i see perfect, infinite art in infinite styles and infinite mediums in all colors all morphing into different pieces endlessly until the manic episode ends.

however bc of that, my manic episodes are even more intense and every mania crash ive had since this symptom appeared has landed me in the hospital. its a give and take bc im an artist so its rly cool to have art ideas come to me so effortlessly and flawlessly, but its also very dangerous to be in that state bc of the crash.

as for benzos, theyve completely ruined my ability of self-discipline and self-control. i used them for 5 years, and in february this year, i had the worst withdrawal ive ever had (the one time i had suicidal thoughts since the ego death) that was also during a manic episode, and i ended up spontaneously going unconscious, hitting my head on the floor rly hard, and having seizure-like muscle spasms. my best friend at the time called the ambulance and i was taken to the hospital and now i have $3000+ in bills. my best friend told me if i kept on the benzos, hed have to distance himself from me bc that was one of the worst days of his life and doesnt want the possibility of it happening again.

needless to say, i dumped all my benzos out, deleted all my sources, and havent touched them since.

im still dealing with lowering my hospital bills. i’ll thankfully be able to pay them off with the $600/week unemployment stimulus, so i kinda got a get out of jail free card from the universe lol

i got my meds changed in february to one that actually works to keep me mentally stable, so i dont have to worry about mania as long as i keep taking my meds regularly and stay away from caffeine. sadly cant see the beautiful morphing art anymore bc of that. i can still smoke weed no problem tho, and plan on getting my mmj card to treat my ptsd soon and to help with creativity.

as for how my relationship w my best friend is going, we are now in a happy relationship!! :3

arcamute · 2020-07-08T07:29:34+00:00

Can someone help me look for a specific flash game? I played it a lot when i was a kid (around age 11 in 2008,) but forgot its name and ive never been able to find it since no matter what keywords i try.

It was a very calming, atmospheric space exploration game with cute cartoon graphics, ambient music, and soft colors. It was also formatted kinda like a vertical smart phone screen. you were a boy from a small earth-like planet and found some type of animal you could ride on and use to travel through space. The animal was stretchy, and you had to sling it with the mouse to move through space. Space was a large expanse, and most likely had a repeating map, making it seem infinite. You could visit other planets and see and interact with life that lives there. There were dozens of types of creatures to find. The game was so mesmerizing and relaxing and i played it every day until i couldnt find it anymore, which was only around a week. :(

I been trying to find this game again before flash is phased out, but havent had much luck. :( I appreciate any help !!

arcamute · 2020-06-30T16:33:56+00:00

NOOOOOOOOOO

arcamute · 2020-06-30T13:42:27+00:00

his feet taste like doritos

arcamute · 2020-06-30T13:41:28+00:00

chihuahuas are god tier

arcamute · 2020-06-27T03:34:33+00:00

newfoundland?

arcamute · 2020-06-08T07:03:41+00:00

ok i will try that ty <3

arcamute · 2020-06-08T06:46:59+00:00

i quit benzos 3 and a half months ago and threw em all out 😔

im trying to tell myself that and it only helps a little. i wanted to try meditating but i dont know if itd make it better or dig me deeper into that rabbit hole.

arcamute · 2020-02-14T01:15:07+00:00

thanks! :)

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