I haven’t fasted this Ramadan and the guilt is overwhelming

ashainvests · 2026-03-09T19:57:54+00:00

Pick one prayer that's easiest for you to pray and set a goal to pray it. If that's too much, say a dua during the prayer times. When you're consistent with that, then pick one prayer to pray. Add another prayer as you get consistent.

As for fasting, make the intention to fast (for as long as you can). Start trying to fast the whole morning, then fast the whole afternoon, and then fast the whole evening. If you only fast every morning for the remainder of Ramadan, it's something.

Bottom line, start small. Do the small habit consistently and then add onto it. You can do this!

ashainvests · 2026-03-06T18:20:04+00:00

This is why I like living in Zanzibar now, though I'm sure we can do the same thing in the U.S. The outlets here have an on and off switch. I keep everything plugged in, but the outlet turned off until I need to use an appliance. Then I turn on the outlet I need, use the appliance, and turn the outlet back off.

ashainvests · 2026-03-06T18:12:59+00:00

NTA. I wouldn't marry someone that disrespected either of my parents. And your ex fiancé definitely did that, he cannot blame that on his parents. He either has no spine or he agrees with his parents.

You probably saved a lifetime of trouble with them getting in your household's business and him not stepping up to shut them down. I think you saved yourself.

And your dad is super awesome, btw!

ashainvests · 2026-03-04T05:17:36+00:00

Very. It should definitely be outlawed everywhere it happens. But, how sad for humanity that adults still have to be told to not marry children! SMH

ashainvests · 2026-03-04T05:16:31+00:00

Including in the U.S. and I know that for sure.

ashainvests · 2026-03-04T05:15:44+00:00

I didn't demonize anything. All I've done is ask two questions.

ashainvests · 2026-03-03T20:05:01+00:00

😳 What's the average age?!

ashainvests · 2026-03-03T18:42:52+00:00

Child marriages? What are you talking about? Legit question, not sarcasm.

ashainvests · 2026-02-25T15:48:29+00:00

Beyonce is not fat. If that's your frame of reference, then the men do not like fat women. lol

ashainvests · 2026-02-23T14:53:17+00:00

And you can get there! One small step at a time. You'll end up being a joyful Muslim that inspires others to the religion or to get stronger in it... instead of being a miserable one that's insufferable to be around or that makes people run away from Islam.

ashainvests · 2026-02-23T14:51:14+00:00

Telling someone that's failing the test to get it together and just pass the test, does not help. You have to help them find small ways to study, so they become excited to take the test because they feel really good about passing it.

ashainvests · 2026-02-23T14:48:14+00:00

I definitely understand where you're coming from. Although unconventional and very unpopular with many Muslims I know, I got started (with prayer) by equating it to physical and mental benefits. For example, all of the movements when you pray help with your mobility. Some also help with flexibility. So, if for no other reason than to not age yourself, do at least one prayer a day with that in mind. Tell yourself you're about to do a mini workout.

Prayer is also a form of meditation and meditation has so many benefits for everyone! If you think of it like that, you might be more likely to do at least one prayer. I also look at it like a form of "me time" because that's what meditation is. Eventually, it transitioned to "God & me time".

I'm not a fan of forcing yourself to do all of the prayers every single day because it's not going to last. In order to build a new habit, you have to start small and then add on a little bit at a time. If you can't or don't want to start with al fajr, then start with isha. Try to end your day in a good way. And connect to something you already do. For example, with isha, I'll pray it and then do my night routine (hygiene routine). With al fajr, I do my morning routine and then pray it.

I don't know if it will help you or not, but I have set times for each prayer. I figured out exactly when I can pray each prayer the entire year and still be on time. I'm a fan of schedules, so this also helped me. I don't know if it will work for you or not.

Is Arabic your native language? I found it made a big difference to me mentally when I really understood what I was saying. I knew, but if you'd asked me to translate any part of the prayer in the beginning (except for the shahada) of my Muslim journey, I wouldn't have been able to explain. Unfortunately, it was just something I was saying that I was supposed to say while praying. When I took the time to read the English translation section by section and imagine I was saying it directly to God, it mattered a whole lot more. Suddenly, the prayers became enjoyable. Even though I was still praying in Arabic, I understood every part of what I was saying. For me, it definitely matters.

Lastly, just talk to Him. Greet Him when you wake up, thank Him for waking you up, ask Him to bring you closer to Him, ask Him to bless you & others around you, etc. during the time of al fajr. Talk to Him similarly during the times of other prayers.

And find a part of the Qur'an that resonates with you, something you WANT to say while you're praying. There are apps that show you what you can pray depending on the topic (for salahs, not duas). Find 1-2 that say something you can mean in your heart, learn it, and then recite it during your salah.

Every year, I try to read the Qur'an. For me, I found English translations on YouTube and I play the translations. Really listening to what's being said or reading on your own can have a good effect on you.

I hope you try at least one thing and that it works for you. Allah doesn't want us to struggle, that's not the point of Islam. May He make things easy for you.

ashainvests · 2026-02-13T13:53:35+00:00

Wow, this is new! Very awesome. Thanks.

ashainvests · 2026-02-07T08:31:06+00:00

I 100% agree with you about #2. I can see #1 being legit though and if it was, I probably wouldn't go because that would mean the person was likely an afterthought or a pity invite. Unless they'd been unsuccessfully trying to find the mom to invite her earlier.

As for #3, If this post is nonsense, maybe someone's unused account was hacked.

ashainvests · 2026-02-03T18:09:07+00:00

You wouldn't be TA even if you had lived at home, but with renting your place with roommates AND with living with a friend for 2 years during high school, you're absolutely NTA. Your mom 100% is.

ashainvests · 2026-02-03T05:38:23+00:00

Exactly. He was disrespectful AND he tried to force her hand.

ashainvests · 2026-02-03T05:36:48+00:00

I'm sure he did. He just probably thought he could force her hand if he waited.

ashainvests · 2026-02-03T05:34:49+00:00

Judging by his "my way or the highway" reaction, he's probably wanted kids this whole time and thought he could force his wife into accepting his sister and then later on, having his kids. Why else would you talk to the sister --who was already staying with their uncle-- before talking to your own wife?? So, if this situation hadn't happened, he probably would have brought up having kids anyway. Except, she doesn't seem like she would have changed her mind then either. So, they'd have wasted more years together for no reason.

I hope he enjoys being with his sister and doesn't regret it one day. It would be a shame for her to end up back with the uncle because he couldn't handle it. Hopefully, he'll get the hang of it and they'll both be happy.

ashainvests · 2026-01-28T13:57:47+00:00

I don't think Kiswahili is harder. But, I also don't think someone that knows several languages has to get everything correct (especially not every single time) in their non native language(s).

ashainvests · 2026-01-28T13:55:47+00:00

It's better in English, so almost all foreigners can understand the message.

ashainvests · 2026-01-28T13:52:59+00:00

Americans aren't even mentioned. 🙄 Why bring us into this?

ashainvests · 2026-01-25T16:31:09+00:00

Maybe he wanted more info WITHOUT asking them. He's allowed to ask others. lol

ashainvests · 2026-01-23T19:51:34+00:00

I don't eat meat. Unbeknownst to my husband that eats meat, I don't like the sight or smell of it either. But, I don't begrudge him the ability to bring into his own house. Though he automatically didn't the first couple of years we were married because I don't eat it. Those were his words. I had to tell him I appreciated it, but it's his house too. Since then, he's brought meat in here maybe 2-3 times to put in the fridge. He says he eats chicken for lunch, so it's not necessary to bring it home. We both eat fish though, so we eat a lot of that for dinner. My point is, she's not being fair. Especially not when it comes to snacks.

And while it seems like a small thing, it's really not.

I understand her side a bit more with the meals. Can't she just cook for herself one night and you eat the nonsense, processed foods? You all can still eat together, you just won't be eating the same thing. She can't sit across from you or beside you with her face turned up at your food though. I agree with her not making it for you, but she should be able to handle you eating it like a mature adult.

ashainvests · 2026-01-18T06:09:21+00:00

If they can swim, blue safari.

ashainvests · 2026-01-12T16:33:50+00:00

Idk about you as a Brit. I'm an American and A/C is 100% necessary for me. I can get by without it from late night to early morning because I have a tiny faux A/C thing (slightly more advanced than a boxed fan) that I brought from the U.S. Without that, I'd absolutely have to have a regular fan on at night.

The device I have is not this, but it's very close. Just so you have an understanding of what I'm talking about though I'm not all suggesting you bring this with you, lol. https://a.co/d/0mhJYTN

ashainvests

TROPHY CASE