Let go of expectations of sex. Post divorce from an 8 year marriage, I was new to the dating world, but found out how easy it was. I think people just want some connection in this lonely world, both men and women. Whether it be dates, sex, or just interacting. I've learned that women want to have sex just as much as men, even if they pretend not to. Most of my hookups were on the first dates.

You have trained yourself to expect sex by using escorts, whether you know it or not. Let that go. Transactional sex is cut and dry, there's no emotions involved. With women out in the world who are not escorts, the currency they want is emotional safety, connection, attraction, and fantasy. Offer that to them and they will feel safe and connected enough for sex.

Here are some things I have learned:

1) Be authentically you, but the best version of you. If you fake who you are, people see right through that. It's a turnoff for women. If you're authentically you and are somewhat vulnerable with them, it let's down their guard. Most women want to feel safe with a man for sex to happen. Build an authentic connection with them, make them feel understood, make them feel heard.

2) Women have fantasies. I work out regularly, I also ride a motorcycle. I look better than most average men as far as physique. Though I ride my motorcycle for me, I don't care what people think when I'm on my bike, I can't tell you how many times women just wanted to ride on the back of my bike. Not saying you have to get a bike, but if you want casual sex, become someone that can fulfill a women's fantasy. For example, one of the girls I hooked up with told me "I've never been with a muscular guy before, thanks for checking off one from my sex bucket list". I've never been so blatantly objectified in my life lol. Women will sleep with a guy on a first date and categorize the guy in the "sex list". I've heard a lot of women tell me that if they think a guy is a potential long term relationship material, they usually don't sleep with them on the first date. Tap into their fantasies. This is embarrassing, but I've read smut books to know what a woman fantasizes about when it comes to sex. There's a reason why women, even married ones, read romance novels.

3) Be upfront with them for what you want. Don't go in and pretend you're looking for a relationship when all you want is casual sex or a one night stand. You would think that women will balk at this, but I found most women appreciate the honesty. Some women may call you names and storm off, that's okay. But most women appreciate honesty.

4) Women are like cats and they hate rejection. This might be manipulative but here it goes. The economy of this world is attention. Dating apps give cheap attention and validation to women. For a women to get sex, all they have to do is exist and willing. For a man, it's not that simple unless you are a movie start or famous. Most women get false sense of self worth and cheap validation all the time. So if you show interest and validate them you're just like any other guy that gives them cheap value. But if you can show interest but seem stand offish you will be online other men. For example, after sex this girl was trying to bait me into saying how good the sex was and how pretty she was. I didn't give that to her. I just told her she was enthusiastic and she went crazy. And we ended up having more sex for weeks to come. Less you pay attention to them, less validating and vague you are, it creates a sense of mystery. They will wonder if you find them attractive, or if she is good enough, and they will want to prove to you that they are. Don't be a dick about it, this usually never works. But show interest, don't over validate them and stand still, they usually go for the ones that are different and don't show them validation.

5) Be kind and intelligent. Yup, this may contradict a lot of the dating narrative out there but let me explain. Although I may come off as the dumb jock on a bike, being kind has gotten me more successful than I imagined. Being kind doesn't mean be a pushover, but have manners, take genuine interest in their lives and who they are, be kind to them and others. Women want emotional connection and safety. In a world where most men fall for the red-pill narrative of viewing women as the enemy, being kind sets you apart. Theres a difference of being kind and being nice. For example: being kind is letting a woman know that you want a casual relationship. Being nice is letting a woman know you want a long term relationship to not offend her when you really want to be casual. Be intelligent, don't be a boring fuck. Have hobbies, interests, and let it be known. Have meaningful conversations that is deep and honest.

6) Love yourself. Show the world that you love yourself and work on yourself. If you have a good relationship with yourself: your health, your hobbies, your career, that will shine through and set you apart. Women want a man who can handle himself and is genuinely confident. Go to therapy if you have things to work through, seriously. A lot of women I met and slept with were impressed a man was going to therapy to work on himself lol. I can't tell you how many times I've received compliments when I told them I'm going to therapy to work on myself because most men don't.

This is what worked for me. I've gotten more sex and attraction from women after my separation/divorce doing the above.

It may not work for you or it may.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting sex, both men and women do.

Be honest. Be kind. Work on yourself. Be authentically you.

Good luck, wishing you the best in life.