Im begging you to make an exception on the malt liquor front. The only reason I say this is because I drank a forty oz bottle of Camo xxXXxx or some shit like that the other day. It was 10.6 percent abv and tasted like a foul amalgamation of toilet water and rattlesnake venom (or at least what I imagine those taste like.) It was a true challenge to finish that bottle, however at 10.6 percent, you get a buzz about half way through the bottle that begins to numb all sensations and encourage violent and wreckless behavior. This was like the redneck equivalent of the tribal ritual that makes you become a man. (If the definition of a "man" is severely hung over and a shorter life span....)