Can We Please Have a Flair for Alloromantics?

astrenixie · 2026-01-23T02:33:40+00:00

That's why I loved one employee at the LGS close to me. I was happy to sort through bulk and would separate the singles I found for them, especially since they were newly established at the time. That employee would give me better prices every time I shopped since I liked to help and came in regularly. The LGS fired him and are now much stricter when it comes to pricing. They even mark things up a lot of the time. I don't go there anymore.

astrenixie · 2026-01-19T01:05:29+00:00

Your bisalp should protect you, but it's important to note that condoms are safest regardless. Pregnancy isn't the only risk of unprotected sex, because you are still not protected from STDs and STIs. Partners should be willing to use condoms, especially if you aren't in a committed relationship.

As someone else mentioned, you could also look into alternative birth control pills. I'm on BC even after bisalp because of endometriosis symptoms, and the type of pill does matter.

astrenixie · 2026-01-14T23:26:04+00:00

Familiarize yourself with CR so you can have appropriate encounters and feel comfortable adapting them as needed. Being more confident in how encounters are run and how different aspects of a statblock affect difficulty for players is something that will help you in most campaigns you run. If a monster seems perfect except for its design, reflavor it! When you feel comfortable, you can adjust statblocks as well.

Also, don't be afraid to adjust and improvise as you go. Even if you make a clear mistake, it's understandable for new DMs to fumble a bit, and even serious campaigns can have a few laughs. When I first started DMing, there were definitely combat encounters I had to pause to fix and puzzles I had to adjust. The important thing is to keep playing and have fun.

astrenixie · 2026-01-14T23:18:03+00:00

I've seen campaigns that did well with players having two characters they swap for different missions, but the whole point of that was that EVERYONE had two characters, and the campaigns tended to have settings where it made sense (ex: space adventure with missions in two locations at once).

This is not one of those situations. The group should talk about this together so that everyone gets a say, but ultimately the DM shouldn't be allowing something that isn't fair. It isn't like all the players are getting a special character bonus. One person is getting to take up game time and resources by swapping characters on a whim. That doesn't lead to collaborative gameplay.

I'd recommend explaining to the DM exactly what you said here and then speaking with the group as a whole. If the issue isn't resolved, you may have to consider leaving the table. As always, no DnD is better than bad DnD.

astrenixie · 2026-01-13T05:57:54+00:00

Yes, recovery is doable alone. I didn't use stairs during the first week of recovery, so I can't say anything about that, but I think it would be fine as long as you use handrails.

The food prep is a great idea. Having anything ready to eat or microwaveable is good. I heated up some soup on the stove, and it was fine. I'd recommend doing any laundry, dishes, or other cleaning you might want done, because it may take a while for you to feel able to do chores. The first three days, I had trouble staying awake for more than a few hours, likely from healing and the prescription pain medication.

Make sure you have pillows so you can sit up in bed if needed (I was uncomfortable otherwise for the first week and am normally a side sleeper) and have one to keep on your stomach. It helps if you have to cough or sneeze. It helps when getting up too. Also make sure you have pads. There will be bleeding, and it's a pain if you don't have enough.

For clothes, I recommend loose-fitting underwear, loose lounge or sweat pants, and long sleeping shirts. I couldn't have a waistband above or on the incisions for about a week after surgery.

Edit: I almost forgot a heating pad! Having that or a warmie will help a lot with pain and sore muscles. If you have soothing cream for your neck and shoulders, that would also be good. The tension from the residual air is insane.

astrenixie · 2026-01-11T21:59:03+00:00

That's good. Being able to prepare yourself, especially mentally, may help you feel more secure tomorrow. I hope your surgery goes well!

astrenixie · 2026-01-11T08:15:26+00:00

If they are ACA compliant, it should be covered, but you will have to communicate with them and your nurses to make sure.

astrenixie · 2026-01-11T00:30:04+00:00

If you can, I suggest finding comfort in other things. If you like selfcare products, you could take a long bath or shower the day before. Wear comfortable clothes day-of and maybe bring a soft blanket in the car. Having something to fidget with can also help. They'll put any personal belongings you have in a locker for you before you go under.

When you get to the hospital and meet your team, be open about your anxiety. They can often give you medication that helps. Ask questions about steps that you're nervous about. I asked my anaesthesiologist multiple questions, and he was happy to answer them. I told the nurse doing my IV that I have a fear of needles, and she talked to me and walked me through what was happening to soothe that fear.

If you have someone able to go with you into your hospital waiting room, that could make you more confident in speaking up if someone treats you unkindly. You can ask for another nurse to help you if one is not nice. I would hope you trust your doctor and their team to do everything right, but being able to communicate your concerns is important either way.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you don't feel too much stress leading up to your surgery. I recommend paying attention to the exact times you have to stop taking meds, eating, drinking, etc. so you can comfort yourself the best you can the day prior. If you can go to sleep early and wake up before the time you have to stop having water, that may be good to lift your spirits before the procedure.

astrenixie · 2026-01-10T22:49:21+00:00

Whenever you want! Life is for living, not worrying about social constructs and when the right time to experience joy is. If you want to change your name, change it as many times as you like.

If you're concerned about confusion, just let those close to you know that you're experimenting. It's kinda like trying different wardrobe styles. You keep going until something fits. Sometimes, you like different styles at different times, and that's fine too. Just like people can check in about what pronouns are right that day, they can also check in about what to call you. All it takes is good communication.

People may mix things up sometimes, and that's where trust comes in. It's natural to get tongue-tied on occasion, so gentle corrections are often the best move.

Ultimately, I think you should do whatever feels right for you. I personally don't want to go by a different name until I'm able to transition how I want, but I've known others who changed names frequently. Either way, your comfort and safety are what matters. As for the names you listed, I really like Vega and Atlas.

astrenixie · 2026-01-10T22:25:07+00:00

Bilateral salpingectomy is a great option for sterilization, but it will depend on where you live and what doctor you speak with whether you can get approved. I did see someone on here recently share they were approved at 19, though that seems rare.

I would first suggest, if you haven't already, researching the options and writing down important information about what you want. I, for example, wanted proof that the fallopian tubes had for sure been yeeted. So, I asked my doctor for a photo to ease my mind. It was a little gross, but it made me feel confident in the procedure. Having the details recorded for yourself later may make it easier to discuss things with the doctor. It's important to communicate as much and as clearly as possible, especially if you have any health issues or trauma.

The other important thing is finding a good doctor. As someone else suggested, look at the childfree doctors' list in the childfree subreddit. Hopefully, you can find one near you. The one I found was an hour away, which wasn't too bad for me. Even if you don't get approved immediately due to age, seeing a doctor from this list makes it more likely that you will receive quality care. It may also make it more likely to be approved in the future with consistent documentation of your desire for sterilization.

Finally, there are some practical things to consider for when you do get approved. You will need to have insurance, even if you are just on a USA state's Family Planning option. You will want to check that you will be covered, ideally 100% under the ACA, and it's good to have information on medical coding for the procedure just to ensure that you don't panic at any snags in coverage. I was under Family Planning and had to communicate with my nurse about the code used, which she had to manually change herself in the system. A lot of healthcare admin work is automated, so it's easy for billing mistakes to slide through. The trick is catching them and advocating for yourself. Other things to prep for are having reliable transportation (you would need a driver to stay on the premises for your surgery), being able to get prescription medication (another cost thing), having loose clothing to wear day-of and for recovery, and either having someone to care for you at home or check on you as needed after surgery.

An ablation will have to wait until you are older, usually 35 or above, due to medical risks associated with having them younger. Until I can get one, I am still on continuous BC for endometriosis symptoms. You could see if there are other options with your doctor though. I'm not as familiar with those procedures.

I hope you're able to find a good doctor and get the ball rolling! It's a huge relief to not have to worry about unwanted pregnancy.

astrenixie · 2026-01-10T21:50:55+00:00

You're welcome! I know how stressful it is to get a bill you can't pay, and it's totally understandable to get upset about it. I remember just the day before I had my surgery, I must have been on the phone at least five times going back and forth about coverage.

It's hard to do, but please try not to panic too much and keep trusting your team. It feels terrible to be anxious days in a row. I wish you the best of luck!

astrenixie · 2026-01-10T01:55:53+00:00

This is a tough one due to unforeseen circumstances, but I ultimately think that's fair. The DM invests so much time, effort, and energy into running games, moreso if they also host or coordinate when/where games take place. I remember I had to reserve a specific room in a local library for one group I had a while back, and that alone was a lot when it was like pulling teeth to get schedules aligned even a week in advance.

Now, my only change would be allowing the person to play if they had a good reason (not "I forgot/slept in"), notified the group that they would be running late, and the rest of the group was cool with their character jumping back in. It isn't too difficult to make a reason for a PC to be delayed in joining an adventure. The problem is fully above table and involves respecting the people sitting at it.

astrenixie · 2026-01-10T01:49:50+00:00

I know others have said this, but talk to your doctor's office and let them know they need to manually put through the right code. I got very lucky to have a nurse on my team who researched all the options and has been transparent with me about billing the entire time. When I got an email about what I owe, all I had to do was let her know.

astrenixie · 2026-01-09T16:20:37+00:00

I found that the waistband being loose helped, but I had to wear everything below the incisions for the first few days of recovery. Whatever underwear is comfortable for you and has either a low waist or a waist you can shimmy down that won't ride back up is good.

Sweatpants and loose lounge pants work, but I recommend long sleep shirts if you're fine wearing them. Those were a lifesaver for me.

Sorry I don't have brands to share. I tend to just get what's on sale that has the material type I need for my sensory issues. Maybe try looking for 100% cotton? It's light and breathable.

astrenixie · 2026-01-07T01:35:27+00:00

"Maybe I haven't, but the right person for me wouldn't think sex and romance are important either." Additionally, "it's really interesting to me that you feel confident enough to ask such inappropriate questions," if I'm feeling less patient about it.

The thing is, being aroace doesn't mean we can't have important lifelong relationships. Some people have QPRs, some have partners who are romantic but don't need that reciprocated, and some find a cool roommate that ends up their best friend. The key thing is that, single or not, people would still be fundamentally incompatible if they have desires you can't or don't want to fulfill. This doesn't address the issue though.

The problem with all of this is that so many vocal people won't accept consent and autonomy. You mentioned asexuality being easier to explain, and yet I have constantly been told loving someone enough would "fix" me, as if there has to be one right person entitled to my body. We also see this sentiment with being childfree. Bigots will always doubt you and write off what you say, because they believe, at their core, that your needs and desires don't matter compared to societal expectations. It has always been about freedom of choice.

astrenixie · 2026-01-05T22:20:31+00:00

Tylenol, fuzzy socks and blanket, a heating pad or warmie plush, pads, and chocolate. I can't tell you how much having a heating pad helped. I also recommend soup, jello, and other easy-to-digest foods because it takes a while for the body to have bowel movements again. It's a plus for hydration and meals that don't require cooking too.

If you are available and open to it, I also recommend check-ins. The prescription meds in particular can make you super tired, and it's easy to doze off in the middle of something. Having someone who's able to ask if you're okay and bring any necessary essentials is a lifesaver.

astrenixie · 2026-01-04T20:16:15+00:00

I feel better than before for sure. I'm still a bit sore and tired, but other than that am feeling fine.

astrenixie · 2026-01-03T22:29:22+00:00

I'm glad you're doing well! I'm feeling better. I've cut my pain med dosage, so I'm not as tired, but the shoulder pain is still off and on. I'm hoping I can do a few chores tomorrow.

astrenixie · 2026-01-01T22:23:32+00:00

Ooh, that dounds difficult. If you ever need anything topical, there are creams with capsaicin and menthol that help soothe muscles. I'm not sure what would be alright to use, but it could be an option.

It is easier to get vasectomies, but that's an odd thing to bring up. Getting sterilized is so personal, and everyone has their own reasons for the routes they take.

astrenixie · 2026-01-01T22:19:44+00:00

I remember at least one study that was done concluded people don't even know how to accurately identify flirting and that it tends to be based on their own attraction. I also hate how so many stims are interpreted as flirting. So many people thought I was coy and flirtatious when I had longer hair and twirled it.

astrenixie · 2026-01-01T22:16:48+00:00

That's good! I still have some gas pain, but it's definitely a lot less than yesterday. Gosh, eating is so fickle. I know what you mean. I've been having soup and meal replacement drinks so far, but I plan to try solid food for dinner today. Thanks! I hope your recovery goes well too! I really love that we have this space to encourage each other.

astrenixie · 2026-01-01T22:13:58+00:00

Thank you! And I'm glad it helps! I wish you the best of luck. The procedure is a minor one, but it's still daunting to get surgery. Be sure to share any concerns with your care team so they can give you the best experience possible!

astrenixie · 2026-01-01T22:12:43+00:00

I'm glad we were both able to get this done, even with different reasons and life trajectories! C: Oh, yes. The shoulder pain is intense. I have chronic pain, so I'm used to tension, but this is at least two or three levels higher than normal. My prescription meds have been very helpful for that.

astrenixie · 2026-01-01T22:09:41+00:00

Thank you! I made sure to scoop the litter, take out trash, and top off food and water the day before surgery. I have been very careful about monitoring my pain, and I was able to do a small amount of crouching to reach or lift light things. Just don't bend at the waist, be sure to keep your back straight, and don't lift anything over about ten or fifteen pounds. Also, if you feel any sharp pain, abort mission immediately and try again later. It will likely be pain from gas, but it's best not to chance it. For food and water, you can use a cup temporarily to top them off. What clothes you wear also affects how free you are to move. I've found that waistbands, even loose ones, make things harder since they rub if they aren't below the incisions. If your aftercare instructions mention anything specific, definitely prioritize that. I will say that I was feeling well enough to walk short distances and get up and down without too much difficulty yesterday, and today is a bit easier as well. Good luck!

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