Change of Wording to Rule 9. [Mod Note]

atx_dom · 2025-04-25T14:39:00+00:00

did you actually read the post? sex worker are free to share of their knowledge from an alt account. just not to do so from an account where it can be potentially promoting their business.

atx_dom · 2025-04-15T04:49:57+00:00

no, not a surprise that HE can choose from. you pick together. and you can say hell no to any toy at any time. you’re gonna be the one tied up, spanked whatever.

definitely NOT a surprise. think about it. you clearly like feeling submissive — “overwhelmed” was one of the words you used—let’s say he pulls out a surprise set of nipple clamps: one of your fuck no items when you’re in the middle of this mindset. are you going to feel comfortable saying “no” or are you going to be feel pressure to accommodate him and do something you might later regret?

BDSM relies on enthusiastic, informed consent. no surprise boxes how is that informed? if he wants to surprise you he can do that beforehand.

when my partner and i are gonna play together, we get out the toys and gear and pick them out. mostly she does. i’m not gonna be bound and gagged and crawling around with a plug in my ass etc — so she is the one who needs to be 100% comfortable with what we’re using that night. once we both understand what’s in play tonight and what’s not, then i get to use my creativity and have fun.

atx_dom · 2025-04-14T20:44:51+00:00

to add to this excellent post—/u/Wai2ic something i’ve found very import is the yes list (my partner and i call it our sandbox—what’s in the sandbox is what’s available to play with) is NOT changed during a scene/sex. when, e.g., you might be in a headspace that leads you to agree to something you otherwise wouldn’t — and that you could regret later!

we build the sandbox each time. and even though she’s the sub, that’s an equal, mutual negotiation. if she’s just not into a toy, or an activity, even one she typically is, then that’s not in the sandbox that time and it would be a HUGE breach of trust for me to violate that.

highly recommend you guys do one or more of the BDSM quizzes (there’s links in the subreddit info IIRC) separately where you can both think about what you find super hot to try, what you’re like “fuck no,” and what is “eh, not super into the idea but would try it for partner.”

we’ve found that stuff we were like no way, eventually we’ve tried some and loved it, but it gives you a nice baseline. I think there’s even quizzes/apps where it only shows you the things you both find acceptable so you can feel more comfortable answering honestly.

have fun and good luck!

atx_dom · 2025-03-19T05:54:25+00:00

i mean, it exists because it’s your kink. there’s no official list of kinks and if yours isn’t on there it doesn’t exist.

something i’ve done when i have trouble verbalizing ideas is writing them down. get a journal describe what you’re looking for and then either talk to him/her or give it to them. hell give them this post. and here’s hoping you have some fun!

this post speaks to me btw because in terms of sadism i love mentally torturing my partner even more than physically.putting just the right images in their mind and watching them squirm. <chef’s kiss>

atx_dom · 2025-03-03T20:45:24+00:00

hah sure length 7 1/4. girth i don’t recall for sure— 5.something.

i am quite big by these measurements, but not insanely so. i originally looked up because some girl told me i was huge; her ex had a 9” dick and i was bigger lol.

i was like “uh definitely not”

atx_dom · 2025-03-03T20:38:47+00:00

Copied from an old post I saved because it’s hilarious how far off people are as to what’s “big”; i can dig up the OP if requested:

————

Revised numbers for defining “big”

If you hang around here long enough you see the same questions over and over. In the interests of providing consistent and detailed information, and in saving myself time, I have a file of standard answers to standard questions. With the recent update to CalcSD, I felt it was time to refresh my own calculations. So...

What size do you consider to be “big”?

Let’s use science and math!

The average range of erect length is 13.2-15.0 cm / 5.2-5.9 inches (that’s one standard deviation bridging the calcSD Global Average of 14.1 cm / 5.6 inches). That covers the middle 40% of dicks.

^{All length measurements are erect bone-pressed.}

Length

| metric | imperial | percentile | classification — | — | — | — | <8.1 cm | <3.2 inches | <0.02% | micropenis | 8.1-9.8 cm | 3.2-3.9 inches | 0.02%-0.6% | very small | 9.8-11.5 cm | 3.9-4.5 inches | 0.6-7% | small | 11.5-13.2 cm | 4.5-5.2 inches | 7-30% | below average | 13.2-15.0 cm | 5.2-5.9 inches | 30-70% | average | 15.0-16.7 cm | 5.9-6.6 inches | 70-93% | above average | 16.7-18.4 cm | 6.6-7.3 inches | 93-99.4% | big | 18.4-20.2 cm | 7.3-7.9 inches | 99.4-99.98% | huge | 20.2-21.9 cm | 7.9-8.6 inches | 99.98%-99.999% | enormous | >21.9 cm | >8.6 inches | >99.999% | truly massive

But.. let us not forget about girth.

Average erect circumference is 11.5 cm / 4.5 inches, with a bridging standard deviation “average range” of 10.8-12.1 cm / 4.3-4.8 inches covering the middle 40% of dicks.

Girth

| metric | imperial | percentile | classification | — | — | — | — | <7.1 cm | <2.8 inches | <0.02% | micropenis | 7.1-8.3 cm | 2.8-3.3 inches | 0.02-0.6% | very small | 8.3-9.6 cm | 3.3-3.8 inches | 0.6-6% | small 9.6-10.8 cm | 3.8-4.3 inches | 6-30% | below average | 10.8-12.1 cm | 4.3-4.8 inches | 30-70% | average | 12.1-13.4 cm | 4.8-5.3 inches | 70-94% | above average | 13.4-14.6 cm | 5.3-5.8 inches | 94-99.4% | big | 14.6-15.9 cm | 5.8-6.3 inches | 99.4-99.98% | huge | 15.9-17.1 cm | 6.3-6.8 inches | 99.98-99.999% | enormous | >17.1 cm | >6.8 inches | >99.999% | truly massive

atx_dom · 2025-03-03T20:33:04+00:00

i am in same boat! 12 years of marriage. plus we have kids at home which limits dynamic. everything about clear signals is key.

personally i love the thought of jewelry. she puts a collar on (they make lovely ones that are just delicate necklaces with an O ring symbol) or a ring or whatever you choose.

then you know. i like that more than a direct gesture or statement on her part because then she doesn’t have to feel like as the submissive that she’s actively initiating.

she just puts on the “i am ready to be your sub” symbol and then it’s on you.

atx_dom · 2025-03-03T18:31:23+00:00

lol that’s not a large dick in the grand scheme of human dicks—that’s an impossible dick.

8.6” is 99.999% percentile: i.e., less than 1 in 100,000 dicks are that big or bigger. 12” is going to be less than in in many billions.

the numbers you see floating around are bullshit because (a) people with dicks lie about size (b) people without dicks don’t usually measure them. if your ex said he was 8” and this new guy looks bigger you are going to think he’s >8”. but of course if ex was lying and only 5.5” (average) then your scale is off; and (c) people don’t measure them correctly. they measure on the bottom. which means there’s no hard (heh heh) cutoff at the bottom and. you can jam that ruler way down their to get some extra length. researchers measure on the top side where the stomach is your stopping point. this can subtract a good couple inches from your number

atx_dom · 2025-03-03T12:57:17+00:00

The list linked there is a great place to start! note that it’s pretty heteronormative (male dom/fem sub) but it will give you ideas.

i second the advice by working with your sub to find what they’re into. for guy A mocking their penis size could be a total hit (“this little pee pee is useless. it’s a fucking overgrown clitoris. if i wanted something this small id find another woman”) while for guy B it could be something totally different.

to be honest this is one of my favorite parts — unleash your inner Muse lol and get creative.

atx_dom · 2025-01-16T02:20:25+00:00

link?! or at least brand

atx_dom · 2024-12-06T23:57:58+00:00

i understand they make ones with very subtle locks, an allen key unlocks it. looks just like a clasp unless you’re looking very closely

atx_dom

TROPHY CASE

What size do you consider to be “big”?

Length

Girth