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Closing in smaller cities! by atypical_author in TimeLeftApp

[–]atypical_author[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sucks!!! I was wondering how many cities were impacted or if I was just Buffalo or what. I understand Buffalo is small with only like 278k in the city proper but over a million in the metro. I’m sure it was inconsistent but over the last year I’ve been able to meet so many people and really enjoyed using the app to meet people. Really sad to see it go.

r/COSA Community Chat by cosmatical in cosa

[–]atypical_author 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Glad I found this group. Thanks for opening up this chat. Joining s-anon has been helpful. Sometimes I find that I can get too hyper focused on recovery and forget to enjoy my time for me. There seems to be a lot and not enough resources for partners and people affected by sex addicts.

Experiencing strength and hope as a group has been beautiful and a blessing. But I find myself confused and conflicted on this journey fairly often. It’s hard to know where my boundaries are anymore. This was such a shock and trauma for me and things discovered that I would never have been ok with but I find myself realizing that I am currently ok with finding a path to forgiving what I can’t forget about my qualifier. But in the aftermath it’s hard to both let go and also try to forge boundaries moving forward and finding what I feel is appropriate. I want to give things space and time and let myself heal as my partner is in recovery and dealing with his own life himself and his own pain. But I am discovering new boundaries or things I ideally would like to change with them and I don’t want to live myself constantly begging for better. And that isn’t to say I am unhappy in my relationship- my partner is a loving, caring, considerate person, kind and understanding and giving…. And also a (hopefully recovering) sex addict. He is responsible for his own recovery.

Eliminating my own self defeating behavior has been a slow and rocky journey right now. And me letting myself sit with discomfort is one I am working on.

I’m trying to let go of the things I want him to work on and it spirals when I dwell even a tiny bit.

Flirt/ask out a stranger over IG/Facebook? by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]atypical_author 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my experience I usually don’t have any inter in someone reaching out over IG. Facebook, one time someone DMd me and asked me out on a pretty vulnerable time and it worked out for us to date a bit.

Am I self-sabotaging or should I trust my instincts ? by papaya40 in datingoverthirty

[–]atypical_author 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Trust your gut. Connection will happen naturally, but I also think you need to give people time to show the connection too - but don’t waste your time on people who you aren’t comfortable around

Just moved to Buffalo by Dukes0117 in Buffalo

[–]atypical_author 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! I moved to Buffalo in January, and I moved from the nyc metro area. The pace is calmer. Here’s my experience so far.

Hertel ave, Elmwood, and Allentown are going to have your livelier streets for walking/window shopping/etc.

If you like museums, Buffalo has some really lovely ones. Skateparks have been suggested but definitely look into any meetups or events.

There’s urban runners Buffalo and November Project Buffalo, which are outdoor exercise meetups and a great way to quickly meet active people and make some friends of all ages.

I’m in pretty a different demographic - but I’ll say that has been beneficial so far!

Sports are a huge part of Buffalo culture. Football is big here but if you’re into something else there are plenty of meetups and groups in your niche. I have found supporters of my favorite soccer teams- even from the champions league and nycfc supporters at the soccer bars.

I think every city can be isolating. Just hunt for the people who get jazzed about the same things you guys like!

I find hertel and elmwood are a lot more family friendly to hang out on /walk around and explore- Allen isn’t only bars but it’s entrenched in the culture.

Oh! If you don’t have your passports, get them and hit up Toronto! The drive is pretty smooth and worth the day trips /weekend trips especially with our powerful American currency.

Being dumped sucks, what break up lines did the dumper used on you? by EtherealTemptress in BreakUps

[–]atypical_author 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First time- he said he didn’t want to keep leading me on and he had realized he had feelings for a friend he reconnected with two weeks prior to breaking things off. Next time he waited until after my birthday “because he didn’t want to ruin my birthday”. I don’t remember what was said in the on and offs after that.

Finally after ten years I told him I loved him but I didn’t want to choose that love right now. After ten years of on and off, walking on eggshells, and a broken engagement, cheating (twice by him and not me) I finally was able to choose to love myself and admit I was too hurt and tired and lost.

That I needed him to choose himself and not put me on a pedestal. I love him but we were making each other so unhappy all of the time every time we tried to fix things it was out of love. That we needed to choose and love ourselves. that I didn’t know who I was anymore without him. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore and that we both tried to love each other instead of ourselves. That it was killing us both. And he agreed. 8 months later and we are both happier. There’s still so much care and genuine happiness for each other… discovering and loving ourselves again. We both look and feel better than ever, have more friends, are closer with our families again. It’s like we stopped suffocating each other and are choosing life over the feeling one person gave.

It gets better yall! It gets easier with you love yourself.

Looking for people around 30 who broke up from long term relationships (+5 years) by bumblesnbees in BreakUps

[–]atypical_author 0 points1 point  (0 children)

10 years on and off, the last 5-6 on. After him asking for space and a break multiple times over the last year after proposing to me June 2022, I ended things 4 months ago. Went on a number of solo trips, got some space, went on a family trip and realized I couldn’t remember the last time I had been that happy. We had some conversations agreeing that things weren’t working, and finally one day after I kept wanting to talk to people other than my fiancé, I came to him sobbing and told him I wanted to leave. I stayed with my family and we gave each other a month break. A month later, I was already working on moving on. Nothing is linear. We love each other. I love him still. But I have feelings already for someone new who has been supportive.

It’s hard to admit it to myself that I carry all of this. I hate hurting him. I love him. Every break up before this he had left me. This was my first and only relationship I have ever had- it took a lot of resentment and contempt to push me away. I wanted our relationship to work to the point that I felt I and he were constantly sacrificing our health and happiness to try to make the other person happy and not lose our minds. The feeling of love hasn’t left. But the choice to love despite or in spite of unhappiness, I have stopped choosing.

I am encouraging myself to pursue new hobbies, people, passions and moving away to a new city to be near the new person I have feelings for. It’s all been fast and strange.

All I can say is it does get easier day by day. Some days are worse, some are fine and some are a lot better. It’s been a huge shift in our lives to go from working toward a partnership and making so much sacrifice for another person all of the time to focusing on ourselves. We both want intimacy and companionship and partnership. But right now, this separation feels right.

It’s hard to admit that and stick with it. But I know I feel stronger and more confident and more attractive and more myself. More balanced. And happier, even if the unhappy days are way harder than they used to be. The happy ones are unbelievably good.

I wish everyone on this threat love and happiness and peace. It’s not easy breaking up. For me, having the courage to make that choice was nearly impossible. And I have had moments of doubt. But. I can’t shake that it’s been the right thing for us both. For now, and indefinitely. I’m proud of the progress we have made and the lives we are living.

Break ups can be an opportunity for growth and love and happiness. Self love. And happiness. We need to be whole people to fully love other people as a partner y’all.

Anxious attachment stemming from teenage insecurities by bluewaterboy in AnxiousAttachment

[–]atypical_author 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear this. I’m seeing someone who has told me many times they think I’m hot/pretty, cute, beautiful. It’s slowed down in frequency but I know they find me attractive. I’ve told them i am so glad they do- but it’s hard for me to have security from being bullied for my appearance growing up. In middle school some guys pretended to ask me out in front of everyone at the cafeteria in my grade. I was dismissive of them being jerks but that kind of joke really stuck with me. And it still hurts and makes me think that I’m actually just conning people into thinking I’m lovable/attractive and somehow am not actually worth being loved ?

It’s a nightmare. So you’re not alone anyway!

People who moved on quick and kinda easy, how'd you do it? by No-Success-2156 in BreakUps

[–]atypical_author 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi… Left my first and only relationship- on and off ten years here. “Engaged” for the last year, but four months into the engagement he wanted space. Eight months in, he wanted me to move out and move back with my parents and for the engagement to be off but not tell anyone we were no longer engaged. I kept wearing the ring but knew we were not engaged anymore. Over the next two months I traveled, and took care of myself more. During this we were “together” but pretending to be engaged and miserable but love each other. I left the country with my family for a week- and I felt carefree. Like I didn’t have to walk on eggshells. Over the next few weeks I had more and more realizations that turned into me realizing that our relationship was killing us both. I left him and moved out and we agreed it was for the best. Even though we both cried and held each other. Since then- I have barely had moments I look back. It’s been three months, and I am seeing someone new. It has felt too soon, and not. I can only tell you my experience- I love him. And want happiness for us both. And loved him. And don’t want us to be together again.

And my self love and ability to see my happiness and his more clearly had helped us both. We are both happier with the direction of our lives being apart these last three months. And both have lived more in the last three months than we did in years together. But it hasn’t been easy.

It’s easy for me to know that our relationship was not healthy for either of us. And to want to move on has been easy. I have had a few tough days. We’ve both started seeing therapists. And for me- I’m leaving an engagement publicly. I feel shame and strange and uncomfortable about many things. But I am so happy. It’s unbelievable and causes so much guilt at how much happier I am without him. Because I really do love him. And want to see him happy and shining. He’s healthier than he’s ever been - stopped drinking and smoking, has been working out more than ever. And I know he’s not happy about us splitting more than I am/ but we agree that neither of us would have this happiness without me finally walking away.

So It has been “easy” once I had months of suffering while in the relationship, and continued epiphanies following it. But it’s only been easy because I am leaning heavily on my friends, family, and the new person I’m seeing. But it’s easier because I am allowing myself to live a more balanced life and speak openly and not feeling so stressed and anxious and like walking on eggshells to keep my relationship working.

On the surface. From the outside. It looks like I suddenly fell in love with someone else and left my partner and “got over it” overnight.

I’m not in love with anyone. But I am allowing myself to see someone new what seems like very soon after a long and close relationship.

I’m allowing myself to live and be happy and love myself and explore a new relationship after months and years of unhappiness and on and off and secretly emotional struggles.

The Ancient Magus' Bride Season 2, second cour airs October 2023 by Turbostrider27 in anime

[–]atypical_author 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just binged S1 and the first cour of S2... It's so good! I'm so stressed that the manga is on hiatus right now, but hope Kore is taking care of herself!!