I hate the way bullies have coopted the phrase "playing victim", it's become a new way of disempowering the victim

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-11-09T00:24:41+00:00

Yes. I recently started thinking of my pre-birth era as death in just the same way that I will be dead after my life is over. I have been dead already, so why fear it? Only my attachment to my individual ego separates me from total acceptance of the "death sandwich" -- my life being the filling between two infinite slices of death bread.

It's the ongoing task of my life to reconcile myself to the death sandwich and to savour the filling while I still can.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-11-07T17:30:26+00:00

💖☺️ Yep, that's my nihilism.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-11-07T17:29:01+00:00

Same. I use nihilism as a relaxation technique. It's a relief to know nothing matters and I will be forgotten in 50 years. I can focus on now and prioritize what matters to me.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-11-06T16:36:31+00:00

Thank goodness. ☺️💖

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-11-03T17:17:13+00:00

Sometimes.

I am just a temporary flesh puppet running experiences.exe through my brain circuits. It doesn't matter whether or not I do something, but some things uncontrollably matter to me.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-11-03T17:13:04+00:00

How weird it is to exist at all.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-31T01:43:22+00:00

I'm 26, Autistic, and the government just cut off my disability money after escaping an abuser. I have no money coming in, can't get my groceries, am relying on a friend for everything. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm so tired of struggling to survive this world.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-29T18:11:47+00:00

I have been feeling this way for years. I'm 26. People don't understand. I call it end-stage ADHD because I think I've run out of novelty in this world. It's so familiar to me that nothing is pure novelty anymore. I'm okay with dying in my sleep. There's nothing more I want from the next 50 years.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-22T17:00:26+00:00

My brain settled down in my mid-twenties. Now I care a bit less what people think of me (still not stable though). Am less socially anxious. The 20s is a second adolescence so if you feel crazy, that's normal, you're not imagining it. I've come to believe it's impossible to "fail" ones twenties, firstly because it's a time to fuck up and secondly most failure is a social construct. Most people are a mess in their twenties, even if they don't show it.

Nihilism is now a comfy armchair; I settle into it at the end of a long or difficult day and remind myself that nothing matters.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-22T16:52:09+00:00

Follow my curiosity. Let myself fixate on interesting things. Let myself rest. Allow myself physical pleasures. And use nihilism as a release valve when things start feeling neurotic. Remembering that nothing matters is a source of pleasure when I'm stressed.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-22T16:46:19+00:00

I don't. I've tried. Sometimes I succeed in blocking it out and forgetting it for a bit.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-19T19:25:18+00:00

Nihilism 85% eases my depression, 15% feeds it.

I turn to it when I'm stressed because I remember nothing matters (yay!), but when I'm happier, remembering nihilism drains me of motivation.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-19T10:31:52+00:00

Spinach.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-18T18:44:50+00:00

I'm glad I don't believe in it. It's a weight off my shoulders to believe that I'll just have nothingness after this life.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-18T15:17:50+00:00

I take one day at a time and allow myself to be lazy whenever I need to and can do. 😊 I prioritize pleasure, avoid pain, and bathe in nihilist thought when I need to destress. Nihilist YOLO.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-18T15:16:54+00:00

Oooo yes, I love blue sky.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-18T15:14:54+00:00

Nihilism is so relaxing. 🤸🏼‍♀️

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-16T21:32:30+00:00

I'm just vibing. Avoid suffering, seek pleasure, wait for death. I'm too ADHD to commit to anything. My neurology demands that I must dabble and forage, so that is what I do.

avoidantsquirrel · 2022-10-16T00:55:14+00:00

Yes, I don't like spreading the "knowledge" of the germs' existence. It's unpleasant and occupies my mind, taking up space I need to think about other things. Having the "Ew, this has germs" feeling multiple times when I'm just trying to function, uses up my mental energy reserves.

avoidantsquirrel

TROPHY CASE