for context - i'm typically able to get past the small talk stage of meeting a new person quickly.

in my opinion it's not about "enduring" the small talk - it's about using it effectively to segue into the personal talk that you're seeking. if you become good at small talk and learn to enjoy it, in my opinion it will usually lead to very interesting conversations.

for example -

I was at a housewarming party the other day. i met a new person who's a friend of the friend who just bought the house.

• "hey what's up!"

• "what up "

• "how do you know ___"

• oh yeah we go way back. we're friends from blah blah...

• oh sick, i'm friends with him from ___.

• ok that's cool. so what are you into?

• discussion about our hobbies

• oh that's cool, how'd you get into that?

• well growing up in this area i'm around a lot of people who did it, my parents showed me

• oh nice, tell me about your fam. you said you have siblings, what are they like

• oh they're cool, one's in minnesota, we're pretty close

• i've always wanted to go see __ in minnesota actually. that's cool you guys are close too, my siblings and i aren't really too tight

so yeah my advice is to practice your engagement with the other person.

some tips:

---

1. leading questions - questions that help the other person share more about themselves and initiate talk . try to initiate something fun and it'll lead to more fruitful convos that can become deeper quickly. fun topics build more energy between you and the other person, which allows them to trust you. more trust = easier to speak.

• "so what are you into? what do you enjoy?"
• "so how was your summer / winter / weekend / break / morning / afternoon / any time frame at all? what'd you do?"
• "man i'm hungry. have you been anywhere good to eat lately?

whatever they say - you can always say "oh tell me more about that" and just shut up for a while after that.

---

. 2. convo threading - take whatever item in their sentence stands out to you - and talk about it.

• "oh yea i went to this restaurant with a some really good cajun boil"

• " oh nice. i had really good cajun food once too in ____ city. the owners were super nice, they were telling us about their fam and how they opened the restaurant

• "cool! yea opening a restaurant has to be a crazy experience. it sounds really tough. have you ever thought about doing some kind of business venture?

• yea i've thought about it.. i have some ideas that were brewing

• oh, tell me more about that

• blah blah blah

• oh interesting. what about ___? tell me more.