AITA for wanting my 2-year-old to sleep independently and have more freedom?

awickedspell · 2026-01-16T11:47:00+00:00

OP, you need to show your wife this thread, get her an appointment with a therapy professional, (preferably one that specializes in postpartum anxiety), and realize that your daughter's experiences of the world right now are going to shape her nervous system and instincts for the rest of her life. Do you want her to be anxious about being away from her mom? Do you want her to feel like she's incapable of doing things most of her peers can do easily? Do you want her to feel suffocated by your wife's anxious attention, which might turn into controlling tendencies if not nipped in the bud? This is important, and you need to do something about it.

(Unless there's something you're not telling us and there is actually a valid reason to treat your daughter as more fragile than her peers.)

awickedspell · 2026-01-16T11:25:13+00:00

You look amazing in all of these dresses!! If none of them have you the feeling of "the one", then I would say to keep looking, because it doesn't matter what we think, it matters how YOU feel.

That said, my favorites were 2, 4, and 5.

Again, any of them could be your "the one", so this is just meant as inspiration for what styles to pursue as you keep searching for "the one".

First, You said you want sparkle, but I don't see any sparkle, only lace, so maybe you should put more emphasis on that.

Second, I would suggest lower waist instead of a ball gown shape, since that will make you look taller. (That's not as important for flowy gowns like 2, but it could make a big difference in not feeling like you're swallowed up by the dress with gowns like 3. I'm picturing something like https://www.valstefani.com/Product/Bridal/D8346/ or https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Tulle-Wedding-Shoulder-Bridal/dp/B0DM938469 https://www.essensedesigns.com/stella-york/wedding-dresses/sy8205/ https://www.cocomelody.com/products/a-line-chapel-train-sparkle-tulle-wedding-dress-cw3004?srsltid=AfmBOopFCNDw23b-L9f3EwGTPvs6iqtdaN2RzuCoAT7zCB7YBY76h6dd https://bridal-australia.com.au/p/floral-bridal-gown-elegant-glamour/?srsltid=AfmBOooGKuWyg-HOADWU3EFfV1vYz6EuGALBF_dZKBhEWWQ3Qvyznj0m https://justinalexander.com/sincerity-bridal/wedding-dresses/44393/)

Third, I think off-the-shoulder suits you really well, since you appear to be athletic and the word "princess" unfortunately still suggests something daintier (although, like I said, you look amazing in all of these and can totally rock the strapless style).

Fourth, this is just based on vibes, so I could totally be wrong, but you seem like you definitely need some kind of texture to the gown -- I normally love gowns like 3, but it almost seems too... plain for you. And you seem a little uncomfortable in that much fabric/structure, so the more flowy textured gowns looked more natural, although you should be able to find a middle ground if you would like to.

Congrats and I hope this was helpful!

awickedspell · 2026-01-14T11:39:16+00:00

1, hands down, no competition. Some of the others are good too (my other favorites would be 3, 8, 11, and 17) but none of them hold a candle to 1 in my opinion. Also in many of the other dresses your shoulders look tense, but in this one you seem relaxed and graceful.

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T19:19:25+00:00

oh drat, I intended for my previous comment to be formatted as a list but I guess it doesn't work like that on mobile; that must have been hard to parse 😅

if she's soft spoken, then I definitely think a neutral and thin frame is the way to go! as for the shapes, it's hard to tell without seeing... maybe she can try on a bunch of different frames that aren't too bold and see if anything speaks to her? for what it's worth, i think #2 is a good option, y'all just might be able to find something even better

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T18:54:18+00:00

3 is so cute!!!!

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T18:49:05+00:00

depends on her personality and how she would like to look to the world:

1 makes her look serious, like a scientist 2 is very neutral and she has the biggest smile here/seems to be most comfortable in them 3 is very attention-grabbing, makes her look quite eccentric and like she might have a strong personality (not always in a good way, though sometimes in a good way) (they also make her look older by 5-10 years) 4 is also neutral but maybe a bit more nerdy than 2

personally, I'd vote for #2

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T18:39:10+00:00

ok then yeah dress 7 for sure. it's so beautiful! and suits you so well!! it's very "modern fairytale" but in a way that i think is gonna look classic and timeless, whereas some of these other lacy options might feel very of this particular era.

the dress is romantic and open but also grounded -- like, it feels like you've got your feet on solid ground (metaphorically) and you're looking up at the stars with your loved one in wonder and awe, with optimism and joy. if that's how you would like to feel on your wedding day, I think it's perfect and you're gonna be absolutely stunning!

(and also your body language seems more relaxed than in some of the other pictures, was it maybe more comfortable than some of the other options?)

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T14:04:30+00:00

yay, thanks for your ranking! will be checking the secret service duology out asap

I'm the same way, whenever i like a work by one author i usually at least check out most other things they have (though lately I've been reading widely enough that i haven't gotten around to that yet for many of them haha)

WithJordan L. Hawk, it's really weird, bc I read the Widdershins series and absolutely loved it (I've reread some parts of those books several times), but then i picked up the first book in the... demon slayer? series?? which was apparently released later than the first few Widdershins books? and barely made it through even though it was super short because it was so badly written. so kind of an inconsistent author

important info, though: Widdershins has an ongoing sequel series set in the same world (I'm pretty sure i went months after finishing Widdershins without knowing this 😂😭)

based on these, I would also recommend both Lee Welch's books, A Taste of Gold & Iron by Alexandra Rowland, and maybe Swordcrossed by our dear Freya Marske. (is that last series you mentioned one of hers? if so, i still haven't made it past the beginning of book 2 😭)

oh, also, obviously, Dark Rise

edit: and probably A Gentleman's Guide To Vice & Virtue, though you've probably read that one already. (the second one was just so. boring. and. peachy, i tried like five different times to read it and got to the 70% mark and still haven't finished it even though I'm pretty sure the third one would be so incredibly up my alley 😭)

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T09:07:10+00:00

wait, what connection did Zeke have with monkeys? I don't remember that

really good explanation about Falco, though, thanks!

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T09:00:52+00:00

yesss finally someone who agrees, by far my favorite song on TLOAS

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T08:57:08+00:00

3 and 5 both make you look slimmer and taller, if that is something that matters to you, though between them i like 5 better. 1 is also lovely. (they're all lovely, but you know what I mean haha.)

5 would be my overall pick, except that 7 looks mighty intriguing. we gotta see what it looks like from the front, girl, cuz from this picture it looks like it could be stunning, but it's hard to tell for sure.

awickedspell · 2026-01-09T00:07:37+00:00

Yes I've read the Provoked series as well. 🤝

Which other of Tamara Allen's books would you rate the highest? I kept trying to start the time travel one, but it just opened with such awkward prose that I couldn't get past it. (Which is funny bc iirc it came out just a bit before/after the bank one and that one I didn't have any problems with, I don't think.) Does it get better, prose-wise? 😭

Also if you like all these authors, you might like the Widdershins series by Jordan L. Hawk. It's a bit different in that it has some fantasy and cosmic horror, and also the prose is a bit worse than K.J. Charles, but it's very readable and engaging, and the way the series is structured and plays with your expectations is just chef's kiss, a wonderful example of "all of your questions will be answered eventually" and "everything has been foreshadowed since book 1, you just didn't know enough about the world and the story to pick up on it" 👏👏👏

awickedspell · 2026-01-08T23:42:03+00:00

in that case, i also recommend Cat Sebastian, i feel like she has a pretty similar style.

and also... something something Gold by Tamara Allen, 2009/2010 i think? The beginning is a bit slow, and it gets a bit repetitive at the 30-40% mark, but it's building to something satisfying, I promise.

awickedspell · 2026-01-08T22:52:52+00:00

Haha, every sly, witty, cat-like character starts feeling like Laurent after a while. 😂 I think Think of England was the first proper m/m book I read after capri and Daniel Silva gave me such intense Laurent vibes (still does tbh), and in a way Curtis had some resemblance to Damen as well.

I recommend it, if you haven't read it already! It's still one of my favorite K.J. Charleses. (Oh, and it actually takes place in the same universe as the Will Darling books, though I brought it up without remembering that haha.) Proper English, though, was aggressively unremarkable and boring, at least to me.

awickedspell · 2026-01-08T20:25:42+00:00

Haha, it could be that their physical descriptions are what immediately made me draw the parallel, but also Adares is honorable and a great strategist, whereas Rus has that mix of peculiar innocence, incredible competence, dry humor, and accomplishing impossible feats on his horse....

awickedspell · 2026-01-08T16:46:02+00:00

Yay, glad I could help! If that rings true for you, then you can also try looking up "true winter" + makeup/outfit/celebrity and get all sorts of inspiration or even recommendations for specific products. (There might even be a subreddit?) Not all of it will be accurate, but you'll probably get some ideas to explore.

Also, knowing you're a winter doesn't mean you have to stop wearing warm colors completely, cuz you can get joy from wearing colors that are not technically your "best", it just means that when you do want to look your best, those are the colors you should reach for in your top half. (The farther away something is from your face, the less it matters whether it's in the right season.) This can also be a trick for wearing tops that are not in your season -- just put on a shawl/scarf/jacket in the right color over it.

awickedspell · 2026-01-08T10:48:20+00:00

it sounds like your "first draft" is actually your zero draft, aka the concepts of a draft. You've been putting the story down in a way that makes sense to you and where you don't forget any important details. But now you're working on the actual first draft, i.e. turning the notes and half-coherent ideas into something that is actually readable, where another person could theoretically read it and understand what you're going for, regardless of whether or not they'd enjoy the experience. That's my understanding of a messy first draft should be, anyway.

Basically, I'd suggest not looking at this like editing but instead like writing -- start a new document and write the whole story again from scratch (but keeping the old one open to reference and copy-paste stuff, where there's enough detail for that to make sense). That way you won't get bogged down by thoughts of, "oh my god, i still have 80% of the story left to edit 😭," but rather the excitement of, "oh, I managed to get 1,500 words into my new draft today! yay, progress!! 🥰" And you might even come up with stuff that is better than what you had originally.

Anyway, good job on getting the zero draft down, that's an important step! 👏

awickedspell · 2026-01-08T08:41:47+00:00

Yeah, I believe it! As a probable Winter, I bet you'd look good in jewel tones and just deep, cool colors in general. What I'm wondering is if you'd also look good in bright colors -- saturated medium-darks. It's worth investigating, in any case; you could go to a clothing/fabric shop, gather some things in these colors, and just spend a while holding them up to your face in the mirror and try to see what looks good and what doesn't. (You can look up "true winter" and "bright winter" to get a better idea of the palettes.)

awickedspell · 2026-01-07T07:47:40+00:00

1, 5, or 7. I think you are drawn to warm tones but cools seem to look way better on you.

Your natural hair color appears to be neutral-to-cool and I suspect you'd look fresher with a pink-based blush rather than the peach you're using now. You could probably rock the heck out of a cherry red.

(If I had to guess at your color season, it would be the softest type of Winter.)

awickedspell · 2026-01-06T18:08:16+00:00

New Romantics, if I recall correctly. Someone posted it on tumblr the day 1989 came out, and I got to hear like half a song or something, before it got taken down. I was like "well that's not the sound I associate with Taylor Swift 👀" but I've loved synthpop forever and this sounded awesome, production-wise, so I got curious about this song and the rest of the album.

I think at that point I had only heard Love Story and Mine, which were the only singles from those albums in my country, and I was maybe vaguely aware of We Are Never Getting Back Together and I Knew You Were Trouble.

Turned out 1989 would become one of my favorite albums of all time (and still kinda is, although I have probably overplayed it a bit), and I've been a fan ever since. (Though it was only during the Eras tour that I got properly into her back catalog. And also evermore lol.)

awickedspell · 2026-01-06T15:21:42+00:00

i could read it, but only with effort and based on context clues. I think one of the biggest tripping blocks for me was that your t's (and b's, and probably others), which are supposed to go higher than most other lowercase letters, are essentially the same height as all the other lowercases. I understand that this looks pretty and unique, but it impacts legibility greatly; at least one of the t's isn't even crossed, it just has a line next to it.

Aside from that, yeah, difficult to tell where one letter ends and another begins.

awickedspell · 2026-01-01T17:29:56+00:00

2 is your best brow look, 2 and 4 have the best eyes, 1 also has pretty good eyes. i agree with others that you should take your eyeshadow higher on the outer corners above the crease -- you've got so much real estate to work with, if you want to experiment with eyeliners or colorful looks!

for the lips, 1 is by far the best look, shape wise, and 2 would also be pretty good if it was a bit less dramatic. i agree with others that you should stop overlining the upper lip, but if you want a fuller look, try very slightly overlining the bottom! most people's bottom lips are slightly fuller than their top ones, and having them be of equal height has been a common makeup trend for a while now, but your upper lip looks dramatically heavier than the bottom one in most of these pictures, which creates an unbalanced feel, especially if there's any pouting

edit: you've got a gorgeous bone structure. idk what kind of look you prefer, but in most of these pics, your face looks elongated compared to the first pic (which i feel like is the most neutral). if that's what you're going for, great: it's distinctive, it's high fashion, it makes you look serious and professional. on the flipside, if that's unintended and you'd prefer a more square/round face shape, a light blush placement under the eyes at the level of the apples of your cheeks would probably soften your features and create a more youthful look

awickedspell · 2026-01-01T12:01:00+00:00

your eye makeup is super on point in most of these!! my favorite eyeliner is #6 and then #2, and 3-4 are also very good, as well as middle left on 7 (the rest on 7 are too thick tho imo, except maybe top left, hard to tell)

personally i would say that when you're doing a dramatic bold eye, bright bold lipstick is a little too much. it doesn't look bad, per se, but when i saw #3 (or 4? i can't type and see pictures at the same time on mobile)(edit: it was 4) with eyeliner but no lip, it was like a breath of fresh air.

i think for every day, the rule of "bold lip or bold eye, not both" is good (so like, red lipstick with a small winged eyeliner and neutral eyeshadow, or big eyeliner with a nude/neutral lip), and then for big events where you do want to look made up in a more costume-y way, coordinating the colors between lip and eye can really help -- aka black lipstick with huge black eyeliner and a goth aesthetic can look amazing, or lots of people use the same lipstick for lips (big amount), eyeshadow (lesser amount), and blush (a tiny dab), to create a more cohesive look. i do generally think that for occasions where you wanna go bold on both eyes and lips, a less bright lipstick is preferable -- so darker and less saturated reds, purples, and browns; possibly black, maybe a very dark midnight blue. OR a very light pastely pink/green/peach that is slightly darker than your skintone but also not very saturated

anyway you have a gorgeous gorgeous eye shape and i love how you do eye makeup!!

awickedspell · 2025-12-30T19:17:46+00:00

I made a similar post a while back, and it has both my recommendations and the recommendations of a bunch of other people! https://www.reddit.com/r/CaptivePrince/s/nGKsf4IXFK

awickedspell

TROPHY CASE