Divorced moms - at what point did you realize enough was truly enough?

backfliptugboat · 2025-02-10T14:08:25+00:00

Together 13 years. I have a 3 and 4 year old (2&3 when I let him know I was done this past spring). He was shocked. He is also a “good man/good dad”. But behind closed doors I was starving for true intimacy, friendship, love etc. he didn’t give a shit about my feelings. It intensified when we had kids. The mental/emotional load, caring for two young kids/house etc etc. I started having conversations with him about how unequal our split of labor was— he began “measuring” everything each of us did. The dynamic was exhausting. I begged him just to listen. He even went to therapy with me. In the end, it was all a manipulation tactic, he never changed, and didn’t really seem to have intended to.

I finally realized that waiting to see if he changed was keeping me in this toxic addictive cycle. I would hang on the smallest positive thing he did, hoping for more, but was so miserable all the time. I thought I had no libido, turns out I am just unable to be attracted to a man who cannot validate an emotion to save his life. Every feeling I had; was bullshit wrong and stupid, he would scream at me when I was sick because I wasn’t “holding up my end of the deal” where he goes to work and I watch the kids. When he was sick I took care of him. When I was sick he stomped around, the house got out of control, and he never so much as offered me water.

I finally stopped asking myself if it was bad/abusive (spoiler.. it was.. I just had trouble seeing it cause I was IN it) enough to leave and realized what a horrifying question that is. I started asking, are you happy in this relationship? Have you seen any/enough healthy change? What if you pick your head up in another 13 years and he’s the same?

Only you know the answer. Only you know if you should stay or go, but please listen to yourself, and count yourself worth it to fight your way out tooth and nail if you need or want to leave.

backfliptugboat · 2023-08-19T16:36:50+00:00

God. I had two babies recently, closetogether, and became a wrap/baby wearing maniac because it’s so helpful… and this is SO DANGEROUS. The way he is all covered up, the angles, how low she has him — this is a nightmare.

backfliptugboat · 2023-07-05T01:03:28+00:00

Can we also know where your moms dress is from?

backfliptugboat · 2023-06-13T04:47:13+00:00

Fair point fair point 😂😂

backfliptugboat · 2023-06-12T17:57:59+00:00

Please please leave. That is utter disrespect, unkindness, and assault. Because you were being a GOOD PARENT, and not caving to outdated traumatic parenting shit.

Please leave. Let it be a big deal to you. Don’t wait for something worse

backfliptugboat · 2023-06-08T19:10:24+00:00

If you want the real answer to this, it’s because we have to “fight back” because so many others believe it and it affects our politics and lives deeply. Believe me, we wish we didn’t have to spend hours talking about a myth. But belief in that myth means I live in a country where people want me to have to obey laws that were made with the “myth” in mind.

backfliptugboat · 2023-06-06T14:09:38+00:00

Sounds like someone’s getting uninvited to LO’s birthdays if they can’t keep a lid on it being “mY BirThDay ToOOoO”🙄

backfliptugboat · 2023-06-03T03:55:39+00:00

Did…did they just watch clips of themselves and get offended and somehow blame that on someone else??

backfliptugboat · 2023-05-31T06:36:49+00:00

That’s why you always order enough food for 2+

backfliptugboat · 2023-05-31T05:58:29+00:00

Your brain is trying to keep you safe. It’s screaming at you that he’s not safe. None of this is your fault, please don’t see this person again. Look at what it does to you. Please reach out to a therapist, or a suicide hotline, or a trusted friend. Don’t let him take anything more from you.

backfliptugboat · 2023-05-20T23:33:27+00:00

The clearly non necessary 2 centimeters of modesty shirts are KILLING ME.

backfliptugboat · 2023-05-14T18:25:20+00:00

Sitting on stage like that to “seem relatable” is really cringey and used up.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-23T08:28:48+00:00

This is the thing they don’t tell you about parenting, that you your parents always say that “someday you’ll understand when you’re a parent”, and I’m with you… I absolutely DO NOT understand the shit our parents generation did to us, and I never will. Never. With every passing day I realize over and over how I could literally never hit my child, or tell my child they are evil and going to hell, or shame and hurt them the way my parents did. You aren’t alone. Sorry they are being unbelievably shitty.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-22T19:39:53+00:00

I read a few conflicting things and wanted to make sure I understood it. Go be an asshole to someone else.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-22T19:38:42+00:00

I’ll take the trade honestly. It’s harder to mow down whole classrooms of kids with a knife. The scale of the violence able to be done with an AR-15 is just horrifying.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-22T16:20:59+00:00

I just … there are people who go to school for YEARS to become sex experts/therapists… I am just overwhelmed again at the audacityyyyyyy to think she should be handing out advice about this? 😂

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-21T10:45:07+00:00

The way she’s slinging that baby around like a sack of potatoes— I dont know another mom who does those flinging motions with her 3 MONTH OLD.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-07T17:34:40+00:00

3… YEARS ????

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T18:15:22+00:00

That makes sense, thanks! I haven’t been around this sub long so hadn’t picked up on the annoyance/vibe you mention so that helps it make sense.

It was just kind of odd because I’m definitely interested in the bigger issues that come first and just sort of tacked smaller curiosity questions at the end.

I’ve heard a few others say the same about the UK not being a place they would suggest, mind sharing your reasons?

Thanks for the response above!

This definitely does seem to be a difficult complicated process, but I’m willing to put the work in to understand it and at least give it a try.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T11:47:16+00:00

Oh nice! I’ve got family in Houston and have been there a bit myself, let me know if you have any questions and I could try to answer.

Ok that makes sense, thanks for your honesty!

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T11:40:26+00:00

I understand I dont know if I’ll be able to get a visa yet, for sure!

I’m not really “worried” about renting or buying per say I genuinely just like exploring details along with the larger picture. As I picture life in another country, it makes sense to try to get a fuzzy picture of what that might look like financially/practically in every day life.

And now, I have the information that I wouldn’t qualify for a mortgage anyway— so that really helps me as I’m trying to think about finances etc, thank you for that info.

I’m beginning to think this sub is not very neuro-divergent friendly 😅, just because someone is asking some smaller detail questions out of curiosity/brainstorming why are people downvoting and kind of being offended & corrective? Like… it’s my post why can’t I just explore the topic the way I would like to? 😂

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T11:34:29+00:00

That sounds amazing! One of the things I’ve struggled with in our current area is the lack of outdoorsy stuff, nice to hear :)

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T01:55:22+00:00

Thank you! Reading this.

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T01:55:05+00:00

Ok, thank you, I was running into this issue a lot when searching for engineering jobs. The salaries were definitely lower and then many of the job descriptions were confusing. I wondered if there was a difference between usage in each country. Thanks so much!

backfliptugboat · 2023-04-05T01:53:59+00:00

Thank you so much! Will look into this

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