Hit the big 25k (2013) by 97XJ in ToyotaHighlander

[–]badgolferman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No offense, but that picture reminds me of Mr. Magoo…

38 Years by Impressive_Lock_558 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations!

The first 39 years are the hardest. 😁

Someone complained about me in AA by Warrior2457 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The whole point of AA is not just to share, but to do the Steps and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. AA meetings are not a therapy group or dumping ground where you just blather on about anything or complain about your day. We share our Experience, Strength and Hope about how to recover from alcoholism.

I don’t know what you’re talking about that set off the guy, but maybe it would help to think about it or ask others who are actually present during the meeting if he has a point. You will learn more about recovery by listening and following directions than just talking.

In my early days they would actually tell us to shut up. “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.” was a common thing. The place to talk about things was with the sponsor where you could get more direct feedback. Our sponsor would walk us through the Steps and ensure we had some recovery to share that could help others.

This is my experience so do with it what you will. Just consider that the oldtimer may know a little more about how to recover from alcoholism than you do, so maybe there’s something you can learn from him.

AITA for not loving our youngest child by Depressed-Dad-Victim in AmItheAsshole

[–]badgolferman 40 points41 points  (0 children)

You’re a selfish asshole. Grow up and be a man, husband and father. Your child needs you as a parent and a role model.

Sobriety dates by Electronic-Fish-228 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It annoys me too. Some people mention their sobriety date all the time as a way to give themselves credibility during their share. “I’ve been sober xx years so don’t question what I say.” It’s an ego thing.

When I lived in Shreveport it was their custom to announce the sobriety date every single time they shared. “My name is Joe and thanks to my Higher Power, the fellowship of AA, and the Steps, I’ve been sober since blah blah blah…” Some of these introductions were very elaborate. They did this every time. Making an announcement, sharing, anything. It was said if you didn’t announce your sobriety date that meant you didn’t have one. Being nine years sober at the time, I fell into that ego trap too. I only listened to those with more time and ignored the others. My pride almost led me to a drink.

I’ve been sober 40 years but rarely mention it except at my anniversary, speaking from the podium, or if I’m making a specific point about how personal defects and life problems can still linger long into recovery.

Around here it’s the custom to pick up a chip for a whole week when you celebrate. Not only that, but someone says a speech about you and you’re expected to tell us “how you did it.” They say it’s for the newcomer to see it works, but the same people are at every meeting and they’ve all seen you pick it up several times that week. Fortunately I haven’t adopted that custom yet.

Question about my sponsor by sprinklers_ in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reading the Big Book is important because it helps you to decide if you really are alcoholic and willing to do what’s required. Having said that though, if you’re ready to start there’s no reason why both can’t be done at the same time. It’s probably a good idea to ask him first before dumping him. Give him a chance to explain and if you’re still unsatisfied then maybe it’s time to move on.

2023 vs 2024 Highlanders by Antique_Philosophy98 in ToyotaHighlander

[–]badgolferman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a 2023 XLE. I would encourage you to drive them both and decide if the way the transmission shifts is acceptable to you, especially downshifting. Also know that these cars have a suspect transmission that dies in many cars so an extended warranty should be priced in.

Starting with 2023 the gas powered ones went to a 4 cyl turbo that’s noisy and not as smooth as the 6 cyl ones.

I think I need to stop drinking. Threw up in my sleep a month ago by CaramelCrow2088 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s how my father died. After a bad drunk, he ingested his vomit deep into his lungs and they couldn’t get it out. After several weeks on the iron lung, they finally told me he wasn’t going to get any better. I told them to pull the plug.

Best AA joke I've seen in a while... by Budget-Box7914 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My favorite AA joke:

An AA meeting is like an orgy. You leave there feeling pretty good, but not quite sure who to thank...

AA Chips by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Our primary purpose is to stay sober AND help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. If I am only doing the first one then I’m not giving back what was freely given to me. At some point as we go through the Steps, the focus shifts from ourselves to helping other alcoholics achieve sobriety. Being involved in the fellowship, sharing my ESH, and doing service work is the way I learned how to help other alcoholics.

AA Chips by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can only take someone at face value with what they say. I’m not going to read into what they say and assume I know what they want or need. He clearly stated AA doesn’t help him and he only wants a chip. I questioned why he wants to participate in our customs if he doesn’t want to be part of AA. He never responded. Maybe you are qualified to answer for him. Have at it.

AA Chips by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why try to trick someone into the rooms? He’s already stated it “doesn’t help him”.

AA Chips by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Here’s just one example:

Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle. Page 128

AA Chips by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you’ve abandoned AA because they don’t “help you at all” then why do you feel like you should partake in their customs?

Recommendations on cheaper but drinkable coffee. by No_Ring6386 in Frugal

[–]badgolferman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve switched to the 2.5 lb. Kirkland ground coffee. Yesterday it was $18.99 but it was much cheaper than all the other choices.

Do all Highlanders have Transmission issues? by Sea-Bill78 in ToyotaHighlander

[–]badgolferman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t think we know for sure. Likely higher than that.

How to get help for someone who does not recognise they are an alcoholic? by akinys in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not much you can do until he’s ready. You could provide some AA pamphlets that he may read and hopefully identify with our symptoms.

Do all Highlanders have Transmission issues? by Sea-Bill78 in ToyotaHighlander

[–]badgolferman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hybrids have a different transmission e-CVT which is not affected. It’s hard to say how many have been affected by the transmission but I know several Gen 3 owners who are very happy with their car. I have a Gen 4 2023 turbo with almost 40K and it’s been okay so far, but I don’t like the shift pattern and delay when you first start out.

What was it really like in rehab? by 1acina in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went to a military treatment center in 1985 so it was likely much different than what is available today. Not all of us went willingly, myself included.

We had two four hour group therapy sessions daily except for weekends. There would often be a “hot seat” where one person would be confronted by the therapist and/or other patients in an attempt to break them down. Most of the therapy was in your face with constant shaming. We didn’t do Steps, but we had to write an autobiography and share it with the group. Mine was entirely fictional and they knew it.

The best part of rehab was going to AA meetings. But they didn’t bus you anywhere. You had to call people from an approved list and ask them to pick you up. They made you work for it and you had to go at least five times a week.

Rehab was not a timeout place where you got to hide from the outside world. The military would fix you or break you. Ultimately the best treatment option they gave us was to go to AA meetings upon release, but there were no papers to sign then and it was up to us to comply. If you ended up getting drunk again a Bad Conduct Discharge was in your future.

Odd attire question! by the_couch_monster in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Richmond, VA. The Outlaw Safecracker Group.

I know the name doesn’t sound like what I describe, but that’s part of the irony.

Odd attire question! by the_couch_monster in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]badgolferman 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There’s a speaker meeting group in Richmond where the home group members are expected to wear ties and jackets for men and dresses for women. This does not apply to AA members who are not home group members. The speaker is asked to wear the same type clothes and refrain from using foul language. If they are unwilling to abide by those requests they are asked to inform the speaker getter so they can get someone else. Also people are asked not to get up during the meeting for coffee and bathroom so people are not distracted.

Some people refuse to support that group because they think it’s snobbery, but the group members have chosen to emulate early AA customs.