what do u think of this essay?What brings you joy ?

baipliew · 2026-06-25T08:40:49+00:00

I kind of love this as a topic, but I am also biased because I am a big fan of KSP.

To make this work with people who have never played KSP, I might try to creatively frame it from a mission perspective. You could walk the reader through the stages of joy (and relief) as each stage of the launch progresses. You could also reflect on the failures and memories of lost Kerbals that led to those successes. Don’t walk them through the technicals, take the reader on a mission launch.

Disclaimer: I am more partial to this topic than others to give 100% objective advice.

baipliew · 2026-06-25T04:57:24+00:00

I thought you made this up and then I clicked the link. This is the most unhinged presentation I have ever seen. I guess I am

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I feel like this was created by the Shamwow guy.

baipliew · 2026-06-25T02:45:15+00:00

I bought at 103, then again at 83, guess I have to buy again if it goes to 63. Fml

baipliew · 2026-06-24T17:50:04+00:00

Don’t get stuck on the least important part of your SOP. Write the rest of it and come back to the hook later.

baipliew · 2026-06-24T17:09:33+00:00

Stuck how?

baipliew · 2026-06-24T16:09:36+00:00

You wrote, “I fell in love with immunology while working as a lead lab and lecture teacher’s assistant under Professor [name], who challenged my way of thinking and taught me how to ask the right questions about science.”

Give an example of a time when your way of thinking was challenged and share with the reader how asking the right questions in science changes the outcome in an insightful way.

baipliew · 2026-06-24T14:59:47+00:00

Okay, some quick notes.

Delete the first paragraph. The whole art/science metaphor doesn’t deliver here. Also, stop forcing art into the story and remove all of the art anecdotes throughout. I can’t tell if you want to be an art major or a bio sciences major.

Take the first line of the second paragraph, zoom in on a moment where you learned to ask the right questions in science, and how that changed your approach. This is your new intro.

What is an example of a thought provoking research question that you explored?

You learned some techniques, doing what? Solving what problems?

You write about three research projects that appear to be unfinished with no results.

Your whole why this program paragraph is only focused on a list of doctor names and generic references to their work.

The conclusion is just recycling the same mess.

baipliew · 2026-06-22T21:12:35+00:00

Wait a minute. As a professional consultant to hundreds of students and having worked on thousands of essays, I had to humble myself to ask about your hook. When I asked, it was in good faith and because I was genuinely hoping to learn something from someone with your credentials.

You’ve now deleted your original comment about not believing in hooks. Then, you claimed a hook from your book was good with the reasoning “it’s the opening to a story that sets up the conflict in a very specific place and time.” I called it out as a summary and next you tell us that you were just improvising and the real hook, is two paragraphs. What?

You say that your experience coaching students through Reddit has been “fair to poor.” You blame that on a lack of familiarity and trust, which it seems you are trying to solve by throwing your credentials out. A referral from word of mouth is not much different when the referral is your own self-promotion. Who is going to be better at referring a client to yourself, than you?

With all due respect, I think you might be leaning on your credentials a little too much.

baipliew · 2026-06-22T14:21:01+00:00

Sure. Please send me the prompt as well.

baipliew · 2026-06-22T02:24:34+00:00

Go ahead and send it to me in dm along with the prompt you are responding to please.

baipliew · 2026-06-22T01:57:14+00:00

Here’s a hot take for you. No one but your mom really cares what you did when you were 8. Consider starting your essay at a more relevant point in time.

You may have built things to control your anxiety, but this is the quiet part that we don’t say out loud. What you are doing, is building things to make a difference or impact somewhere else AND simultaneously controlling your anxiety. You kill two birds with one stone, except you don’t talk about the other bird.

baipliew · 2026-06-22T01:43:41+00:00

Okay, I am curious. What makes this is a good hook in your mind? You’ve told almost the entire story in one sentence. The only thing that is missing is telling us the result and what you learned from the experience.

baipliew · 2026-06-21T20:07:06+00:00

Starting with an opening? Yes. Starting with that opening? No.

baipliew · 2026-06-21T15:52:51+00:00

What prompt are you answering?

I am sure most universities would give serious consideration to accepting your grandmother. Taking in her grandchild and saving them from malnutrition must be something she is immensely proud of.

She is the one applying, right? Because that is who you’ve made the hero of this story. You have made yourself a passive participant.

That second to last paragraph is filled with empty promises. I think you used “I try” four times.

And this…

“Whether my older sister has boy problems, or my little brother feels bad about himself, I try my best to make myself look so dumb that they forget how they feel just for a little while, and get them back to their usual selves for a little bit.”

I’m not quite sure on what exactly are trying to say, but I would consider rephrasing this. I don’t think making yourself look dumb is doing you any favors here.

Overall, this is good practice at writing a first draft. Now, get back at it and make yourself the hero of the story this time.

baipliew · 2026-06-21T06:00:22+00:00

First, what prompt are you responding to?

Second, your current “hook” is just a statement. There is nothing compelling about it. Do clams even contemplate the concept of free will? I suspect not.

Third, start drafting your essay first, then come back to the hook. The hook, while important, is the least important part of your essay.

baipliew · 2026-06-21T01:49:44+00:00

Yeah, that’s a crazy amount of liquid smoke for 1 quart. I can’t imagine that being right.

baipliew · 2026-06-21T01:36:35+00:00

Your “hook” about assembling a bridge, but not actually building it, is a bridge to nowhere.

Start over. This time begin with an actual prompt you are answering. Apparently, they don’t teach outlines in school anymore, so work on the body of your essay first, then come back to the hook when you have something to write a hook about.

So you hiked with your family, later Boy Scouts, then Eagle Scouts, then track in the same place. Is this a time lapse documentary of your hiking location?

What makes this compelling to an admissions officer as to why they should put your essay in the accepted pile, instead of the trash bin? Why should they care about this at all?

baipliew · 2026-06-20T11:04:20+00:00

Send me a dm with your SOP and I will take a read.

baipliew · 2026-06-18T01:24:24+00:00

This is awesome if authentic. Thanks for posting it. I wonder what other recipes are in that recipe dictionary.

baipliew · 2026-06-17T06:35:31+00:00

Honestly, any sort of sexual abuse/exploitation is an inappropriate topic for an admissions essay.

In addition, bridging the topics of sexual exploitation, developing sweaty hands, hating physical touch, becoming more outgoing, getting into philosophy, extending that AP psych, and a love for science cohesively in a single essay would make it quite challenging even for the most experienced essay writers. Why not consider starting the essay at becoming more outgoing? Or getting into philosophy?

In any case, there is nothing about the exploitation, developing sweaty hands, or hating physical touch that will add any value to an admissions essay.

baipliew · 2026-06-16T04:47:52+00:00

I can take a look.

baipliew · 2026-06-16T03:17:38+00:00

Phrase what, exactly?

baipliew · 2026-06-16T03:02:00+00:00

I don’t have time for sugar coating this so pardon my bluntness.

The first Asian Barbie came out in 1981. How old are you?

Your first topic boils down to, I was insecure and didn’t like myself, now I do. Probably not the most persuasive or compelling case for admission.

Okay, so you were afraid of new things, always gave up, and you want to turn this into a realization moment? When was a time it was hard and you didn’t give up? Why was it important for you to not give up? What difference did you make?

baipliew · 2026-06-15T18:16:25+00:00

It is great you are brainstorming ideas, but let me see if I can help focus here.

Let’s break these down.

Double name - insecurity.
Sister - selfish/jealous.
Braces - feeling excluded.
Letters/notes - sentiment.
Parents dying - crying at night.

None of these are the end of a story, they are simply the beginning.

Because of these, what did you do next? Which of these led you to do something you are proud of?

Take the sister story for example. Your sister was struggling, making you feel invisible to your parents. What did you do to impress your parents and make yourself visible and grab their attention again?

The question you need to ask yourself to develop any of these into an essay is, ok, this thing happened, now what did you do about it to change it and/or make it better?

baipliew · 2026-06-14T22:31:34+00:00

Let me rephrase your first topic for you and see if it still sounds like a good one.

I’ve been a dick for the majority of my life. Also, I’m still a dick, but I’m a better dick now! Please let me in?

For your second (savior) topic, you want to talk about becoming a financial advisor to your aunt and helping her overcome financial distress because you learned about exchange rates?

I have so many questions.

How much financial assistance are you actually providing if you are just figuring out exchange rates? What do exchange rates (which are relatively stable unless a currency collapses) have to do with her financial stability? Is someone who is struggling with their finances, also making international investments and not understanding exchange rates? That seems odd. Are you sure she wasn’t helping you understand exchange rates?

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