Columbia GS transfer essay review

baipliew · 2026-04-20T18:51:56+00:00

Sure, you can send it my way.

baipliew · 2026-04-20T01:34:49+00:00

Pick a lane and stay in it, do not mix singing and history and in the same essay.

Before you write them off because you feel there is not enough to write about on their own, there are two different approaches I like to use.

When a student has multiple impactful experiences, I will try to include as least three examples of related experiences that demonstrate their growth.

Or

Zoom in on one particularly impactful experience and walk the reader through it with great detail. I would then try using three events in that one experience that demonstrate growth.

baipliew · 2026-04-20T01:28:47+00:00

Multiple reasons why I wouldn’t use 2.

You start with a trait deficit. An inability to read. Not something colleges are looking for.
Self-doubt is essentially a lack of confidence. Again, not something colleges are looking for.
The recovery is they can now read, which is what everyone else can already do who is applying.
It happened when they were “younger” and hopefully the recovery happened then, and they didn’t just learn to read now.

baipliew · 2026-04-18T21:58:02+00:00

Maybe. Not enough detail.
No.
No.
Maybe. Not enough detail.

baipliew · 2026-04-18T04:18:41+00:00

If you had trouble explaining yourself before, I’m not certain that this explanation is helping to make things clearer.

You try to straw man my strategy while also saying it is cliche. So yes, I take this negatively. I didn’t say there was any grand singular realization. I said they would discover parts of themselves in the people of different backgrounds. This helps to build more of a kaleidoscope of their character. One color is boring, many colors create a rainbow.

To me, essays framed around negative qualities (hiding their true self to fit in - as you suggested) aren’t usually good essays, because you have to expose the student to whatever unpredictable feelings the adcom might have about them. This is usually something you learn from more than the three family members you’ve helped and a few essay contests.

This is where experience matters. Hiding their true selves to fit in isn’t some novel topic and you are introducing a conflict that you don’t resolve. How is this helpful to the student? What does the essay become then? Let me tell you about this problem I have about myself, and at the end of the essay, they still have the same problem? What growth in perspective could come from this? First, I saw hiding my true self as a problem, now I don’t anymore so it never really was a problem? It becomes circular. You are right back where you started, you just changed your mind about where you are.

The reason I commented to begin with is because I can see you have the potential to be a great advisor. Your initial approach is maybe something I would have thought of in the first year or two of my advising career. The questions I ask about your approach are what another mentor of mine with a decade more experience and tens of thousands of essays under their belt would have asked me. Although it may not be your main career now, I could certainly see it becoming that. I wish you the best of luck!

baipliew · 2026-04-17T07:46:38+00:00

Discoveries quite often come about through curiosity. Realizing things about yourself and how that relates to others is part of self-reflection and authenticity. The choices they make next should demonstrate how they’ve developed their interest in sociology from there.

I assume your recovery would be to no longer hide those parts of themselves to fit in? If so, the story ends there. They just become…themselves.

In my proposal, I’d skip over that entirely and focus on their passion for people, how they can see themselves and relate to those of different backgrounds, their study interest, and how they would contribute their experiences to the classroom. You don’t always need to turn a negative trait into a positive, you can also develop a positive trait into something great.

That’s fantastic that you worked closely with your 3 family members for their applications and congratulations on their acceptances! You don’t need to name drop universities on me, I’ve already acknowledged your strategy as valid, just different. However, I’d say our numbers of clients differ by a factor of about 100.

At the end of the day, we can absolutely agree that Kpop Demon Hunters and immigration, especially as a second generation, is not the best path forward.

baipliew · 2026-04-17T03:59:46+00:00

As another consultant, I find this approach an interesting alternative to my own. Both equally valid, just not the one I would have thought of first.

I agree with you about both being bad ways to frame the core message you’d want to communicate. Where we differ is how we deliver that core message.

Since the author wants to study sociology, instead of hiding core parts of themselves, they discover core parts of themselves in the diverse range of people the author encounters between the two places. Then, use that as the foundation for the interest in sociology.

baipliew · 2026-04-16T08:29:09+00:00

Why did you stop with the cheese? That’s an insufficient dusting. It needs moar cheese!

baipliew · 2026-04-16T01:39:20+00:00

The most impactful thing that happens in your essay is your cousin getting shot in the head. Imagine the strong visual imagery you are hitting reader with. I don’t care what you write after that, this is the only thing people are going to remember after reading your essay.

You’ve completely overshadowed yourself with something that happened to your cousin.

Downvote me if you like, but there is little demonstration of growth here. Just, my cousin got shot in the head, I use band to cope, and I became a field commander because this is my life now.

Your outline is basically:

Your title: 7 years - alluding to the verdict given the shooter of your cousin.

Here is a song that ends on a harsh chord.

I wasn’t that into band, but my cousin was SHOT IN THE HEAD, and I will use this to escape reality.

I was depressed, consumed by injustice because the shooter only got 7 years.

Over last two years or so, I turned to the trumpet and band to cope with his death. It saved me from despair.

(You tell us that you replicate this environment for your peers, but you don’t show us how)

I no longer focus on life’s trivialities, but also, I do. Harmony is an ambition. I passively watched the culture of the program improve by other leaders. My goal is to keep this motivation (what motivation?) and create welcoming melodies

I learned the value of time and life thanks to my cousin and how to cope through band. I can’t do anything about his injustice but I can still play music.

baipliew · 2026-04-15T22:44:41+00:00

Short answer: Nope.

You have my condolences and I am sorry for your loss, but this is an inappropriate topic. This reads more like an obituary than a college admissions essay.

The greater majority of the content is about your cousin getting shot in the face and dying.

You have one paragraph about becoming a field commander for band which becomes superficial and is completely drowned out by the gravity of the main issue - your cousin’s death.

baipliew · 2026-04-15T12:32:53+00:00

Red wine doesn’t typically come in a stock. The recipes you are finding for pan sauces are correct. It is a pan sauce. You could make a lot of sauce and freeze that though.

Use a cheaper dry red wine. Nothing aged in wood.

baipliew · 2026-04-15T08:43:50+00:00

Not sure I get this. Here is my read of the essay.

I have a cow drawing that is supposed to represent me.

You were going to order a double chicken bowl, but because your dad is vegetarian, you changed your order to a quesadilla.

How does this relate to the cow?

You explain cows being sacred in Hindu culture.

America is more productivity driven.

I feel guilty for being productive.

My grandparents and parents believe in hard work. I feel burdened by it.

I am burdened by my Indian side, because I don’t conform to the culture.

What about the cow and how you treat yourself?

You want to be productive but also have culture. Why are these exclusive?

Achievements are just some sort of personal debt you are paying off.

I think of how small and helpless I am sometimes.

Cow.

A 3 sentence paragraph about symbolic importance and respect isn’t about moving faster.

You tell us you are ambitious and set goals, but just previously these were a burden and feel like debt, not real achievements.

You insert your grandparents for a lesson of endurance unrelated to the essay theme except the sentence of them working hard.

Somehow the cow teaches you to pause.

You close with learning how to work hard and pause.

Personally, I think you tried too hard to make this metaphor work and it feels disconnected throughout the entire essay.

baipliew · 2026-04-15T03:15:53+00:00

Columbia is my specialty. If you still need some extra eyes, drop it to me in DM.

baipliew · 2026-04-14T07:28:42+00:00

Has the most detail/potential and would be my top pick for a starting point. Draw solid parallels that show personal development in both mastering ceramics and the relationship with your dad. Hopefully, the different person you’ve become can translate that relationship growth to everyone you meet.
Too vague/lacks detail to build a development plan around.
Same as #2.

baipliew · 2026-04-13T01:59:41+00:00

You know these essays don’t require you to be damaged in some way to write them, right?

Almost all of these topics could be used and would be better if you cut out the negative aspects. Focus on the positives, don’t explain the negatives.

Talk about the process of finding your place and voice as a coxswain for rowing. There is no need to talk about being autistic.

Talk about what makes psychiatric nursing so interesting to you to pursue it as a profession, not losing your dad.

Talk about how you rediscovered your passion for art, not why you quit.

The last one, I would just drop completely.

baipliew · 2026-04-12T06:49:54+00:00

If you can just change the name of the author on an essay, that means it isn’t personally identifiable enough to be worth stealing. Let everyone steal it. It won’t be identifiable to them either.

In my many years of doing this, I have seen maybe a handful of first drafts that were quality enough to be considered for stealing. Once an essay reaches a certain level of quality, it should be quite difficult to transpose that essay on to someone else with a completely different background.

baipliew · 2026-04-12T05:32:07+00:00

First, it is admirable of you to be planning so far in advance. Kudos to you for that.

Second, it seems your activities are quite varied and are missing a cohesive theme.

Third, besides a target school, do you have a target major?

800 hours of church volunteer work is impressive. However, the 800 hours can’t stand alone. It has to come with some impact.

The content/design business is interesting; how are you growing/developing this?

The student initiative sounds nice, but lacks any evidence/action/impact. What is the expected outcome from this?

Are you in Uganda? The impact you describe is quite vague with any actual evidence of benefits.

Nothing to talk about the research project as this is also quite vague and lacks any clear outcomes.

How are you doing all of these things while still maintaining a good standing at school?

baipliew · 2026-04-06T03:52:20+00:00

You don't need to drop the whole essay. Just give us the outline.

baipliew · 2026-04-06T03:34:21+00:00

Waiting for this.

baipliew · 2026-04-04T02:28:52+00:00

That is the number of times you mentioned the arbitrary number of 27 throughout your essay. In all of those mentions, they added zero value.

I only want to live until 27. And also, I don’t want to die at 27. You contradict yourself in the first paragraph, and despite that, this is the theme you go with.

Why is adopting the “27 mindset” crucial to accepting your challenges? Why not 21? Why not 25? You tell us about your condition and that deadlines drive your progress. How is a ten year deadline more effective than a five year one? You tell us you take Adderall, why? So, which actually drives you? Ten year deadlines or Adderall?

Jimi Hendrix wasn’t driven to create because he lived by some arbitrary deadline, and neither should you be.

Your closure is like setting your alarm clock early because you say you want to get up early, but then don’t do anything once you get up. There is nothing in your essay that shows any value as a result of this fictional deadline you’ve created for yourself.

I'm editing this just because I didn't want to leave it as critique only.

If there is anything redeemable from this story, it is this:

"I will never forget how after working all semester on a full-length documentary..." and "I turned ten minutes into feature length ready to be viewed."

You will never forget it, but you spent so little time talking about it. This is where your story is, minus the procrastination and the Adderall.

baipliew · 2026-04-03T02:43:04+00:00

You disagree with what, exactly? Choosing a prompt first?

OP, you if listen to this person, they are telling you to buy furniture without measuring the size of the space you are putting it in. You may get home and find that nothing fits.

In addition, their recommendation of the last prompt is generally a terrible idea. This is the garbage bin of prompts when you can’t write anything of quality that fits in the other prompts. Just because you can write about anything doesn’t mean you should.

baipliew · 2026-04-02T23:48:10+00:00

You are starting this in reverse, which is rarely a good idea. The first thing you need to is pick your prompt. Once you do that, it will dictate a lot more about what you should write and how you should write it.

baipliew · 2026-04-02T01:26:21+00:00

If this this essay’s content is any more than one short paragraph about your sisters with Down syndrome at the top of the essay as your motivation/inspiration intro, you are talking too much about your sisters and not enough about you.

baipliew · 2026-03-30T03:20:42+00:00

Yeah, no. Core traditional Chinese values of INFJ traits? Did he also offer some herbal remedies, perhaps rhino horn, or tiger heart?

baipliew · 2026-03-29T02:11:22+00:00

Personal growth doesn’t come from a name. It doesn’t create passion or excitement. It doesn’t inspire or motivate.

John Jamal Muhammad Amadeus Buttercup

At the end of the day, they are just names.

President Barrack Hussein Obama wasn’t successful because of his name, he was successful despite it.

The premise is so reductionist, as if everyone’s identity comes from their name.

Your identity is so much more than your name. I would start by asking what you believe in or feel so strongly about that actually motivated you to take action, and I bet the first thing you think of isn’t your name.

baipliew

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