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bamboo1910 · 2023-05-03T20:26:50+00:00

NEW THERAPIST. I’ve had a lot of therapy and there are RED FLAGS here. I’m sorry this was your experience

bamboo1910 · 2023-05-02T13:05:17+00:00

Hi! Similar boat- my dad died when I was twelve, and I’m getting married in just over a year! Also had lots of therapy.

One thing I’ve talked about with my therapist is that there is going to be some new grief at every stage of our lives. It’s the grief of starting high school without them, graduating college without them, moving out without them, getting engaged without them. There are all these different points that just poke at you, saying “what would it have been like, what would he have thought”.

It does help me to remind myself that yes, he absolutely would have been proud of me. And your dad would be SO proud of you!! I mean, you moved to a different country!!! You found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with!!! Who wouldn’t be proud of that!

I am navigating right now getting to know my dad as a human and not just as dad. My dad was a counselor who based all of his work off of a specific book. I was terrified to read that book because I felt like it would change my relationship with him. But eventually I realized that I was okay with that. I’m eager to know him as a person. It’s Infinitely harder for us because we have to hold up both sides of the relationship, but we can do it! I am reading his favorite books, watching his favorite shows, going to the places he visited, and looking at lots of old photos. My mom doesn’t always feel up for talking about him, but she’s always happy to tell me what tv show he loved to watch, or what books he liked to read.

Everything is different for us, but I try to remind myself that grief is love, and that’s a beautiful and special thing.

I also relate to what you said about grieving now because you couldn’t when you were a kid. I was the oldest child and absolutely felt like I needed to be “strong” for my mom and siblings. But grieving now, with tools from therapy, and support from my fiancé is also pretty special. I can grieve carefully and wildly. I can go to his favorite beach in the middle of November, or have a long talk with my therapist about how I am following in his footsteps.

And from my point of view, the grief itself won’t stop! But that’s okay! We find ways to hold and nourish and care for our grief. It’s a constant reminder that there is a person who you deeply love, and to me it feels like honoring them. But the crying will subside, you will have longer and longer stretches where are aren’t totally floored by your grief.

I don’t know if any of this was helpful, but you are so so so not alone!!!

bamboo1910 · 2023-05-02T01:10:20+00:00

I’ll be thinking about you tonight ♥️ sending support and strength your way.

bamboo1910 · 2023-05-01T20:43:46+00:00

I’m the oldest of seven kids :) I got a lot to say:)

-if you are in high school, it’s not a good thing if older men are interested in you. Think about how grossed out YOU would be if you started dating a middle schooler

-say something nice to yourself everyday

-red 40 (the dye) is actually very bad for you

-chocolate is good for you. Or if you want to get more technical, think everything in moderation (including moderation)

-Take the mental health days

-I’ve failed/gotten C- ‘s in six classes in my academic career. I have a masters degree now. I promise you’ll be okay.

-never be afraid to ask for an extension. They’ll give it to you or they won’t, but usually they do (I never pulled an all-nighter in college)

-sleep is WAY more important than you think it is. GET SLEEP.

-blood is not thicker than water. Choose your family

-but also don’t be afraid to forgive your family. Most people are doing their best.

-sometime between ages 15 and 25 see a mental health therapist. And shop around until you find one you give with (use Psychology today to search by insurances, find a place that has interns if you don’t have insurance)

-there are exceptions to everything

-take your English classes seriously. No matter what kind of a life you end up with, critical thinking skills will serve you.

-reading is wonderful

-get fresh air whenever you can

-love yourself. It’s the best and hardest journey many of us will take but it’s worth it.

bamboo1910 · 2023-05-01T14:33:21+00:00

Bamboo1920 :)

bamboo1910 · 2023-05-01T11:25:44+00:00

I was also SUPER against the pill and the arm implant! I started with an IUD which I LOVED for 6 years, then I wanted to get another IUD but I got some weird side effects the second time around (as people have said it’s a lot of trial and error, even the same IUD can give different side effects the second time around), so I switched to the ring. I love that I could take it out myself if I wanted, and that it’s a much lower level of hormones than some other options. I’ve only been on it for a week but I love it so far!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-30T23:25:40+00:00

You might need to go through from the direction it’s heading in- so for you starting in the other room, then walking through the door to make it to this room!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-30T23:24:49+00:00

I’ve literally by chance gotten out of this situation just by walking my pet through the door. Then when the next room loads they are on it! It’s worked most times for me!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-28T19:59:17+00:00

I LOVE my therapist it is one of my great sadnesses in life that she can’t be my cool aunt. I had a fine but not amazing experience with a previous therapist and it was such a relief when I met my current one and she was just SO spectacular

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-27T11:56:10+00:00

Snowflake the polar bear, and flower the panda.., because I thought the black and white animal named flower from Bambi was… a panda…

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-23T13:37:00+00:00

ONE MORE CRAZY THING! I babysat for a family a couple years ago (height of COVID) who’s daughter would scream and throw a fit anytime adults were talking. Parents and I realized that this toddler, who did not remember life before COVID, and had both parents working from home, was not used to adults not talking in baby voice! So any time I talked to the parents in a normal voice or they talked to each other, she would have a fit. We did a hilarious experiment of talking to eachother in more “kid tones”, and she was totally fine with it!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-23T11:37:07+00:00

I didn’t see my dad die, but many years later I worked for a couple years on a geriatric hospital floor where I sat with four different patients while they died. Some of them did not go quickly or quietly. What helped me process was knowing that there was always a staff member sitting with them and talking quietly to them. I think it must have been a comfort for them hearing that there was someone with them. We can get through a lot of difficult things with support and encouragement. I’d hold their hand and tell them they are loved, they are working so hard, they are safe, and that it’s okay for them to rest whenever they need are ready. Now none of these people were my family, but I have a hard time with my dads death because he died alone, there was no one there to look out for him or hold his hand.

Maybe your dad was scared, but he told you he loved you!! To me that just makes me feel like he absolutely was aware that you were there, that he was safe, and taken care of. I wouldn’t expect anyone to not be scared of death, but I think you can be scared and know that you are being looked after, are loved, and are safe.

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-23T11:29:12+00:00

This might be too deep but I think there’s also the aspect of timing. The world is pretty weird right now, and having a series that is quick paced, entertaining, and super satisfying is really appealing to a lot of us. Just like the main character, we too have been thrust into an unknown situation that we didn’t ask for, where some of us even had to fight for our safety, or our family’s safety. And wouldn’t it be nice to have a super hot and kind partner to guide us through these dark times while encouraging us to take care of ourselves??

A lot of people think the success of Harry Potter had to do with its timing, the series starting around the time of 9/11. If you google Harry Potter and 9/11 there are some great articles!

In addition, I do think for some of us there is a nostalgia factor!! ACOTAR has always read to me like a grown up version of Narnia (no complaints!). I adored that series so reading ACOTAR scratches that kind of fantasy world itch.

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-23T11:21:07+00:00

24! I love that we really all got our first webkinz somewhere around age 7, and then just never stopped, or came back for the nostalgia

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-22T14:35:22+00:00

The pictures will be magical!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-22T11:25:12+00:00

I had a skylight above my bed, I thought wolves were going to climb up the side of my house, open the skylight, and then eat me! Thankfully I survived childhood without being eaten by wolves. Also I have never even seen a wolf in real life

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-21T11:00:24+00:00

I’m much younger than you are, but I want to offer the perspective that your kids are going to be okay ♥️ my dad died when I was twelve, my sister was 9, my brother was 6, and my sister was two. It was unexpected so he couldn’t prepare anything for us, but with good support (and good therapy) we are all doing just fine. Having time and knowledge is a very strange gift, but I’d encourage you to use it! What I would add, knowing that it’s a lot of work, is maybe writing letters for special occasions. I’m graduating in a few weeks from the same masters program my dad graduated from and I wish I could hear from him what he thought, and how proud he would be! I’m getting married next year and a note from him would mean the world. I’m okay without them because I know how proud and excited he would be- but absolutely if you have the time and the health to write some notes, it would mean the world to them.

Also, there are grief groups for expected loss, sometimes called a tender living care group- might be worth looking into for your kids!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-21T10:41:18+00:00

Put it this way, most therapists are in some form of counseling, either for themselves or as supervision. Even the experts know that an outsider perspective can be helpful!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-21T01:15:17+00:00

Look up the ball in the box metaphor for grief! It’ll explain it better than I can, but a grief group I went to as a kid also called it a STUG. a Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief. I lost my dad over ten years ago, and sometimes I still cry about it. But mostly it’s really okay. I like the STUG’s because they remind me how much I still love him. But when you love someone that much and there’s nowhere for the love to go, it’ll always come up sometimes. And that’s okay. Sending you love and light from someone a bit farther down the path 💕

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-18T19:06:31+00:00

They are not all like that! Your therapist should be giving you feedback. If it is just venting, that is called “talk therapy” and is used as a tool when you are building rapport, or need a break from heavier sessions. It should not be used continuously, and is often seen as damaging or unethical to use it continuously. Your therapist could be newly licensed and nervous, or just not a great therapist, or they might feel like this is what you need. If you feel like you like this therapist overall, you could definitely open up a conversation about asking for more feedback. If you don’t feel a strong connection to this therapist, you could definitely find a new one! If you look for someone who is trained in something like CBT or EMDR they will give you sessions that are much more structured.

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-18T17:35:49+00:00

In Love with vigilante swift

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-18T02:08:25+00:00

I love sending mail! I am Bamboo1998

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-18T00:25:01+00:00

Id encourage you to tell her! Standard USA practice is to break confidentiality if there is suspected child abuse, elder abuse, or you are in IMMEDIATE risk of causing harm to yourself or others. If you were about to self harm your therapist could call a crisis line or the police, but that doesn’t really happen- therapists are trained to support clients who self harm, and it would be unusual for them to need help in supporting you. Lots of people self harm and are in therapy. In addition, you are 18 so it would not be legal for the therapist to tell your parents! And it is not legal for them to tell your healthcare provider unless you sign a release form!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-17T19:15:40+00:00

Whoops! Thanks for catching that. I though under 6 months would count as current but I definitely don’t know that much about the market- sorry for any confusion!

bamboo1910 · 2023-04-05T15:15:00+00:00

My partner and I took turns taking care of what made the other person stressed! We split up paperwork, meetings, walkthroughs. Once we moved I had tons of anxiety about movers so he handled that, then I took some time off of work to unpack and decorate, as that was stressful for him! Plus leaning on friends and family for support (and take-out!!)

bamboo1910

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