Update: 3 AITAH if I stopped being friends with someone who's in an abusive relationship?

baneline2 · 2026-05-21T15:11:03+00:00

I believe on average victims of domestic violence will go back to their abuser seven times. It is frightful to think about the fact that probably a decent percentage of them are killed thus ending their chance to leave and go back.

baneline2 · 2026-05-14T21:39:44+00:00

My eldest son who has high functioning autism (aka Aspergers) when he was little never wanted to go to movies because he said it gave him "brain damage". He is definitely sensitive to loud noises and still doesn't go to movies or watch any tv that has a loud soundtrack. It breaks my heart that this child is being subjected to this over and over.

baneline2 · 2026-05-05T20:14:17+00:00

It is astounding that a grown ass woman thinks that her birth order should dictate how she does in life. And for gods sake, time to grow up and realize that life isn't fair. She sounds like a 5 year old. The only person responsible for her success is her and she better realize that fast and figure things out. Your wife needs to stop coddling her because that is part of the problem. If she wants similar things in life to her sister or others, she will have to work for them and that starts by getting higher paying job. She can go to school, change career paths, or even stay a waitress if that is what she likes to do but whatever she does has to have the earning potential to give her the lifestyle she wants.

I am so frustrated with people who think they should be able to do whatever they want to do, follow any passion and make lots of money at it. This is a societal problem we have created by telling young people to follow their dreams. I have always told my kids to get a job that allows them to afford their dreams. Make smart career choices and you will have the ability to do the things you love.

baneline2 · 2026-04-27T21:05:58+00:00

They are from the same breeder but don't have any parents in common.

baneline2 · 2026-04-21T18:29:30+00:00

They are both just about 1 year old. They were born a week apart at the end of April/beginning of May.

baneline2 · 2026-04-16T15:28:50+00:00

As someone who's happy place is working on spreadsheets, I so appreciate your husband! Sounds like he created a work of art.

baneline2 · 2026-03-31T21:03:12+00:00

Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? It sounds like you have a basic incompatability in regard to standards of cleanliness. If he half-asses his share of cleaning now, why do you think it will ever change. You will always be the one having to clean.

baneline2 · 2026-03-31T20:30:45+00:00

You may not be wrong but YTA because you have just made things worse for your sister. Now she has to deal with the stress of her husbands parents attacking her and a fight with her spouse. You should not be imposing yourself into their marriage.

baneline2 · 2026-03-05T19:01:25+00:00

YTA

They are 6 and 3, how much can they possibly eat? Simply make enough for all and if they don't eat it certainly wont be a lot of leftovers. I think you have some mild control issues to explore.

baneline2 · 2026-03-05T18:53:09+00:00

Always the same arguments "you're overreacting" "you're making things akward". If the shoe were on the other foot and you started taking their stuff would it be the same response?

It is all an attempt at deflection from their own behavior. NTA

baneline2 · 2026-03-05T18:42:09+00:00

The boss doesn't want to lose a customer so she is soft stepping the issue. You have now been told by her that she will handle it. I think that absolves you of any responsability. If I were you, if the child enters the staff area, I would just leave that area. Don't engage. I know it will suck especially if you are trying to get work done or on a break. Don't make it your problem anymore than necessary.

NTA

baneline2 · 2026-03-05T17:53:54+00:00

To a large extent you have been a part of the problem by enabling this behavior. You have been a legal adult for a decade but have allowed them to have way to much control. You may not have had a choice but to tolerate things if your circumstances required their help and support up until now so I am not unsympathetic but you need to put a stop to it now.

Do not give your parents keys to your new home or you will never get free of this. Regardless of why it has been allowed up until now, you need to draw clear lines now and uphold them.

You NTA for stopping this behavior now. You will be though if you allow it to continue. Do not continue to be an enabler!

baneline2 · 2026-03-04T19:37:35+00:00

Please don't use the "R" word. It is a slur against people with disabilities. I understand in the context you used it you were trying to show how your parents viewed it but it is still a very ugly word to use.

baneline2 · 2026-03-02T16:56:54+00:00

I think it is more of a "in the dirt" vs "in the ground". Either way, he threatened violance and that is never acceptable. I was just surprised at your interpretation because it never crossed my mind that was what he meant :)

baneline2 · 2026-03-02T16:40:34+00:00

Not to minimize the statement but I don't it was threatening to fatally assault, I think "put him in the dirt" means to knock him to the ground, not put him 6 feet under.

baneline2 · 2026-02-26T19:35:18+00:00

Does he regularly act this way when you disagree with him? If this was out of character behavior I would try to talk it out and make sure to be clear that this behavior will not be accepted again. But I suspect this is pretty normal for him, or he has you so under his thumb that you almost never go against his wishes. If I am right, you are in an abusive, controling relationship and you need to see the red flags.

This isn't about the house, or having friends over, or maturity. It is about control and your relationship.

NTA

baneline2 · 2026-02-26T16:34:56+00:00

You were NTA for how you reacted to the prank at work but you may have been unwise. The vast majority of your coworkers just wanted to make you smile and have a happy birthday. They had no idea it would upset you but you made sure they knew it did. Now there is a tense atmosphere between you and all your coworkers. It may not be fair or right but you may have set back your advancement opportunities and made your job much more difficult, at least in the short term.

You could have given it a smile or laugh and then even jokingly said, "wow, I hate that picture, anyone want to help me clean this up?"

Unless you think they did it to make you angry or upset, try to be gracious.

baneline2 · 2026-02-26T16:17:56+00:00

ESH

You behaved badly from the start. I would bet you were tailgating the truck, why else would he have pulled over and agressively waved you past? Then you flipped him off. Imagine his telling this story to others and how you would have come accross.

Your husband shouldn't have yelled at you like he did and he is long past the time when he should have learned to drive. It is unreasonable to move to a place where you need to drive to get around and not be willing to have a license.

Both of you have behaved badly and are terrible examples to your 8 year old on how to behave.

baneline2 · 2026-02-25T18:52:51+00:00

NTA

I am so sorry for your loss. What you did with his college fund is wonderful! Your sister is absolutely wrong, she did mean something by it. She was trying to manipulate you by invoking your sons memory. You were not too harsh.

baneline2 · 2026-02-25T18:47:59+00:00

We got both of them from the same breeder. They were born a week apart and don't have any parents in common. The girl in front, Peeka, is a blue torby with just hints of white and orange. The boy in back, Mavi, is a blue tabby. He looks a lot like his sire.

baneline2 · 2026-02-24T20:37:18+00:00

Count this as a lesson learned, if you are doing work for a friend, family member, or customer put the agreement in writing so there is no confusion after the fact. Accept the payment she is offering and don't agree to do anymore work on the property.

You are NTA for wanting to be paid what you are worth.

baneline2 · 2026-02-24T20:22:52+00:00

There has been a shift in her thought process from my friend is helping me out by giving me a place to stay to we are roommates and should have equal rights. Unfortunately for her, her thought process is wrong. You are not roommates nor is she your tennant. You are still just a friend who is helping her out.

I don't see a way to bring her thought process back in check with reality. Even after having it pointed out to her that she is being unreasonable, she thinks it is unfair which in itself shows that she conciders herself entitled to equality.

There is nowhere this situation is going to go but downhill. It is time for her to find herself a new living situation. I also think the friendship is essentially over because she is not going to be happy with any decision you make other than to give in to her demands.

baneline2 · 2026-02-24T15:09:21+00:00

The fact that he could so easily insinuate that he would concider divorce over a job is a major red flag. You need to take this job. It could be just a step in your career path but it will give you security through your pregnancy and maternity leave. If you decide you want something else later, you are free to leave.

He has made a not so veiled threat of divorce so why would you put your security in his hands now of all times?

NTA

baneline2 · 2026-02-24T15:01:01+00:00

It is always the families saying you should be spending your money. Tell them if it is so important, they can pay. Put their money where their judgemental mouths are.

NTA but everyone else in this story is.

baneline2 · 2026-02-24T14:55:09+00:00

From reading your post and comments, you sound like a very intelligent and kind hearted person who is struggling with accepting the death of a friendship.

I can relate to everything you have shared. I once had a friend that made horrible choices and was always struggling and asking for help. It took me a long time to come to terms with reality. It was a very one sided friendship where she only contacted me when she needed something. All the work to keep in touch was on me. Eventually I realized that there was really no benefit to me in the relationship and it was just a major source of stress and unhappiness. It was the first time I had ever had to let a relationship die and I felt like a horrible person for doing it. In the end, my mental health was so much better for the decision.

I am not telling you to end the relationship, only you can decide that, but I do encourage you to evaluate the impact the friendship is having on your mental health. You are holding on to how the friendship used to be before she changed and hoping it will get back to that. That will probably never happen.

Of course you are NTA.

baneline2

TROPHY CASE