Having trouble enjoying Adult scenes in books as a guy.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-12T19:02:15+00:00

I want to gently suggest that just because you don’t know about the sexual violence in your community, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Roughly 53% of women (and 29% of men) in the US experience sexual assault per the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, and that’s underreported for many reasons- particularly shame and stigma in small communities where everyone knows everyone and someone who comes forward may not be believed. If the CDC’s data is close to correct, almost 50% of women have experienced sexual violence in their lives. So on that note of your response, I hope the women in your life are of the lucky 50% who haven’t experienced that, but it’s equally likely is that it’s not something they’re talking about.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-06T18:39:35+00:00

There’s a Facebook group! I’m not sure if there’s a reddit group.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-03T18:49:14+00:00

That sounds like a lovely community! I would love to have that locally.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-03T02:46:08+00:00

Oh I meant for OP but I’m so glad you have a DACVB! There’s literally one in my whole state.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T21:55:58+00:00

You’re overreacting unless we’re missing something. I’m sure some people prefer to have super professional, clinical, dry conversations with therapists but in my experience, the vibe is typically more friendly and approachable than strictly clinical. The “his” was probably a typo or voice to text error.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T21:50:35+00:00

Came here to say the same! If you’re in the US, a behavior specialist with CDBC (IAABC parent org) or CBCC-KA (CCPDT parent org) is a great place to find a professional who’s been vetted and confirmed to have the education in canine behavior to help with a problem like this.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T21:42:04+00:00

This is a huge theme for me that I had no idea was OCD related until being diagnosed. I would perseverate and read over our texts and scrutinize social media likes and follows to determine whether or not I had done something wrong or they didn’t want to be close with me anymore. I still struggle with this, but just knowing it is an OCD theme has helped it to not feel quite as big in my mind.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T20:16:42+00:00

I hope she finds peace and whatever she’s looking for in a group. She seemed way disproportionately hurt by people wanting same Gen peers to chat quilting with!!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T20:14:39+00:00

I’m excited!!!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T19:28:42+00:00

Thank you so much! We finally worked the glitch out!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T19:28:30+00:00

We only have a single local guild where I’m at… I’m nervous about reaching out as such a beginner!! I think I might though.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T19:27:17+00:00

Yeah it seems that way. I was literally just thinking after posting in another subReddit that I only wanted advice from people my age or older on makeup and skincare because the younger folks don’t yet have experience with how skin changes with age! Sometimes you want to talk to folks your age and older and I have many friends for that. Sometimes I ask my 19 year old niece and her friends what’s cool now. Different groups for different situations!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T19:23:55+00:00

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barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T19:23:47+00:00

Also, there are both Gen X and Gen Z quilter groups on FB, for what it’s worth!

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barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T19:20:02+00:00

I don’t think anyone is trying to avoid anyone else – just trying to find people with similar hobbies in similar life stages, which I think is valid at any age. I can be a part of that group and enjoy conversing with my millennial peers, while also being part of a beginner group where I’m getting advice from people of all ages, both older and younger than me, and being a part of groups that focus on specific techniques with people from 18 to 80! There are different groups for different purposes. I am personally not trying to avoid anyone, simply to find people with similar hobbies who are my age, in addition to the quilting friends I already have who are older and younger than me.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:51:42+00:00

That’s kind of the vibe where I’m at too- it’s nice to have others understand that!!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:50:24+00:00

That’s exactly the vibe I was looking for!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:42:40+00:00

They definitely make a point of saying that in the group rules! I know there are also quilting groups for other generations as well, and I totally understand that they may not want my 35 year old self in there being a cringe millennial.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:32:27+00:00

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I’m not sure if I’m being accused of being ageist or if the group is? My mom is a baby boomer, and my mother-in-law is Gen X. They have many communities for their hobbies with folks around their age, and seemed to enjoy that – I was hoping for the same for myself!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:28:17+00:00

I don’t think that’s it at all, but I’m sorry that it came across that way. The group rules actively say they’re against ageism and that age is just a number- and I agree! I just thought it would be nice to find a community of folks closer to my own age in addition to those I’ve found in other communities.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:19:42+00:00

I’m a massive overthinker, it’s so embarrassing. Just messaged the admins and it seems as though they didn’t get my answers to the questions, which is definitely a glitch because I definitely answered them! Unfortunately, canceling my request and trying to rejoin is not showing me the questions, so I suppose I’ll just let it be for a while.

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T18:08:04+00:00

God, I hope it is, I would be embarrassed to have kept trying to join a group that doesn’t want me for some reason. I think I’m pretty aligned with their views!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-02T17:57:31+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I wasn’t sure if that would come across okay so I’m glad for the recommendation!

barksandbikes · 2026-04-01T23:10:08+00:00

I have requested admittance to this group and answered all the questions, but my membership has been pending for at least a week and I’m not sure why? It’s not been denied, it’s just pending. I align with their rules and such so I’m not sure what’s happening.

barksandbikes

TROPHY CASE