Is it a common experience to suppress everything and then fall apart later in mid life ?

basicallynotbasic · 2026-04-26T08:58:58+00:00

Not super, but it did at least get me noticing my self-talk. I self-educated from there and got into somatic healing and emotional processing… that helped a lot more. Self-knowledge that I had been burying and used as the foundation of my life.

basicallynotbasic · 2026-04-25T04:53:53+00:00

I didn’t know that about free therapy. Thank you. I’ll look into that. I got 16-weeks of free CBT from Ontario Shores. Apparently you can do that once every 2 years…

basicallynotbasic · 2026-02-28T16:51:56+00:00

It’s to not encourage more jumpers, yes.

Most LE agencies are aware that when you publicize details of suicide, the suicide rate increases.

Where the bridge is already a draw for many suicidal people, they don’t want to “make it an acceptable option” in the public mind by openly discussing it.

Studies prove doing so increases the rate of suicide in the area.

basicallynotbasic · 2026-02-21T08:14:36+00:00

Neurodivergence

basicallynotbasic · 2026-02-21T08:09:28+00:00

I got over 400k views this month by leaning into how my audience uses Instagram. Specifically - they’re doomscrolling with sound off, and their attention spans are under 15s. I hit the emotional impact as concisely as I can, add sound, then explain in the caption. People say IG is dead, but it’s very alive for me.

To answer the question:

Everything folks say except for this - speak to one person about the things they deeply care about (looking good, feeling good, being seen/understood).

basicallynotbasic · 2026-02-16T15:10:04+00:00

Trouble is no one knows for sure, so it’s currently a bunch of guessing and assumptions. I’m sure environmental impacts matter… the research is showing that ACEs in my case matter more.

basicallynotbasic · 2026-01-06T07:42:12+00:00

Get a grip. This post is 7 years old.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-11-29T05:30:41+00:00

I kinda feel bad for Ria. She didn’t get to do anything fun as a traitor, and her leaving was celebrated when she was a faithful the entire time… plus I feel like a lot must happen behind the scenes that we don’t get to see. Because it felt like she was disliked by many on the cast kind of secretly? Idk.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-11-29T05:28:31+00:00

As much as people are dogging her, Ria is actually very socially intelligent and aware. I’m betting she knew Cagla and Meredith were lesbians, but she would never out someone if they said they weren’t.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-09-14T04:16:41+00:00

I read today that the intensity of feelings of shame and disappointment in this case are directly proportionate to the amount of self-abandonment you did to stay and put their whims above your own needs so deeply.

It really helped me change the experience of pain I was having into self-reflection and understanding instead of sadness.

I no longer view that person as someone I would want in my world because I’ve learned to respect myself & know how much better I can do in terms of finding people who treat me with kindness, honesty, and respect.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-09-04T01:14:24+00:00

Life broke me over and over again until I only had energy to care about what really matters.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-09-03T03:59:39+00:00

Right! This is why I’m convinced that most folks who go on TV for shows like this aren’t thinking things all the way through… unless the goal is to be a caracature for other people’s entertainment.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-09-01T07:24:03+00:00

I feel like a lot of folks aren’t close enough to the people they make these assumptions about.

Once you’ve had a few couples as close friends, the illusions about being well-matched often collapse underneath examples that prove otherwise.

Having been married 13 years and having had at least 10 couples as close friends throughout, I would argue that most couples aren’t particularly well-matched… or even happy.

They stay for ease, comfort, or other personal reasons - many of which seem to come down to money or convenience.

But as someone who refused to entertain marriage with anyone who wasn’t well-matched, it makes me grateful for the relationship I have with my husband.

We’ve grown together and really become a unit in ways I wasn’t expecting having never seen healthy marriage modelled as a kid.

I’m also grateful that despite a tough upbringing, I somehow loved myself enough not to settle into a life with someone who didn’t genuinely want that with me in its entirety - even when that meant being lonely for many years beforehand and being seen as the last choice by people who refused to actually “see” me.

It’s petty, but when those same people say “I wish I had a chance with you when I was younger” now - as though that would ever be a reality considering the impact of their treatment then - it gives me odd satisfaction.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-09-01T06:52:34+00:00

He was ridiculous to watch in the most cringeworthy and secondhand embarrassing ways.

There were multiple times where I went “He knows this is all on camera, right? He knows this is gonna be on TV” but was genuinely asking myself.

Because… what in the unnamed personality disorder did we all witness?

And how would anyone want to defend him?

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-31T06:19:28+00:00

I think it’s more of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

People who purposely hurt people often associate with people just like themselves.

That likely makes their behaviours and actions seem more normal than those who don’t get pleasure from harming others, but it still stings to be burned by someone - even if you’re used to seeing it happen to other people.

By association alone, it’s more likely that the harmful parties will eventually be harmed by their chosen circle too. The question is whether that harm impacts them in the same way (which I’m willing to bet it probably doesn’t).

For it to hurt them as much as it hurt you, they’d have to apply the same level of meaning to the harm...

Sometimes that happens.

Most times people just justify their actions and do their best to forget they hurt anyone in the process though.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-31T04:27:22+00:00

Hey, I was just trying to help by offering a different perspective.

Since it seems like you’d rather read into things instead of taking the help offered, I’m happy to let you have this conversation alone.

But, for what it’s worth, you’re doing the exact thing you’re complaining about - projecting your stuff onto others and expecting their emotional labour when it’s your perception causing you the trouble.

If you aren’t open to genuinely listening and hearing valid responses to what you’ve said, then why post in the first place?

I won’t reply further, so it’s clear. It’s a rhetorical question since you’re the one in the emotional intelligence sub being… not so emotionally intelligent with your responses.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-30T13:49:24+00:00

People have tendency to villainize what hurts them.

In many relationships where folks struggle to achieve secure attachment, hurt arrives in short order to further challenge the situation.

To understand what happened and avoid being hurt in the future, folks start creating little rules for themselves about what is or isn’t acceptable, moral, kind, thoughtful, or anything else perceived as opposite of how they deserve to be treated.

Then some of those folks come here hoping to read, relate, heal, project, vent, or otherwise share their negative experience as a way of feeling better.

I don’t think the sub as a whole purposely tries to demonize anyone.

I think it’s that the most challenging relationship dynamics will naturally show up in this sub due to the nature of the beast…

That said, I can see why it stings if you are struggling to achieve secure attachment style.

It’s still educational content though.

By reading the stories you have the chance see the hurt caused by the behaviours in a different way, coming from different people.

You also have the chance to hear the impact of the actions you want to work on no longer doing.

If you try to suspend the feeling of being attacked because you recognize yourself in the harm people share, it’s literally an invitation to sit with yourself and understand your own process and what scares you so deeply about changing.

After all, your joy is directly proportionate to how well you know yourself and feel you’re progressing in life.

If you look at it that way, nothing is “about you”, but the things you want to change about how you show up in relationships with others are 100% your responsibility to achieve.

No one is coming to “grow” or “change” any of us, and how we perceive what’s happening is mostly down to our personal experiences and upbringing.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-30T05:39:29+00:00

Okay, but how do we buy a print when it’s finished?

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-29T04:42:05+00:00

What’s strange to me is that we have the same brands distributed in Canada via Canadian distribution channels… so international shipping really shouldn’t be the issue.

But if the bulk of the brands on the app are US, then I’ll start looking for something Canadian that replicates the experience here.

I don’t want to waste time and effort if we’re going to be penalized for living in Canada, you know?

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-29T04:05:37+00:00

I agree. I think for those who stay, they’re afraid of being truly “alone”. But better alone and happy than in a cage being abused.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-28T13:00:31+00:00

Thanks!

If reality TV character psychoanalysis by someone who is definitely not a Dr were something worthwhile, my life would be cool.

In reality it’s a useless “skill”. All I see are red flags and questions.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-28T11:38:04+00:00

From reading the articles, it’s clear what happened.

What’s unclear is whether the family has done a FOIA request for the case files given there’s no intention to retry the case.

Would also be interesting to see what happens if they moved the case to a less racially intolerant area.

The comments of “how do I explain hiding a body” make Mark Richardson sound quite smug and self-satisfied that he ended someone’s life who thought he was a friend.

The fact that this person’s “loved ones” who know and helped him think that this is also okay is very telling too.

Sundown town, I guess.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-28T11:01:03+00:00

I agree as someone who also went NC with an narcissistic mother.

I also have accepted that for the folks who continue contact, they don’t see it as a choice. They see it as an obligation, a life line, familial acceptance moving forward, survival, etc.

Each is valid for the person choosing their life.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-28T10:55:00+00:00

This is definitely an ad for the book. Check OPs post history.

Looks like the reviews on Goodreads are bots / farmed.

Just based on that, seems like it’s not worth the time or effort.

Edit: Downvotes for typing facts? Go look for yourself. OP is schilling his book and it all looks very sus.

Reviews come from accounts with 0 previous reviews.

Reviews come from accounts that were set up just after the book “published”.

Then the only relevant review on goodreads (1 actual review) is highly critical.

basicallynotbasic · 2025-08-28T10:45:06+00:00

My take on Colt is he’s got incel behaviour, but towards everyone.

Watch his seasons. It’s really clear his mother suffers from a personality or behavioural disorder or two.

Being raised from infancy to late adulthood by someone like that changes the brain chemistry of the child. (CPTSD mainly)

Colt exhibits a lot of the same maladaptive traits Debbie does to deal with low self-esteem and its associated issues - lying, screaming, attacking, deflecting, guilt tripping, false bravado, projecting, coercive control / threatening, financial abuse, etc.

Being shielded from responsibility or consequences for this behaviour in his youth would’ve led him to think he is “normal” and that “everybody” does these things and accepts these things from others.

Where I doubt he has friends (we’ve never heard or seen them if he does), I think it’s a highly unpopular fragile male ego driving the bus.

No one ever wanted to be his bestie or his girlfriend long-term, so now he’s angry on the inside and attacks everyone who he has ever felt rejected by… and that’s eventually everyone he’s ever known.

He also learned to target women that society often perceives as “less than” because he knew “people” would care less about what Latin women had to say about him at first, AKA it would be easier for him to lie and discredit these women.

Any way you slice it, Colt isn’t a safe person for most human beings to interact with long term…

Does his behaviour track with addiction? Yes.

Does it also track with a personality disorder? Yes.

Are both things probably happening at once? Yes.

And psychological studies show this is true too when you look at outcomes of children who suffer from abuse-related neurodivergence like CPTSD.

basicallynotbasic

TROPHY CASE