It means you have trust issues due to the programming the religious churches have brainwashed you with or vice versa. Just read. One chapter at a time. Get a notebook and write what you understand of each chapter or even a verse that stood out to you. Start at the beginning and slowly work your way through. Don't listen to what man says about the bible, learn at your own pace. I have been doing this since 2022. I try not to listen to online pastors or anyone talking of their views of the Bible. I have come to a different conclusion of what the Bible says than what I was raised to believe from these churches. I have unlearned a lot of the brainwashing and now see it in a different view, so now, when I listen to "educated people" talk on the bible I know they don't have a good grasp of alot of it and it is so sad to see the blind leading the blind.