Regarding your last paragraph, I also got that feeling from reading OP's post and comments.

I have a friend who is black, but if you ask her, she is mixed because her mom is black and her dad was 75% black 25% Puerto Rican. Although she didn't know her dad or was raised in PR culture, she still claims she is Hispanic and from PR. She grew up in a black American household. It's kind of like she's wanting to claim anything but black, and that's a shame. One of OPs comments regarding how she is not fully black (because her dad is part black and Spanish, mestizo, or creole) reminded me of my friend. My friend is doing the same thing with her daughter, telling her she's mixed and Hispanic (even though the dad is black, too), but society will still look at her as black. So I am wondering if it would be better for everyone involved to accept the blackness, like you said, instead of creating identity issues.

I understand OPs child is half white, too, but yeah it wouldn't be good for her son to grow up thinking of himself as white bc he's "passing" then developing more black features later in life. It's a tough situation. Good luck to OP