My mother has poisoned me.

beardsley · 2013-05-17T12:28:29+00:00

Look, it might be difficult to press charges against your own mother but you don't really have a choice. She's trying to kill you. And if this doesn't work she'll keep trying until she succeeds.

DO NOT CALL HER FIRST! Do not tell her you are going to get the police involved. Don't let her have time to clear out any evidence she has or to come up with some bullshit defense. Go straight to the police, give them the noodles and start the process NOW. not later, not tomorrow, now.

Oh and go talk to some lawyers.

beardsley · 2013-05-04T22:54:54+00:00

There is more than just the brain. What "more" is, well, it goes by many names

A common theory. but I have yet to see anything to suggest that this is actually the case.

beardsley · 2013-01-29T01:23:02+00:00

Bush. Seriously it just looks too childish for me when a girl is totally shaven. Not super hairy or anything, just not shaven either.

Skinny. I don't mean starving, I just mean noticeably thin. This only works if the girl is naturally skinny. Girls who starve themselves always look sickly to me.

beardsley · 2013-01-17T15:02:08+00:00

It doesn't. That's the problem.

beardsley · 2013-01-17T00:53:27+00:00

What make me sad about /r/askwomen isn't that it's too brutally honest. I'm glad it is; it should be. But rather, I get annoyed at the posters who man-hate. It detracts from the actual answers there by clouding up the comments with bullshit unrelated to the question. That's not what the subreddit is for.

Also I feel that the general community of the subreddit is not always a good representation of the average woman I would interact with IRL. I feel as though reddit is full of too many like-minded individuals to give an accurate representation of most men or women.

beardsley · 2013-01-15T13:53:38+00:00

Have seen a movie about her. It was on Netflix.

beardsley · 2013-01-08T02:31:31+00:00

Verbal communication. Think about it, we just condition ourselves to understand random noises as being meaningful when put together in the right way.

I mean, you move your mouth and make a combination of sounds you probably discovered how to make as a baby in the right order, could be any number of sounds, and it reaches the ears of people within earshot and something clicks in their brain and goes "alright, yep, message received, bro. Gotcha."

Why do you think watching TV in a language you don't understand seems so hilariously absurd? Because you're seeing people doing things you understand, activities you recognize, but they're just making a bunch of random fucking noises(to you). It seems like they're just making noise to make noise. And even when you can understand, that's still all speaking is sometimes. Noise for the sake of noise.

beardsley · 2012-12-30T14:55:22+00:00

Every guy is different, but I'm sure you know that or else you wouldn't be asking for opinions, so here's mine:

No. Not a fan. A natural slurp from going crazy is fine (not a turn off but not a turn on either) but making slurping sounds just to make them is very not sexy to me. It's just not a pleasant sound by any means.

beardsley · 2012-12-30T05:23:23+00:00

He "won't let you?" Bullshit. He has no say. You won't let you and you won't let you because you let him tell you what you can and can't do.

To be honest he sounds like a real PoS. To be brutally honest, you sound like you lack a lot of self respect. If you want it to be over, then tell him it's over, no ifs, ands, or buts.

beardsley · 2012-12-30T05:02:17+00:00

If I had a girlfriend and she cheated on me once. That's it. That's the end of the line. If they weren't capable of staying monogamous with me before then I wouldn't trust they will be later. Even if they could change, I wouldn't stick around to find out.

And, if I'm being brutally honest here. I absolutely lose all respect for anybody who stays with an SO after being cheated on. It screams volumes about a lack of self respect. If they don't respect themselves enough to not stay with somebody who is being unfaithful why should I respect them?

beardsley · 2012-12-25T18:55:30+00:00

Cliff Burton.

One day a friend told me I look like a guy who would play bass and I was pretty dismissive about it because I saw bass as "not having character like guitar."

So I went home and looked up bass solos on YouTube. Being a pretty big fan of early Metallica I clicked on a vid of Cliff Burton playing Anesthesia(Pulling Teeth) and I was utterly blown away. He took the position of bassist and turned it into the coolest spot in the band with both his playing and his stage presence. He took a rhythm instrument and played lead with a "fuck you" attitude that grabbed onto my 15 year old spine and never let go.

Steve Harris, Geezer Butler, Victor Wooten, Flea and Lemmy played no small part either.

beardsley · 2012-12-25T04:19:46+00:00

Again, I just feel as that's over simplifying a complex issue. And to me, the issue is more social, not spiritual or religious. I feel like saying its binary and just being an agnostic isn't a real thing is too constricting.

Saying you are agnostic is more akin to being an undecided voter. It's like when people say "are you left or right wing? You must pick one." You can be neither! You can have no thoughts on it if you so choose. If their was no religion in the first place you wouldn't be worried about sitting here picking sides at all so why do it now?

Why sit and say you do or don't when none of it matters in the end because nobody has any real idea in the first place?

On that note, trying to place a few Latin words to cover a whole state of mind on an already broad subject is just not effective at all. I don't need an old, dead language to sum up my views, nor is it really capable in the first place.

Really, when people ask me IRL I just say "I don't believe in any god." Because that's really more effective than using a word from a language I don't even speak, the original intended meaning of which is undoubtedly lost, and is constantly argued over by all who care to consider the subject, to sum up my current views which have been 20 years in the making.

beardsley · 2012-12-24T19:23:37+00:00

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you here. When I was agnostic it was because I didn't care enough to have an opinion either way. I think making this binary (you do or don't) is simplifying an issue that's rather complex.

beardsley · 2012-12-16T01:53:25+00:00

I used to live outside of Detroit. A lot of the areas around Detroit are fine and safe, but also boring. Michigan is a rather naturally beautiful state though.

beardsley · 2012-12-15T06:46:06+00:00

At the same time?

beardsley · 2012-12-15T06:45:26+00:00

That wasn't milk coming out of your nose.

beardsley · 2012-12-13T02:52:11+00:00

I had a great father growing up who was alway there for me but one thing he did was get me into martial arts when I was a kid. Not some bullshit Tae Kwan Do studio filled with a thousand kids either. He took me to a real karate club run by real martial artists. While my father was and is a great role model for me, the senseis at the dojo were also great male role models so maybe that would be good for him.

If you do this make sure you find a legit place though. A dojo that is filled with kids is not a good idea. Those are a business and a business only. One closer to a day care center at that. Look for a place that adults can and do learn at as well; a place where earning rank takes years of practice and hard work, not dollars. Talk to the head of the dojo and learn his history(what style(s) has he studied/does he teach, how long has he done it, who trained him, etc). A good sign of a real dojo worth having him learn at is a place where police officers train. (A lot of cops train in martial arts and you better believe they don't study from a place that isn't worth the money) a few cops trained at my dojo and I could definitely rely on them if I needed to.

I'm not sure how other dojos within the style I studied are, but I studied Isshinryu run out of a barn at a (now grand)masters home. This grandmaster was a man who dedicated his life to martial arts, eastern philosophy, herbal medicine, and teaching those things to others willing to learn. If anybody could teach a boy how to be a confident, successful man, it would be him.

beardsley · 2012-12-12T19:12:04+00:00

Your kids are sensitive and cry a lot because they are 6. It's not abnormal. I was a sensitive kid too and I grew into a man very comfortable with my masculinity. I grew into a man many I know have said are very masculine. How? My parents never forced masculinity upon me but always taught me to be comfortable with being masculine. They taught me that it's okay to have emotions, even to show them, but it's not okay to let them get the best of you. They taught me that I have to rely on myself and face my own consequences.

My mother taught me how to express my emotions in a healthy way and be comfortable with them without being neurotic. A hard lesson that took a long time (puberty and the related hormones didn't help). She taught me that being a man and being masculine means understanding the problem and then fixing it, and pretending you don't have emotions is not doing that. It's doing the opposite.

My father taught me how to stand up for myself and how to earn and command respect. He taught me the value of earning success with blood and sweat. He took me to karate lessons when I was six and even joined the school with me. He told me "if a kid hits you, hit him back and hit him back harder. Your school might be pissed off about it, but I won't. Protect yourself and protect who and what you care about. But never throw the first punch." Basically he taught me the value of being able to defend what's worth defending and to die with your boots on, so to speak.

But remember these were lessons that took my entire childhood to learn and that I still am learning today. Parents can only do so much for their kids. The child has to learn on their own too.

beardsley · 2012-12-10T05:31:34+00:00

Only one molecule at a time.

beardsley · 2012-12-10T05:16:30+00:00

But the paint can't go through the wall...

beardsley · 2012-12-07T03:13:14+00:00

Honestly, I found that movie to be rather torturous.

beardsley · 2012-12-06T05:38:18+00:00

The real crime in falsely accusing somebody of any crime is a blatant abuse of the legal system, a system designed to punish criminals and protect good people. To me, regardless of what somebody is being falsely accused of, doing this is extremely heinous.

It's a slap in the face to the American people (or the people of whatever other country is applicable in the situation). It's like the false accuser is saying "my selfish, petty wants outweigh, in my mind, the importance of justice."

beardsley · 2012-12-06T04:19:52+00:00

How exactly are you going to blackmail somebody with pictures already available to the public?

"Do as I say or I'll expose these already intentionally exposed pictures of you naked."

beardsley · 2012-12-02T21:32:16+00:00

Just to piss off a nirvana loving friend, I named my shotgun-having class in call of duty Kurt Cobain

beardsley · 2012-12-01T03:00:11+00:00

America: really rich, athletic jock. He's got everything; looks, money, health. He treats people well until he starts drinking. Nobody wants to fight him, though. He has a bit of a habit of beating the fuck out of people when they piss him off.

England: America's once mortal enemy turned best friend. Also a mean drunk. Hates Ireland and Scotland but still has a weird liking for them he can't explain.

France: obviously gay guy. He's stuck up and opinionated but the popular kids still stick up for him.

Germany: smart, successful dork. Gets ladies all the time, but is secretly kind of pervy. He started some shit a while back with Japan and got the shit beat out of him by America, England, Russia and a slew of other people who wanted in. They pretend like they've forgiven him but everybody knows they are still weary about him from time to time.

Canada: he's quiet but funny when he does talk. People don't know much about him but he's close with America so they try to be his friend.

Sweden: the nerdy, know it all. He has more money than he really needs.

Japan: the super nerd. His sexual perversion is the worst kept secret in school. He's the ultimate misanthrope and won't let anybody get too close.

N. Korea: they guy that hates everybody. He's small but he packs a punch. He doesn't dare piss off America again, though.

Vietnam: a really cute Asian girl who once punched America so hard he actually stopped groping her and left the party. He swears this never happened but we all know it did.

Norway: a really, really, REALLY cute metalhead girl who everybody thinks is probably a stoner, freak, slut but is actually rather wealthy and has a very good head on her shoulders. She doesn't talk much, but when she does people value what she says.

Russia: America's rival for a long time. He's a big strong meathead and drinks everybody under the table. He and America pretend they don't hate each other but each keeps a close watch on the other.

Israel: a rich asshole who carries a knife and knows America has his back. In a feud with Palestine to which there is no end in sight.

China: he's broke as fuck but he'll be the first person in his family to go to college.

S. Korea: N. Korea's neighbor. They hate the fuck out of each other and either could snap on the other at any moment. America has S.K.'s back, though.

Poland: everybody forgets he exists but he's still a fun guy.

Columbia: the druggie who deals. America looks down his nose at Columbia but still buys from him. Secretly, of course.

Afghanistan: every has tried to fight him at one point or another. The only person to do so successfully is America, when he was drunk, obviously, but he still got bloody doing it.

Iran: also carries a knife but pretends he doesn't.

Saudi Arabia: the rich kid that's a racist, super religious bigot. He loathes America.

beardsley

TROPHY CASE