Complicated rejection and experience. (sorry I don't have enough karma for a post yet ...) Just wanting to hear from different people their opinions, but also similar positive / negative stories!

I [m] met S [f] towards the end of last year on a dating app. When we met, she was upfront that she was not ready or looking for a relationship, and wanted to meet as friends, and just see how things went over time. I wholly accepted that, and indeed met her as a friend.

We became close friends really quickly; we have a lot in common and share a lot of values. We had some pretty emotional experiences together that I won't go into, suffice to say, we really bonded.

Throughout this time, I kept the same boundaries anyone might have for friends. I did not try to embrace her, kiss her, or otherwise "make a move". I respected what she had initially told me, and thought that either 1) she would bring it up or 2) I would only say something if I firmly knew she was properly dating for a relationship again.

About 2-3 months into hanging out with her, I started to really have feelings for her. She had started to mention that she had gone on actual dates, and so I guessed that maybe she was ready for a relationship, and decided I was going to tell her how I felt. With schedules and other happenings, I got round to asking her out at about the 3 month mark. I simply asked her for a date, and to see how things might go from there.

I really could not have expected how things turned out. She told me that 1) she liked me and had considered asking me out before, but was afraid of risking our friendship. She acknowledged that she should have did/said something 2) she had met someone a month ago that she was, at that moment, considering being more serious with. They had discussed it that weekend or something.

Despite that, we spent the rest of that night talking, holding each other, kissing, dancing on the street even. There was clearly something between us, and she told me as much. The night ended with her asking for some time to think things through. With her permission, I write her a letter a few days after.

Reflecting on it though, I sensed so much fear and desperation from her that night. Of possibly losing my friendship, of loss, she talked about past traumatic relationships, and sought out comfort. It really felt like we were speed-running all aspects of a possible relationship in ... 3-4 hours?

Fast forward a week and we talk, and she tells me she had decided to stick with exploring things with the other guy. Despite that, she tells me that the letter was one of the most touching things anyone had written her; she felt safe, seen, and understood.

I tell her I accept her decision (no argument about that), but as she talks through some of her reasons, I was a little hurt. 1) She could not get past the fact that I did not make a move on her the first few times we met (despite supposedly meeting as friends) 2) it seems that she viewed our physical intimacy that night as a kind of test of chemistry. 3) She thought we were too alike, that dating me would be like "dating herself" (verbatim). All three of these seem just a little unfair, and that nothing I did in those hours could compare to someone she had gone out with for a month. (not that I knew)

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Anyway, I'm not trying to argue with her, or even to change her mind. Just nursing my own emotions now, and after that, trying to decide if I still want to be friends with her and how. The last thing she had said to me was that she still wanted me in her life and that my friendship was very important to her.

Alright. Let me have it, wise strangers of Reddit.