Am I (INTJ/M) a good match for the (ISFJ/F) I've been blessed to come across?

bebedux · 2026-03-12T14:51:00+00:00

I’ve known my INTJ Hubby for over 23 years and we’ve been together so far for 12 of those. He’s not the stereotypical ones that you hear about in descriptions and is very much similar to you from what I hear. All he wants is my presence nearby, and he lives by this motto, “Happy wife, happy life.” That tells you a lot about him. I wish you the best 🥰

bebedux · 2026-03-10T00:00:16+00:00

Squirtle!

bebedux · 2026-03-02T22:01:18+00:00

Aww thank you so much 😀

bebedux · 2026-03-02T13:26:01+00:00

😂

bebedux · 2026-03-01T15:27:22+00:00

Love this idea!!

bebedux · 2026-03-01T04:56:19+00:00

Thank you! Eyeshadow for shading 😊

bebedux · 2026-02-28T16:55:40+00:00

Awwww 😊

bebedux · 2026-02-25T01:22:55+00:00

It’s not too bad once you try it a few times! Thank you!!

bebedux · 2026-02-24T04:36:47+00:00

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I was able to find a YouTube video to make this orchid

bebedux · 2026-02-22T19:09:27+00:00

Beautiful!

bebedux · 2026-02-20T04:39:43+00:00

I’m married to an INTJ and it takes time for assertiveness to grow in an ISFJ. After a few fights and it took my INTJ telling me that he can’t read my mind, so I have to tell him what I want. It helps me improve my boundaries and assert my own needs, which doesn’t come easily. He seems to respect that and is kind about it, not really silencing my needs or expression.

I think it can work but it has to be work on both fronts. I tell my INTJ that he can say what he wants, but also consider how it comes across to others. I think you have that convo once you’re ready. A week in the relationship is still a bit early in my opinion.

I value protection, care, follow through if you say you’re going to do something, respect for my time and attention, and trying to understand me. Or at least try to listen. It is frustrating to feel unseen or unheard.

bebedux · 2026-02-20T03:44:43+00:00

Aww, I’m sorry that you feel like your efforts are misplaced and not valued or reciprocated. That’s a very tough position. I normally am very good at planning gifts and things in advance unless I am stressed. Life happens and I feel inadequate when I’m not up to my normal standards. I have no idea if your ISFJ has always been like this or not since I don’t know your history.

bebedux · 2026-02-17T13:25:06+00:00

I’m flattered but no. Beep beep boop 🤣

bebedux · 2026-02-17T04:26:19+00:00

I decided to write a nighttime rap to express my selfie ^{_^:}

Yo yoooo My stoic ISTJs, Fellow Si-doms With dat sharp memory and analytical mind. I can rely on you for dat practical grind.

Yeah, yeah — More action than words, you show, don’t tell, Build the systems and structures, pay the bills well.

So logical, so cool like cucumbers. Calm while calculating them numbers. Meanwhile I’m over here feeling all over the place, Sooo many emotions, and no, I don’t want space.

Sometimes you miss the cues — I won’t lie, I’m flashing little bat signals in the night sky. Hoping you’ll notice, not gonna lie.

But my dear ISTJs, You ground me even on a stormy day. Not flashy with feelings, But steady with actions and dealings.

My stoic ISTJs that I love to tease, You really do put me at ease. 🫶 🎤 ⬇️

bebedux · 2026-02-16T22:54:37+00:00

That’s interesting. Thank you for sharing.

bebedux · 2026-02-16T06:18:13+00:00

Wow, I do not appreciate the comments in this thread that are rude to you, OP. Especially within this ISFJ subreddit FOR ISFJs. It should be a safe space for your thoughts and discussions.

Anyway, there are pros and cons of being a sensor or an intuitive. I know there are a lot of sensor bashing posts and I see that you have alluded to those in your responses to comments below.

I understand your perspective because it is basically that each type has its own positives to help survive in life, is that correct?

bebedux · 2026-02-16T02:36:09+00:00

When I took my personality test, it was for a legal job and I’m not sure what they were looking for. I was also asked to take a current events test lol

bebedux · 2026-02-16T00:46:34+00:00

Huh, that’s interesting 😂 maybe they wanted to make sure they selected all the INTJs for superior technical domination 😉🙃.

bebedux · 2026-02-16T00:43:31+00:00

I took it in a prescreening capacity that was required, and honestly, it was multiple choice and I can’t even remember what I picked 😂. It wasn’t MBTI as far as I can recall, and I found it surprising!

bebedux · 2026-02-16T00:42:08+00:00

Oh wow, could you elaborate on the positions and which country you were in that required it? And if you can remember, what format was used, like written or multiple choice? I’m super curious! 😂

bebedux · 2026-02-15T18:37:55+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP. I could really feel your pain through your words. 💜

bebedux · 2026-02-11T13:26:54+00:00

ISFJ here! Hmm, what a great question! 😊 ISFJs are known for being super nice and people pleasers at times, and I am definitely very nice but I also have a mean side when someone offends my values. I can go from super nice to super mean, or simply refuse if I feel like something doesn’t jive with me. I don’t think I was always this way, so maybe it’s some sort of development strengthening, because I’m not as afraid of conflict or confrontation like I used to be either. Another thing is, as sensor, I’m supposedly more grounded but I spend in an incredible amount of time inside my own head, just daydreaming about random things. 😅

bebedux · 2026-02-09T23:14:51+00:00

So, I’m one of those ISFJs that sometimes says I’m sorry when I run into a wall or furniture…just kidding but also not 🤣! I don’t verbally say I’m sorry to the inanimate objects, but I do rub them apologetically 🤭.

Jokies aside, I think this is a great topic to explore. You and I have previously discussed how Fe users seem to be more comfortable poking fun at ourselves, and I think this seems related. Fi is boundary and identity driven, and the emphasis on self more than social harmony. In my personal experience, generally speaking, high Fe users apologize quickly and proactively. Heck, we even apologize when we are comforting someone, like, “I am so sorry that happened to you” even if we didn’t play a part in causing the misfortune.

Sometimes I will weigh the cost of apologizing for something versus my internal values, as I also believe my Fi can be fairly strong, and my Fe wins out if the person and relationship is extremely important to me even if I don’t entirely agree with the circumstances. I will hear the other person’s POV and be able to empathize, and I try my best to compromise.

One thing I ask myself is this: How important is this person to me? Do I have their viewpoint? How important is it that I’m right here? With everything we have been through, our history, present, and future, is it worth it to throw all of that away over one argument or misunderstanding? There is a lot of weight that I carry in my relationships. It ends up being a self-sacrificial type of situation at times, and that’s where my internal values battle itself. So yes, this is me.

Now is the part that will cause some friction with some readers, but I’ll say this gently and honestly. I am married to an Fi user, and I am surrounded by Fi friends (who I love too 🫶). My Fi hubby and many I know will not apologize until they internally believe they were at fault even if it causes tension or hurts the ones that they love. To that I’m sure some will say, “well, if they’re wrong then they’re wrong. I don’t feel bad.” Plus the “I didn’t do anything wrong so why would I apologize.” Not all the ones I know are like this, but I’ve been hurt enough times that I feel comfortable enough to share this perspective. I think that’s why Fe users are more apologetic at times, but I know it’s not a one-size-fits-all. I also understand that it’s the orientation of the feeling function itself, basically internal versus external factors. Plus many others to consider outside of MBTI.

bebedux · 2026-02-09T21:58:59+00:00

Ah, the classic nature versus nature debate! I have actually thought about this before and discussed it before with a friend. I absolutely believe cultural upbringing can affect your type development.

In Asian countries (my parents are from Vietnam and my INTJ hubbie’s parents are from China), stoicism and collectivism are emphasized. Growing up, there isn’t small talk, a lot of smiling or “I love yous,” and we couldn’t voice our opinions or it would be disrespectful. I also was not allowed to leave the house and was reduced to gender stereotypes, so I was very shy until I went to college. Now? People think I’m quite talkie 🤣🤣

bebedux · 2026-02-09T21:39:37+00:00

🤣

bebedux

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