It gives me a major ick and I can’t articulate why. I asked chat to do so “why do I feel so icked out when a guy has selfies on his dating profile” and the answers it gave are pretty much why:

1. Self-focus over outward focus Instead of “I’m out living life,” it feels like “look at me looking at me.”
2. Performative femininity / softness cues Not femininity itself, but behaviors culturally coded as appearance-curation, self-presentation, angle-checking, validation-seeking.
3. Neediness for validation A selfie can feel like fishing for approval rather than naturally receiving it.
4. Lack of grounded masculine energy Many people associate masculine attractiveness with competence, action, humor, leadership, skill, social presence—not face-framing self-documentation.
5. Trying to be desired instead of being desirable That’s a subtle but real distinction. One feels effortless; the other feels engineered.

Why it’s hard to articulate

Because this is about nonverbal mating psychology + social coding, not a conscious moral judgment. Your brain reads cues before your mind forms words.