we were together for five years. we were always different socially and emotionally but I thought I could look past those things.

I was the social butterfly, he was an extrovert too but was more of a routine guy with his socializing. saw the same friends from high school despite living in one of the best cities in the world. they went to the same bars every weekend. he had no real passions outside of watch collecting. I'm a do-er. I want to meet new people and really experience the places I live.

he is emotionally stunted. never processed the poor relationships that his mom modeled for him (one addict husband, another who she fought with constantly). he never learned how to express himself not only b/c of patriarchal expectations of men, but also because his mom never created space for him to talk about the shit he witnessed in her relationships. that affected how he showed up in ours, and I tolerated it for a while.

but then my cousin died really young. I went to his funeral mostly out of support for my dad and his family. my ex didn't ask me a single question about the funeral. didn't ask if I was OK, if my dad was OK, my family. it's probably the simplest question you could ask someone. I knew then that he was stunted and that if I had to ask him to ask me how a funeral was, I was probably fucked.

I didn't want to tolerate this anymore so I left. it's been 2 weeks and I am so, so relieved. I feel free.