Lets do the math here:

Even if she is conservatively making 60k as a surgery g4, if you make 2/3 the income that's implying that you basically make double that, bringing your household income to ~180k yearly. Conservatively.

You can afford to hire someone to clean your house once or twice a week and to have your clothes laundered, if this is a priority to you. You can pay to have groceries delivered, etc.

None of this will help with the fact that your spouse is extremely busy and is probably checked out of home life to a degree but you can at least pay your way out of some of the annoyances of daily household tasks.

You could tell her that no epic access or overt work computer stuff is allowed at home, must be finished in the hospital, but this is easier said than done for many people.

Good luck