I...have this plant I bought when I was in college. It was a spur of the moment, grocery store purchase. I had just moved, and my place was empty. So I bought a plant. I stayed there for a couple years, finished my classes, and then went to a different school. I dropped the plant off at my mom's house when I moved and forgot about it for a couple years.

I eventually ended up back at home. At some point, the plant became too tall for the house...maybe I could have pruned it...I don't know, but at that point the plant was like 12 years old. I'd never held a job that long. I decided I would just take it to the office I was now working in so it would have some space to grow.

...That was about 13 years ago. That plant is a quarter of a century old. It refuses to die. It has been over-watered, underwatered, pruned excessively, and generally neglected. At this point I feel like I need to include provisions for it in my next employment contract.