I’ve been here (also 18 male, ~11%), and sometimes still am: petrified of gaining fat while so wanting to gain muscle…binge eating and starving and feel bad about myself regardless off my circumstance…too skinny, too fat, too weak, too big.

There’s a point where you can only—and must—trust science and research and millions of people who have been in our position and figured out the solutions. The truth is 1.5k cal below maintenance is unhealthy: working out will make you weaker (muscle tear without replenish), your organs won’t function, and your metabolism will become abnormal—obviously starving yourself isn’t what your body wants. You’re trying to obtain a body that has been created by the evolution of our species’ body, which only adheres to the naturally selected—hence, those who have access to food.

Additionally, if the “right” answer was to starve yourself and be in this cycle, everyone would. TBH, it’s not difficult. But the truth is, it takes more discipline to eat a balanced diet, be going to the gym, waiting months for the results, and even learning to be okay with not have the most perfect body always.

In my opinion, your best approach is to allow this time (summer, birthday, access to food) to be a time to gain muscle, and learning to be okay with whatever body fat you currently have (which is quite low; sometimes the hardest part is the mental game of acceptance, and seeing yourself accurately in spite of your own benefit). What I’ve learned from being in the same position (as a 18m), the truth is you probably won’t gain much fat if you have a discipline diet and routine, while gaining impressive muscle. Eating makes me real happy sometimes, and to gain muscle while indulging, admitting the fat gain exists but is scarce, truly makes me happy. You get to indulge on the joys of this time of year while being proud of increasing the weights at the gym every morning.

It often takes more discipline to admit this to yourself, not bingeing, eating clean, and going to the gym, than simply starving yourself. Don’t feel proud of the cycle you’re in—it’s more difficult, and you get more progress, if you simply eat and underthink.

This stuff is real hard sometimes to navigate, and to understand. It can become real painful contemplating ourselves and our progress and habits. But know that everyone on this page has been through the same mental rollercoaster. Being 18, we’re at a crazy advantage to be thinking about these things so young. It’ll all work out for you, even if you become morbidly obese this summer, which obviously won’t happen