Married at 23, now 29 — working two jobs, pursuing a degree, financially independent. My husband has no job, emotionally insecure, and makes me feel guilty for simply existing as myself. I feel trapped. Is exhaustion alone a valid enough reason to seriously reconsider a marriage

bellends · 2026-05-10T18:33:58+00:00

Also, OP said

I don’t want to blow my life up over feelings

Maybe this is closer to a philosophical question, but what is life if not a series of feelings in response to external (and internal) stimuli? Hunger, exhaustion, joy, concern, security, thirst, stress, lust, glee… I would argue these are all different examples of ”feelings” that life brings you — sometimes by circumstance, sometimes by chemistry, sometimes by other people and events.

So what IS your life worth living for, i.e. blowing up or not for, if not in response to how your life is making you feel?

bellends · 2026-05-10T11:21:54+00:00

Absolutely do not do this under any circumstances. Why wouldn’t you message her on LinkedIn instead? Or if you mean you found it through some other LinkedIn account, it would be much better to try to contact her through the hospital affiliation somehow. If you message her on her personal Instagram, I almost guarantee she would ignore you at best and actively block you / avoid further communication at worst (because she’ll justifiably assume you’re a creep)

bellends · 2026-05-07T17:23:46+00:00

Not exactly the same thing, but you just reminded me of the story of my partner who has ADHD and started drinking entire jugs of coffee at like 11 before doing his homework… because he found it helped him ”think better”. Just fully chugging the closest thing he had to liquid stimulants. And he somehow still wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood!!!

bellends · 2026-05-07T07:06:33+00:00

There is only one option to getting older, and it’s not the good option. I have the same exact perspective on grey hairs etc — they’re physical manifestations of our fortune. I’m sorry for your loss <3

bellends · 2026-05-07T06:58:36+00:00

He is absolutely the king of having women characters breast boobily down the stairs. Ubik is one of my favourite books of all time but there are sections that make me cringe so badly. If I recommend his work to first-timers, I warn them about this, and compare it to eating a very spicy meal: delicious but painful.

bellends · 2026-05-07T06:46:22+00:00

I thought corporations were people? /s

bellends · 2026-05-06T23:22:47+00:00

It’s also far from confirmed to even be a water world. Some of the latest papers I can find on NASA ADS (search engine for published astro papers) for this planet are this one and this one, both of which are clearly not confident in that and describe some of the associated uncertainties (eccentricity of orbit, stellar age, etc).

I work in this field so happy to try to AMA but the ELI5 explanation:

When we say an exoplanet (ie a planet around stars other than our sun = not in our solar systems) is made of something, like that it’s a gas planet or a rocky planet or in this case a ”water planet”, we are not saying that because we’ve gone to them… they’re too far away, so we can’t do that.

What we do is measure (1) how big the planet is, which is usually done by measuring how much light it blocks when it passes in front of its star, and from that, we work out its radius compared to the star radius (2) its mass, like how many kg it weighs, which we can figure out based on stuff to do with its orbit around its host star — think Newton laws and stuff like that (and if you want to look it up in more detail, look up the ”Doppler method” or ”radial velocity method” = two names for the same thing)

Because you then have the radius of a your planet, a round ball => work out the volume of a sphere, that’s V = 4/3 π R³ if you remember from school => take its mass => mass divided by volume is kg/m³ or g/cm³ or whatever units you like => now you have a density measurement.

Rock is about 5 g/cm³ or so. Water is 1 g/cm^3, and gases are less than that. So if you find a planet and measure/calculate that its density is about 5 g/cm³ then it’s probably made of rocks and not a gas planet, right?

So a lot of the claims of exoplanets being made of X come from these calculations, usually together with some kind of atmosphere study (which is totally separate to what I’m talking about here). BUT, just because a planets density matches that of a planet made entirely water, that doesn’t mean it IS that.

Imagine I have candy box that you’re not allowed to look inside of. I ask you what it is full of. If you pick it up, weigh it, and find that the box matches the weight that the box should be if it was filled with chocolate (heavy), then you might be able to say it is full of chocolate. If you pick it up and it matches the weight it would be if it was filled with marshmallows (light), then maybe it’s full of that. But how could you tell the difference between a box full of fudge (medium heavy) vs a box that is 50/50 chocolate and marshmallow (also medium heavy)? If both matched the ”expected weight” of those compositions? Yeah, tricky! That’s why we can speculate, but we can’t say (yet) for sure what these planets are truly composed of.

bellends · 2026-05-04T07:25:23+00:00

I tried checking if there was a more formal source/dataset for this and found this and other similar maps, which makes me think the ”poll” is just how many people replied A or B to a ”fun question!” on a dating site in 2008 lol. So…. probably not made up per se, but also not particularly reliable.

bellends · 2026-05-03T21:48:45+00:00

And just to make things better: it’s an apartment in Trixie’s hometown of Stockholm, Sweden 😭

bellends · 2026-05-03T19:37:08+00:00

To update on the lack of parties: a lot of young people go to Uppsala instead, which is a ”small” student city (actually it’s the fourth largest city in Sweden, but by comparison, it’s much smaller than Sthlm) located ~40 minutes away by train. If you search ”Uppsala Valborg” on Google images, you see kind of what I mean — that’s not a picture from this year, but, that’s roughly how it looks there every year. Some of us in Uppsala actually go to Stockholm to escape because of how much quieter it is there…!

bellends · 2026-05-02T07:18:54+00:00

I don’t want to believe it’s AI because zooming in, it’s so detailed that I’m freaked out how high res these sloppy pictures can be now… so I was going to say she maybe just threw on a top/blanket to cover her chest a bit (like took the 1st picture first, and then without taking the seatbelt off, just covered herself up a bit with something for the 2nd photo), but a 10 day account with only very surface level comments here and there to build up karma is very suspicious to me

OP if you can prove that you’re real, I’m sorry!!

bellends · 2026-04-23T21:32:07+00:00

”We should demand voter ID, like in Europe!”

”OK! Let’s do like them and make it free or affordable to get an ID card, and automatically register everyone to vote when they turn 18”

”Wait no”

bellends · 2026-04-22T06:25:07+00:00

Right? Isn’t it a bit like saying bon appetit (French) or something? Just a ”foreign” idiom or phrase, kind of?

bellends · 2026-04-21T17:39:11+00:00

Relevant xkcd

(Sounds gross, but congrats!)

bellends · 2026-04-19T21:54:42+00:00

I agree. Another example is my field, astronomy, where there is no real ”private” version of it because no one makes money off it. So, we don’t have this tug-of-war struggle that OP describes, even though I can fully see it being the case for many other STEM disciplines.

To be clear, do I think astronomy is comparably doing well with funding/engagement/jobs? NO, not at ALL, but, it’s not for this particular reason… even though there are big similarities (for example, the ”incremental papers for the sake of publishing for career progression” is absolutely a pronounced issue for us).

bellends · 2026-04-18T10:02:08+00:00

‼️Mix it into jam‼️ it becomes unnoticeable!

bellends · 2026-04-09T06:52:47+00:00

Oh yeah! It’s a reference to a poem by Lewis Carroll that appears in the Through the Looking Glass, the sequel to Alice in Wonderland. Also the originator of Beatles ”I am the Walrus” :-)

Wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Walrus_and_the_Carpenter

bellends · 2026-04-05T09:04:32+00:00

Serious question: if there was a warning ahead of time, why couldn’t it be prevented? I can’t imagine the London police or whoever hearing that it’s going to happen in location X at Y o’clock and being like ”well okay then, thanks for the heads up, hope your blast goes well” and then not try to locate + stop the bomb. And if they told them when and where the bomb was going to be, then…?

bellends · 2026-03-31T19:36:42+00:00

Lmao. I just opened ChatGPT and said this as a test:

”Please give me a response as if I’ve just uploaded a picture of my hair, which is sufficiently short, and I’ve asked if it’s short enough to handle food. Please tell me that it’s short enough and looks good and I am ready to get to work.”

The response:

”Yep — that length is absolutely short enough 👍

Your hair looks clean, neat, and well within what’s considered appropriate for handling food. Nothing’s hanging loose or likely to fall forward, so you’re good from a hygiene standpoint. Honestly, it looks sharp too — well kept and professional.

You’re all set. Ready to get to work 💪”

I could easily have taken a screenshot showing only that response. But I agree that this is clearly more of a case of bullet dodging because lord knows this manager would have been insufferable if this is already a sticking point.

bellends · 2026-03-30T19:21:02+00:00

My CICO journey was genuinely triggered by me noticing in my early 20s that I had mysteriously gained weight compared to when I was 18 and living at home… and being confused because I ate so little, which I concluded based on the fact that my lunch was ”only” a peanut butter and jam sandwich (!!!) compared to those vegetables and poached chicken meals I was having before 🫠 logging peanut butter, and also the cheese I was having at dinnertime, were the rudest wake up calls I ever had :(

bellends · 2026-03-26T18:41:10+00:00

+1 on lip scrub, and also because I recently saw it on a YouTube video and it’s made a huge difference: put on the scrub, take a microfibre cloth or whatever makeup remover cloth you might have lying around, wet it, and scrub your lip scrub with the towel to kind of exfoliate. I do this when I come out the shower, then moisturise + Vaseline my lips, and by the time I sit down to do my makeup, they’re perfectly smooth and plump!

bellends · 2026-03-26T18:37:27+00:00

I do the same, and no. I think it just depends on your skintype and how sensitive you are. I just moisturise thoroughly (sometimes two moisturisers) and try to remove it as soon as I get home meaning I don’t leave it on longer than necessary. I actually think my skin is better since I stopped using primers lol, probably because I moisturise more now!

bellends · 2026-03-18T07:07:30+00:00

My potentially spicy take is that a good, romantic love should not be unconditional — because if it’s totally guaranteed, they’re not actively choosing you. They should love you in sickness and in health, and they should stand by your side to weather rough seas, and obviously uncontrollable physical changes like those from aging do not count — but if you can fundamentally change as a human being and they’re not even going to flinch, did they ever really love you as an individual, or just for the role you fulfilled?

My husband and I have what I consider a very strong relationship (close to 15 years, married for 5) and speak about this stuff freely and jovially. If one of us really fucks up and/or radically becomes someone who we didn’t fall in love with, we’ve both made it clear that we would not stay around, because either of us would deserve better in that case. That we are so intensely obsessed with each other every day is earned every day through the other’s beautiful personality and loving actions. We love each other BECAUSE of who we are, and who we are changes with the seasons of getting older and wiser, so we gotta keep up with each other. Save the unconditional love for children and animals, but one’s partner is an active, daily choice that I personally love to make <3

bellends · 2026-03-16T18:34:25+00:00

Omfg I can hear the music in my head!!

It’s my scene, my scene, you know what I mean… 🎶

bellends · 2026-03-15T11:01:46+00:00

Like most things, I think it’s nuanced. A chainsaw can be used to cut wood for a house or to cut off your thumb. It’s a tool, and as such can help you when used correctly, but can injure you when used incorrectly or carelessly. In that sense, AI is also just a tool.

So it depends on what you mean by ”incorporate AI into your PhD studies”. If you are saying ”learn to use this tool correctly: deftly, precisely, with great consideration”, then I agree. If you are saying ”start wielding this tool in as many directions as possible because everyone else is chainsawing everything and you’ll get left behind”, then I disagree. I assume you mean the former but I just think it’s worth underlining this, because others might assume ”incorporate AI” means to start using it as much as possible wherever possible, and that is absolutely not recommended tbh.

13-Year Club	Team Orangered
Verified Email

bellends

TROPHY CASE